


A Rift in Memory

by gmariam



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, M/M, Memory Loss, Rift (Torchwood)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-10-15 17:35:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 57,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17533199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gmariam/pseuds/gmariam
Summary: Jack is forced to deal with an unexpected loss, while Ianto must make a difficult sacrifice in order to set things right.





	1. Chapter 1

Jack bounded into the Hub, still lit up like a Christmas tree with fairy lights wound around every surface Gwen had managed to decorate. It was overdone and out of place now that the holiday was long over, and Owen never stopped grumbling about it, but even Ianto had admitted that it made the Hub feel warmer on cold, dark mornings.

"Hey kids, we're home!" Jack called.

Gwen rolled her eyes in what Jack hoped was a fond, if exasperated, way. "That's so old, Jack. You need a new line."

"He's needed new lines since the day I met him," called Owen's voice from the medical bay. There were some mumbled agreements from the same vicinity. Jack exchanged a look with Gwen as they hurried over to the railing, glancing down to find the rest of their teammates.

Tosh was sitting on the bed, Ianto standing behind her with his sleeves rolled up and a plaster on the crook of his elbow. Owen was running some scans on Tosh, who appeared fine but was frowning as Owen ran his tests.

"What happened?" asked Gwen before Jack could say a word. "Tosh, are you all right?"

"I'm fine," Tosh replied with a frustrated sigh. "Owen hasn't found a thing wrong, he's just being paranoid."

"Oi," said Owen, standing up and prepping Tosh's arm for a blood draw. "Do you want to wake up with tentacles and a craving for seafood tomorrow?"

"It's not fun," said Jack. "Especially the tentacles, although you can do this thing—"

"No thanks," said Tosh. Ianto frowned at Jack before looking away with an air of disapproval. "Draw the blood and make sure."

"Thank you," said Owen. "I do know what I'm talking about, you know."

"Most of the time," murmured Ianto, earning a good-natured glare from the doctor.

"What happened?" asked Gwen again. "Why do you need to make sure they're not going to grow tentacles?"

"We got zapped," Owen mumbled, bending over Tosh, then swearing. He motioned Ianto over. "Sorry, teaboy, but you helped with your own draw so can you manage Tosh's as well? Better than me nicking the artery and having her bleed out."

Ianto shrugged. "Always wanted to take up phlebotomy as a hobby," he said, and Tosh smiled.

"It's fine, Ianto," she said. "I trust you." He smiled back and followed Owen's instructions. Jack and Gwen stayed silent until they were finished so they weren't distracted. Leaning on the railing, Jack tried again, hoping to catch Ianto's eye for some sign that he was all right. "So what do we mean by zapped?"

Ianto glanced up, his eyebrows pulling together as he looked away with another frown. Jack filed it away as something to ask about later. He directed his gaze toward Owen.

"Hell if I know," the doctor replied. "We checked out that Rift alert while you two were chasing down those Weevils and found a piece of space junk in the park. And it zapped us."

"Is that a technical term, doctor?" Jack asked dryly. Owen shrugged and bandaged Tosh, then turned away to begin his analysis.

"I'm sorry, Jack," Tosh offered, standing and glancing up. "The scanner said it was safe, but I was about to pick it up and place it in the containment box when there was a bright flash. We all lost consciousness for several seconds and were on the ground when we came to."

Jack frowned down at them. "And you feel all right? You haven't noticed any side effects?"

"No sir," said Ianto, grabbing his jacket and starting up the stairs. He pulled his sleeves down and put his jacket back on before coming to stand with Jack and Gwen. "Other than a headache, that is. Which is probably normal after being zapped."

Jack crossed his arms over his chest as he studied Ianto. The other man was holding himself differently, stiffer than usual, and still wasn't meeting Jack's eyes. Something felt off, and Jack didn't like it. Alien zaps were not usually a good thing, and even if they felt fine now, it could be hours before they noticed any effects.

"Around here anything is possible. Owen, do your thing and keep an eye on everyone. Tosh, did you manage to contain the device and bring it back?"

"We certainly did," she said, joining them upstairs. "I want to know what happened!"

"I know you do," Jack laughed, touching her arm. "But don't work on it too hard. How's your head?"

"Nothing some paracetamol won't help," she replied. "I'm fine."

"Take it easy and let us know if you feel any different."

"I will," she said, and hurried off toward her station, obviously eager to examine whatever it was that they had found. Ianto turned to follow her, but Jack stopped him. "Ianto, can I see you in my office please?"

Ianto whirled, a look of such wide-eyed surprise on his face that Jack frowned, once again noting the unusual reaction. "Er, yes, sir," he stuttered. Jack had thought they were long past that; perhaps the encounter had affected Ianto more than they thought.

"Gwen, get started on the Weevil report and keep an eye on the monitors for anything else we need to chase down. Hopefully the afternoon won't be as busy as this morning." She nodded and moved away as Jack turned toward his office, Ianto reluctantly following. When they stepped inside, he watched nervously as Jack shut the door behind them.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Jack started, moving closer only for the other man to step away from Jack's touch. "You seem different."

"In what way?" Ianto asked warily.

"I'm not sure," Jack replied. "Something feels off about all this. Tell me again what happened?"

Ianto rolled his eyes; that, at least, was familiar. "The same thing Owen already described. We were about to collect the object—a small, black sphere—when there was a flash of light. I remember reaching up to shield my eyes, nothing after that. We all woke up on the ground, approximately thirty seconds later, with no apparent injuries other than a headache."

Jack thought for a moment. "Have you ever seen one before, this device? In the archives, in London?"

Ianto shook his head. "It didn't look familiar, sir, but I plan to head downstairs and check the files."

"Right," Jack murmured. He was watching Ianto carefully and noticed that the Welshman was once again avoiding Jack's eyes. Maybe he was embarrassed? Or perhaps his head was bothering him more than he wanted to let on. "Look, take it easy, and make sure you have your comm on so you can call if you feel any different and need help."

"Yes, sir," Ianto replied. It was far too formal for their normal interaction, even at work as employee and boss. He turned to leave, but Jack couldn't resist calling him back.

"Ianto?"

"Yes, sir?" he asked. Jack lost his nerve; maybe Ianto was simply rattled and out of sorts. Maybe he'd be fine later.

"Never mind," Jack said, not wanting to push even though his instincts told him something was wrong. "I'll come down when it's time for lunch. Maybe we can get some fresh air together, pick something up for the team to eat?"

"Er," said Ianto, looking confused. "It's raining again, so I was planning on having it delivered, like usual. I'll report back in an hour, sir."

He dashed out the door, leaving Jack surprised and concerned, and feeling strangely hurt though he wasn't quite sure why.

* * *

Owen was convinced he was unaffected thanks to his undead state, and Tosh and Ianto appeared to be relatively fine as well. Owen had found nothing in their bloodwork to note, and neither had complained about anything else after their encounter with the alien tech that morning. Tosh's headache responded well to paracetamol, though Ianto did need more, admitting that his head was still bothering him. Tosh also seemed her normal self, but Jack still felt like something was off about Ianto. Different. Wrong.

The Welshman worked in the archives through the rest of the morning, then went up to the tourist office to collect the lunch order he'd had delivered. After which he worked in the tourist office for several hours. Though there were certainly days when they both did their own work and only met over coffee every few hours, it still felt like he was pointedly avoiding Jack. Every time he saw Ianto and made an attempt to talk to him, or touch him, Ianto responded with distance and discomfort, or frowned and backed away, as if he wanted nothing to do with Jack. He didn't seem angry or upset, but wary and increasingly confused.

When the Rift alert went off late afternoon, Jack took Gwen and Owen out to Splott, where they spent a miserable hour running down space bugs in a downpour that seemed timed to ruin their day. The creatures were the size of cats and didn't seem to like him at all, leaving Gwen and Owen to chase them into cages to transport them to the Hub. There were only half a dozen, but Jack hated them by the end, and couldn't wait to get back to the Hub to throw them in a vault, change, and warm up. He was relieved when Ianto had coffee ready for them, but disappointed when he disappeared with the space bugs almost immediately.

Once the space bugs were settled, Jack sent everyone home early for the night, hoping Ianto did not leave immediately. Gwen was the first out, as usual, followed closely by Tosh, but Owen tended to stick around longer now that he had less to do with his time. Ianto waved goodbye to the girls and began picking up. Jack leaned against the doorway to the kitchenette, watching him clean.

"You feel up for dinner tonight?" he asked, almost stepping back when Ianto turned yet another wide-eyed look on him. It was as if Jack had suggested something shocking, even though they usually had dinner together at the end of the day. Jack was certain something was wrong.

"Oh, well," Ianto stuttered, looking adorably nervous, only Jack was too worried to appreciate it because it was so out of character for such a simple question. "I was going to pick up something on my way home."

"Mind if I join you?" Jack asked, stepping into the small space. "We could call ahead to that Thai place around the corner from your flat, take it back to yours."

Ianto frowned. "Are you inviting yourself over to my flat for dinner?" he asked, sounding genuinely confused, then continued before Jack could answer. "Because I'm fine. I don't need a…a nurse or anything. You don't have to watch over me."

"Maybe I want to," Jack said. He moved closer to Ianto, who looked like the proverbial deer caught in the headlights, terrified and anxious at the same time. Jack felt awful, but something was not right, he could feel it, and he knew he had to push things to figure it out. When he reached out and took Ianto's hand, the Welshman tried to snatch it away, but Jack was prepared and held tight. "Something's wrong. Talk to me."

If Ianto could have run, Jack was fairly certain the man would be on the Plass by now. He shook his head. "Nothing's wrong, sir. I feel fine, except for a headache. Are you all right?"

"Of course I am, except for being worried about you. Why do you ask?"

"Because you've been watching me all day, like I did something wrong," Ianto replied, glancing down. "You're standing far too close for a proper boss, you asked me out to dinner, and now you're holding my hand."

"I'm not your boss," Jack murmured. "Not right now."

Ianto clearly didn't understand. He huffed nervously and took his hand away. "Are you someone else right now? Or is someone else in charge, perhaps?"

"Ianto," Jack said, sad and confused at the same time. Either Ianto was playing a very convincing and cruel game—though to what end, Jack had no idea—or he really didn't know what was going on between them. Not that Jack knew how to explain, when they sort of were what they were. "I'm worried. This isn't like you."

"What's not like me?" Ianto asked. Jack took a step closer and raised his hand to Ianto's cheek. The other man turned away from it. Jack brought his face back toward him, searched Ianto's eyes for the truth.

"It's like you don't know…you don't remember," Jack said quietly.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Ianto said. "Remember what?"

"Us," Jack replied, and Ianto shook his head.

"There is no us, sir."

He meant it as truth, and Jack felt his heart stutter a little in his chest. This wasn't a man who was unsure of his place in Jack's life, as Ianto was often prone to feel; nor was this a man angry with Jack and pulling away to avoid getting hurt, like he had done in the past. This was a man who genuinely seemed to have no idea that he and Jack were together.

Jack leaned forward to kiss him. Ianto watched him move closer, his eyes open wide as Jack kissed him. He did not return the sentiment and quickly pulled away. Jack let his head fall forward.

"You don't remember, do you?" he whispered. It hurt more than he would have ever thought, to be forgotten by the man he spent his days and nights with.

"Jack, what's going on?" Ianto asked, sounding scared as he finally used Jack's first name.

"I don't know," Jack said. "But we'll figure it out, I promise."

"Figure what out?" Ianto insisted. "Because I have no idea what you're talking about, why you're…why you…" He waved his hand between them, apparently at a rare loss for words.

"Why I'm what?" Jack asked. "Why I'm so worried? Why I kissed you?"

"Both," said Ianto quickly. "But especially the latter."

Jack stepped back. "Do you remember what happened this morning?" His gut told him that had something to do with it. It was when Ianto had been in the medical bay that Jack had first felt like something was different.

Ianto rolled his eyes; that much at least had not changed. "Of course I do. I haven't lost my memory, sir."

"How would you know if you did?" Jack countered. Ianto opened his mouth once, then shut it. Jack nodded. "Do you remember going out with Tosh and Owen and getting hit by the alien tech?"

"Yes, and all of Owen's tests, coupled with several instances of your usual harassment the rest of the day."

Jack sighed. "I wasn't…never mind. Do you remember anything about yesterday?"

"I spent the morning in the tourist office, the afternoon making coffee and phone calls, and went home early." He paused. "Which was good, because it was storming."

"No, we stayed here last night," Jack said. He ran a nervous hand through his hair. "Everything else about the day is right, but we stayed in my bunker last night because we were too wet and cold to drive back to your flat in the storm."

Ianto crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the counter. "What do you mean by 'we'? I remember going home last night, alone. It started raining as I pulled in."

"We went out to dinner on the Quay. It started raining as we walked back and we ran into the tourist office, soaking wet," Jack insisted. "Only for some reason you don't remember."

"No, I don't," Ianto replied. "Because it didn't happen. Why would we go out to dinner? Why would I spend the night in your bunker?"

Jack's hands went to his pockets as he thought about what to say, how to say it. There was no way around it. "Because we're together. Us." Ianto looked skeptical, and it hurt yet again. "Yes, you and me. We had dinner last night and spent the rest of the night in my bunker…well, trying some interesting new things."

"What?" Ianto exclaimed. He stood up straight and pushed his way past Jack back into the Hub. "You're taking the piss. You're just trying to get into my pants, like you have been for months."

"No!" Jack turned after him. "No, Ianto, it's not like that. And I'm not making it up, either. Me and you…we really are…" He trailed off at the look of scorn on Ianto's face, as if it was absurd for him to even consider the idea of being with Jack.

"I don't remember it because it's not true," Ianto told him. "Because you would never…not with me, not after the Savior, after Abaddon…and I would never…it's ridiculous, Jack! Completely, utterly ridiculous!"

"What is?" asked Owen, coming up the steps from the medical bay twirling a pencil. Ianto whirled on him.

"Nothing," he said, glancing back and forth between him and Jack. "It's nothing."

"Must be something worth shouting over," Owen said with a shrug. "Although if you two are having another lover's spat, I'm out of here, because last time was miserable." He paused and made a face. "Especially when you made up."

Ianto's eyes went wide. "Last time?" he asked, his voice sounding strangled.

"Owen," said Jack, before Owen could make a crude joke. "I think that device affected Ianto after all."

"No, it didn't, " Ianto hissed. "I'm fine!"

Owen frowned at Ianto's vehement denial. "Why?" he asked Jack. "What's wrong?"

Jack took a deep breath. "He doesn't remember things. Like me."

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so begins something I've been working with on and off for a long time. I won't say anything more quite yet, as this is just the opening, but there are many things going on here, and I hope you enjoy them all. Thank you for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

 

_"He doesn't remember things. Like me."_

Ianto shook his head in protest. "No, I remember Jack, but he seems to think we're sleeping together."

"Yes, you are," Owen replied.

"I'm not sleeping with him, Owen," snapped Ianto.

Owen exchanged a confused look with Jack. "You told me you were," he said, his voice level. "We've all walked in on you at some point, and you danced together at Gwen's wedding, so everyone knows."

Ianto looked even more bewildered. "Of course we didn't. Why would I dance with Jack?"

Owen snorted. "To stop him mooning over Gwen, probably."

"Owen," Jack hissed, but Ianto nodded in agreement.

"That's actually the most plausible thing I've heard yet," he said. "Because I definitely remember you staring at each other like no one was watching."

"And then you cut in and we danced!" Jack exclaimed. "Don't you remember our dance?"

Ianto shrugged. "I remember dancing with Tosh and a bridesmaid, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't dance with my boss."

"You did," Owen stated bluntly. "We all saw it, and once you relaxed, you both looked happy. All right, do you remember when I got shot?" Ianto nodded. Owen asked him about several other events that had happened over the last several months, all of which he remembered. "Do you remember when Jack came back to life, after Abbadon?"

Ianto nodded. "Yes, but that was almost a year ago."

"He kissed you," Owen said. "He didn't kiss any of us, but he kissed you right in the middle of the Hub and we all watched. Remember that?"

Ianto shook his head. Jack felt sick. Why did Ianto seem to remember everything about his life except Jack's place in it?

"Do you remember the night at the Ferret?" Jack asked. "After you came back?" Owen looked curious, but Jack ignored him. That night was one the rest of the team didn't need to know the details about. Ianto nodded slowly, as if nervous about Owen listening.

"Yes, I remember that night."

"We slept together that night," Jack said.

"Oh, I really doubt it," Ianto replied with a bitter edge. "I was so angry at you for what you did to Tosh. I let them take you, why would I sleep with you?"

"You came back for me!" Jack said, throwing caution to the wind; there was a good chance Owen wouldn't ask any questions about it anyway. "And that was our first night together, back at your flat."

"Do you remember the cannibals?" Owen asked abruptly. Ianto's face went hard.

"I wish I could forget."

"Fairies?" Ianto nodded. "Lisa Hallett?"

He stopped and thought for a moment. "Yes, she worked at Torchwood One. She died at Canary Wharf." He took a shaky breath, as if talking about Canary Wharf was still difficult. "I tried to get her out, but I was too late."

Owen swore under his breath, while Jack grabbed Ianto by the arms and almost shook him. "No! You weren't! You got her out and tried to save her."

Ianto pulled his arms from Jack's grasp. "Don't be insane. How could anyone manage that? It was a bloodbath, a slaughter! I was lucky to get out alive!"

"Yes, you were," Jack insisted. "But you did, both of you, and you spent months trying to save her, because you loved her."

Ianto's face was pale. Owen laid a hand on his arm. "Jack, take it easy."

"He doesn't remember!" Jack said, whirling on the doctor. "What's wrong with him? Why doesn't he remember?"

Ianto didn't say anything, and Jack began pacing. Owen was studying Ianto before he spoke.

"He doesn't remember being with you…and he doesn't remember being with Lisa," Owen said. "What about that girl in uni, Bethany? Do you remember dating her?"

Ianto shook his head. "I didn't date Bethany. We were study partners, that's all."

"You told me once you dated for almost a year," Owen said. Jack wondered when that had come up between them. "So there's obviously a connection running through all this. Who's the first girl you kissed?"

"Susan Harris, year ten."

"Did you like her?"

Ianto shook his head. "No, we were playing a dumb game."

"First bloke?" asked Owen, earning a long silence from Ianto before he sighed with obvious reluctance.

"Devon Hornsby, at a party in university. Too much to drink."

"Why would he remember all those other people and not me?" asked Jack.

Owen nodded to himself. "He seems to remember casual encounters, but not the people he had actual relationships with. We should see if Tosh is affected. Call her, see what she remembers. Ask about Mary and Tommy, anyone else you can think of that she's dated."

"What about you?" asked Jack. "You were out there, too. Do you remember Diane? Katie?"

Owen cocked his head, his gaze turning inward. He nodded sadly. "Yeah, I remember Katie. We were going to get married," he said softly.

"Then Owen's not affected?" Ianto asked. "He remembers his past, but apparently I don't?"

"I'm dead." Owen shrugged. "So whatever it was probably couldn't affect me. One of the perks of my new plane of existence, I suppose," he finished bitterly.

"What do we do?" asked Jack.

"Let's start with another exam and brain scan," Owen replied. "It's selectively messed with his memory, so maybe that can point us toward both the cause and the cure. Tosh too—in fact, might as well bring everyone back in. Downstairs, Amnesia Boy."

Ianto sighed and followed Owen down toward the stairs. Jack laid a hand on his arm, and was gratified when Ianto didn't shake it off.

"We'll figure this out," he said once more. Ianto nodded silently and went downstairs. Jack only hoped they could.

* * *

"All right, what do we have?" Jack asked, taking his seat at the head of the table in the conference room an hour later. Ianto sat in his usual place next to Jack, but seemed uncomfortable being so close knowing that they were involved, yet having no memory of it. Tosh sat next to him; she looked upset and confused, and Ianto reached out to take her hand, offering a reassuring squeeze. Gwen watched them curiously, having just arrived and knowing nothing about their condition.

"Well, Tosh seems to be having the same memory problems as Amnesia Boy, here," Owen began. Gwen immediately spoke up.

"Which is what?" she asked. "I'm sorry, but what's going on? Did something happen since I left?"

"We think it happened this morning," Jack replied. When no one continued, Gwen spoke again.

"What happened this morning? What kind of memory problems are Tosh and Ianto having?"

Neither Tosh nor Ianto seemed inclined to answer, and Jack couldn't help but look away; he was still trying to process the fact that Ianto didn't remember anything about their relationship. Owen huffed.

"Fine, I'll do all the talking, why don't I?"

"You are the doctor," Ianto pointed out.

Owen rolled his eyes. "Tosh and Ianto have both forgotten all of their past relationships. Romantic relationships, that is." He paused, but no one offered anything else.

"But how's that possible?" Gwen asked into the silence. "That they've only forgotten their romantic relationships?"

"That's what we're trying to figure out," Jack said. "So what did you find?"

"Based on an initial psychiatric exam, the memory loss is very specific," Owen replied. "And they've not only lost the real memories, but are replacing them with false ones."

"How do you know that?" Gwen asked.

There was a silence around the table until Jack spoke, avoiding Ianto's eyes. "Because Ianto and I went out to dinner last night, got caught in the storm, and stayed here. But he remembers making it home alone before the rain even started."

Gwen stared at him, then at Ianto, then back at him. "Oh," she said, clearly gobsmacked. "But that means…Jack, Ianto…that's awful."

Jack nodded in agreement, his throat too tight to speak.

"Either his brain is somehow suppressing the real memories and replacing them with the closest explanation," said Owen, "or they've been erased and his brain is creating new ones. Either way, brain scans are consistent with some sort of trauma." He pulled up several pictures on the front screen, pointing out the areas of the brain now lit up.

"How do you know that's what's happening?" Ianto asked. "How do you know my memories are replacements and not real?"

Owen exchanged a look with Jack, who nodded reluctantly. "There's CCTV from last night," the doctor said.

"What?" asked Ianto, glancing between Jack and the doctor.

"I told you—we came in through the tourist office, soaking wet," Jack said. "The CCTV footage would prove it."

"And probably a lot more," Owen murmured.

Ianto looked stunned. His mouth opened and closed a few times until he finally shook his head. "I don't want to see it."

"Ianto, you—"

"It's fine, Jack," Owen said, holding up a hand. "His brain is funny right now. Watching the CCTV might hurt more than it would help."

There was an awkward silence around the table as Ianto stared down at tightly clasped fingers.

"What caused this?" Gwen asked quietly. "And can we fix it?"

"We think it was the retrieval we went on this morning," Owen said. "The little black ball. How it works, I have no idea, but the brain is a tricky thing, and I don't want to make it worse until we know more."

"That's why we've got all this fancy equipment, to figure it out," Jack said. "Tosh, did you find anything this afternoon?"

"I did some preliminary tests," she said. "They came up negative for almost everything—no power source, no energy readings, nothing."

"And you didn't find anything in the archives?" Jack asked Ianto.

"Nothing, sir," he replied. "But that was a level one search, records only."

"Take it to the next level, then," Jack said. "And Tosh, we need you to look at that device again, see if you can't squeeze anything out of it."

They both nodded. Before Jack could continue, Gwen jumped in. "Was there anyone else at the park this morning?' she asked. "We should contact them, see if they were affected."

"I don't remember anyone," Tosh said, but she sounded unsure.

"The immediate area was empty," said Ianto. "I believe there was one person running on the other side of the park, at least twenty meters away."

"Tosh, do you think whatever happened could have reached that far?" Jack asked.

"I have no idea, but I doubt it," she replied.

"Gwen, check the CCTV for the park and make sure no one else was close by," Jack said, and Gwen nodded. "Then check police reports, social media, all our regular sources for anything similar. Let's give it a go for a few hours. If we don't find anything, we can start fresh in the morning."

Owen and Gwen left first, followed by Tosh and Ianto, talking quietly. Jack watched them leave before letting his head fall into his hands. This was new for him, and it was bad. Two of his team members had lost their memories, and Jack had no idea how they were going to get them back.

Which also meant he had no idea how he was going to get Ianto back.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick update to resolve the cliffhanger from the last chapter. This is story is completely from Jack's point of view. It's never spoken to me in Ianto's voice, as it is a story primarily about Jack. It was inspired by Ianto's fear of being forgotten in thousand years. Instead, it's Jack who's been forgotten. Thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

It was close to midnight when Jack decided to send them all home. Tosh and Ianto showed no signs of remembering anything they had forgotten, and Ianto's headache still bothered him. The team had made little progress on their research, and had even lost some time when Jack had taken Gwen out on another Weevil call while Tosh coordinated. It felt strangely wrong, to be Weevil hunting with Gwen late at night. Usually it was him and Ianto who hunted together in the dark, a sexy foreplay to the heated affirmation of life they engaged in after. Jack enjoyed the chase when he was with Ianto; with Gwen it felt like work, and he was so distracted he earned himself a jagged cut across his lower leg, ripping his trousers.

He trudged back into the Hub, completely healed but feeling emotionally spent. Ianto was talking with Owen and glanced up when Jack entered. His eyes flickered to Jack's ruined pants, the blood soaked through the entire lower leg, and he frowned. On any other day, Ianto might have chastised him for getting injured, concern for Jack's well-being coming out in reprimands and a gentle rant involving cleaning the SUV and mending Jack's clothing. It stung that there was nothing but a faintly disapproving look in the other direction.

"Go home, everyone," Jack said, unable to keep the weariness from his voice. "I know it's the weekend, but we need to keep working on this, so we're all in tomorrow, understand?" Normally they had a rota, where at least one or two of them had a day off over the weekend. Tomorrow, however, they needed everyone in and working on reversing Tosh and Ianto's memory loss. Jack was already dreading going to bed by himself, and did not look forward to doing it for more than one night.

Tired and discouraged, they all nodded and began to clean up their work. Owen and Ianto finished their conversation before the Welshman stood and walked toward his station, shutting it down as he pulled on his coat. He looked tired as well as troubled. Jack wanted more than anything to pull him into a warm embrace and reassure him that everything would be all right, but it was more for his benefit than for Ianto's given that the Welshman didn't remember anything about them and would likely rebuff the gesture.

Ianto stopped in front of him before leaving. "If there's nothing else…" he started, the implication clear: he wanted to go, but was checking in before leaving. Jack sighed.

"Get some rest," he said gently. He reached up toward Ianto's face, then stopped himself as Ianto tensed. "We'll fix this tomorrow. I promise."

"Yes, sir," Ianto murmured. He opened his mouth, shook his head, then sighed. "Good night, then."

"Good night, Ianto," Jack said softly. It was one of the hardest good-byes he'd had to make in years. Though Ianto was alive and well, it felt like he was walking out of Jack's life forever.

"We'll figure it out," Gwen said quietly, appearing in front of him ready to leave. She stood up to place a quick kiss to Jack's cheek. "We will. And tomorrow you can go home with Ianto and shag 'till the sun comes up."

Jack couldn't help but laugh. Of course, that's what the others assumed they did, but there was more to it than that. They'd never get any sleep if all they did was shag, and Jack slept soundly when he was in Ianto's bed. More than the sex, perhaps—and the sex was brilliant—he enjoyed the sense of comfort and closeness he and Ianto had grown into over the last several months. The team would probably be quite surprised to see them cooking together, or watching films on the couch late at night. And Jack talked to Ianto, more and more, sharing things he'd always kept to himself. Who would he talk to if Ianto never remembered him?

He kissed her on the opposite cheek and gently pushed her toward the door. "Thank you, Gwen," he said. She smiled sympathetically at him before going home to her husband.

Owen cleared his throat behind Jack. "He watched the CCTV," he said flatly. "While you were out."

"Dammit," Jack murmured, dropping his head. "Last night?"

"Yep," Owen said. "It was like you said—he didn't go home, he stayed here. He turned it off when it started to get heated."

Jack nodded, trying not to imagine Ianto's reaction to seeing something he didn't remember happening. "But at least he knows we're not lying."

"I don't think he thought we were," Owen pointed out. "The problem is reconciling the false memories with the truth. It's not only that he's forgotten, but that his brain is creating new memories—he remembers a completely different version of events."

"And seeing the footage didn't jog his memory at all?"

"It made him even more confused, since he remembers going home." Owen sighed. "I think he's scared, Jack. He's not only worried that something is really wrong with him, which it is, but that he'll have to leave Torchwood because of it."

"What? Why would he think that?"

"Because he's questioning everything he's ever known," Owen replied. "He has no way to guarantee that what he remembers is real, and it's giving him a hell of a headache. But also because if you two are involved and he doesn't remember it, what's he supposed to do?"

"I'm not going to force him to go out on a date with me, Owen," Jack snapped. "If he doesn't remember, if he's not interested, I am capable of controlling myself."

"Shit," Owen muttered. "That's not what I meant. I know that, we all know that, but teaboy has a pretty strong sense of honor and obligation. Look what he did for Lisa. He's going to feel pressure whether it's there or not."

"Did he say that?" Jack wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer.

"No, as a matter of fact, he didn't. It's my keen doctor's insight. Look, try not to worry too much, okay—but go easy on him. Both of them. We'll figure it out tomorrow. I'm going home, clear my head and see if I can think of anything that might help solve this."

"Thanks, Owen." Jack watched him leave, knowing Owen would do everything he could to help Tosh and Ianto. He tried not to feel lonely already. He had spent plenty of nights on his own, after all. What was one night apart? He almost forgot that Tosh was still there until she came up behind him.

"Are you all right?" she asked quietly, and he nodded slowly before turning toward her with as big a grin as he could fake.

"I'm fine," he said. "How are you feeling?"

"Well, I wasn't blown off by my—" she started, and Jack held up his hand.

"Don't say it," he said. "It's not like that, especially at the moment."

"Oh, then why do you look like a kicked puppy?" she asked, and he grimaced, because that was exactly how he felt.

"I admit it was unexpected," Jack sighed. "We've been together a lot recently."

Tosh motioned to the sofa, and they went and sat down side by side. "Have you ever heard of anything like this?" she asked. "Something that takes away such selective memories?"

"Sounds like something stupid enough to be from the future," Jack grumbled. "Although I'm sort of failing to see the point of forgetting all about love." He realized his slip immediately. "Not that we…that Ianto…or me…it's not like that, not really."

"Jack," Tosh sighed. "Would you get over it, already? Given that Ianto doesn't remember being with you, and considering how much it's bothering you, it's obvious you care about him. Whether you want to admit it or not. Maybe," she said, sitting up straighter, "maybe admitting it might break whatever is blocking Ianto's memories, and he'll remember you."

"He remembers me, Tosh," Jack replied bitterly. "He just finds the idea of us being together ridiculous."

"He's confused," she said. "So am I, but I don't have a boyfriend—or a girlfriend— right now that I've forgotten. I've only forgotten my past lovers. Apparently quite a collection, too," she added, sounding bitter herself.

Jack put an arm around her shoulder. She laid her head down on his shoulder and sighed. "I can't believe I slept with an alien."

"She was hot, I'll give her that," Jack laughed. "But she manipulated you, Tosh. It wasn't your fault."

"I don't remember, though," she murmured. "I don't remember anyone, and it feels…well, normal. You'd think I'd regret not having any relationships over the years, but I don't. It feels kind of good, not remembering any pain and heartbreak. Isn't that how most relationships end up?"

Jack was quiet, thinking about Ianto and how it might feel for him. Tosh must have caught on to his line of thought. "I didn't mean it personally, Jack," she started. Jack leaned his head back and gazed up into the Hub, where Myfanwy was circling above them. The dinosaur he'd caught with Ianto, when Ianto had been conning him into a job at Torchwood Three to save the half-converted girlfriend Jack had been forced to execute.

"You just said that it felt good to not have those feelings," he pointed out. "To not feel the pain and heartbreak that accompany most relationships, particularly here at Torchwood. Ianto probably feels the same way. Blissfully unaware of what happened to Lisa, because of me…" He trailed off, because the thought truly saddened him, that Ianto might be better off not remembering their relationship.

"Jack," she started, but he stopped her.

"I'm serious, Tosh," he said. "I'm not good for him and I know it. Maybe this is better for him. He can move on, find someone else, and live a normal life."

Tosh sat up and frowned at him. "What if we can't?" she asked.

"Can't what?"

"What if we can't move on—can't fall in love again? What if the device not only took our memories of past lovers, but our ability to fall in love in the future?"

Jack thought about it, and cursed whatever civilization that thought that taking love out of the world was worth pursuing. He shook his head. "I don't see how it would be possible. Love is such an intrinsic part of human nature, I don't think anything could stop it. I think it's more about the memory of past relationships."

She seemed to be considering something. "Don't you think we'd remember the good ones, though?"

That surprised Jack. "Do you think all of your relationships have been unhappy and that's why you don't remember?" he asked. She shrugged helplessly.

"I don't know. I don't remember being with anyone, good or bad. So maybe they were all bad? Makes more sense to forget the bad than the good."

"I don't see how any device could be so precise as to decide which memories are good and which are bad," Jack replied.

"I don't see how any device could selectively remove or repress the memories of only certain relationships," Tosh grumbled. "Or why."

"We'll figure it out," Jack murmured. "We have to."

She patted his hand, a sad look on her face. "He cares about you, you know," she said. "I've seen it, and I remember it, even if he doesn't. It must be in there, somewhere. Maybe you'll have to bring it out again."

Jack grinned. "Wine and dine him?"

"Is that what you did the first time?" she teased. He glanced away, thinking about it.

"Not exactly," he replied. "It's not like that. Sometimes I don't know why he said yes."

"Don't doubt yourself now. You can help him lo—care about you again, Jack." She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, grinning as she did. "You're irresistible, as you constantly like to remind us." She stood up, clearly ready to leave.

"That is true," he laughed as he joined her. "It's the jawline."

Tosh rolled her eyes. "I'm going home before your ego pushes me out the door." She started toward the steps, but stopped and turned around with a frown. "Did you know Ianto keeps a diary?"

Jack nodded. "Of course."

"I got the impression it was mostly work-related," she said. "But there might be a few things in there about you and him."

"Oh, there are," Jack told her, trying not to smirk. She didn't need to know the details.

"Do you think reading it might help?" she asked. "Or make it worse?"

"I don't know," Jack admitted. "I don't think watching the CCTV helped, but I don't want to keep anything from him, not if you're encouraging me to be honest."

She sighed. "Right. Of course. If I had a diary, I'd want to read it."

"I would too," Jack replied, thinking of his own lost memories, two years he'd never recover. "So hopefully it will help him if he does." He joined her at the door and gave her one last hug. "Go home. Look around. Relax. Maybe some memories will start to come back in your own space."

"I hope so."

"We'll start working on it again in the morning," Jack said. "And keep working on it until we fix it. We always do."

"We always do," she murmured. "Good night, Jack."

"Good night, Tosh. Thanks for all you do."

She nodded and left him in the Hub, forgotten and alone for the first time in months.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I may need to apologize after every chapter for the angst, but I'll try not to. Looking back at my drafts, I opened the first version of this story in the summer of 2016! Updates will eventually space out to several days. Thanks for reading if you stick with it. Should be worth it, though. ;)


	4. Chapter 4

Jack sat in his chair, idly turning a crystal glass in his hands. His feet were up, his head back, his eyes unfocused as he thought about everything that had happened that day—and more importantly, what it meant about his life.

It was not hard to recognize that his relationship with Ianto was unusual by society's standards. They'd started sleeping together almost on a whim, with mutual attraction, desire, and the need for comfort and connection driving a mostly physical relationship. It had slowly, over the weeks before Jack had left with the Doctor, developed in something more—something he'd looked forward to and turned to, but there hadn't been feelings involved, not really. No, that didn't happen until Jack had felt the sting of betrayal again, and understood why it hurt so much: he liked Ianto, cared about him.

And being the man he was, Jack had run. Why not? The Doctor had come back to refuel his ship, and it had been Jack's first chance in decades to find out the truth about his past. And with a team that had been manipulated into betraying and shooting him, why stay? He'd run frantically toward the Doctor's ship, desperate to find the answers he needed, more than willing to put his life on Earth behind him after losing so much.

Only it hadn't been as easy to leave as he'd expected. He'd thought constantly about Torchwood, about his team, and about Ianto, particularly while he was held prisoner and forced to watch his planet die. It was during those long months that Jack realized he'd run away because of fear as much as any other reason. He was scared of staying, of developing feelings for his team, and especially for his casual lover. So he'd left, but he'd missed them, and when it was all over, he knew he had to return.

And he'd decided that maybe developing a relationship with Ianto wasn't as terrifying as it had seemed before he'd left. He wanted to get to know the man better, to spend time with him—both with and without clothing—to support Ianto and be supported in return. A real relationship, even if neither of them quite acknowledged it as such given Ianto seemed equally as reluctant as Jack to call it anything resembling serious. But it was more serious for Jack than any of his past relationships since Lucia, and now Jack realized how much. Serious enough that he felt that hollow sensation in his gut, that hand squeezing his heart, at the thought of not being with Ianto anymore. All because the Welshman didn't remember being with him—and even worse, seemed appalled at the thought.

Jack told himself it wasn't only him, that Tosh and Ianto remembered none of their past lovers. It wasn't personal, it was alien, plain and simple. Once they figured out what had happened, they could work on reversing it. And then he would take Ianto to bed and never let him leave.

He was startled out of his reverie by the sound of his mobile, almost dropping the glass before setting it awkwardly on the desk as he reached toward his phone. "Jack Harkness," he snapped, sounding unusually harsh only because he'd been caught unaware.

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "Sir? Er, Jack?" It was Ianto, and he sounded unsure. "I'm sorry to bother you, is this a bad time?"

"What?" Jack exclaimed, sitting up straight. "No, not at all. The phone surprised me. I was sort of lost in thought."

"Ah," said Ianto, then cleared his throat. "I understand. It's late, I should probably let you go."

"No," Jack said. "Tell me what's wrong. I can tell by the sound of your voice something's bothering you."

There was a long silence on the other end of the phone. "It's just that…I found several of your things in my flat," Ianto stuttered. "At least, I'm assuming they're yours, since everyone said we were…well…together, I guess. Some clothes, personal products, looks like a book you were reading… _Foundation_?"

"Right," said Jack. "I left it on the table next to the bed."

There was more awkward silence. "Do you, well…do you live here? With me? Do we live together?"

"Oh." Jack couldn't help but laugh nervously. "No, I don't…we don't…um, I spend the night there. Sometimes." He spent more nights with Ianto than he didn't most weeks. It felt strange, not being with him that night. There were certainly nights they spent apart, but usually by choice. This wasn't his choice. He'd never choose to be forgotten.

"Did you…" Ianto cleared his throat. "Did you want…or need to come over tonight? If your stuff is here and you sometimes spend the night."

"No, I'm fine," Jack said, holding back a sad sigh. "I have other things here, and since you don't remember anything about me staying over…well, it's probably better if I don't."

"I suppose so." Jack heard something that sounded like Ianto was taking a drink, probably a beer, unless he was exceptionally rattled and then whisky. "I watched the CCTV footage from last night," Ianto continued. "And I found some pictures, in my flat, of people…friends, family… Lisa Hallett. Pictures of me, with her, only I don't remember ever being with her. Or you."

Jack took a deep breath. He wasn't sure if he'd rather be with Ianto having this conversation face to face, or if doing it over the phone was better. Either way, it wasn't going to be easy.

"You were together for over a year," Jack told him, thinking back to the few things Ianto had shared with him, when they had got to a point where they could talk about such things. "Apparently, you were quite the flirt at Torchwood One. I think your first date with Lisa was a disaster, but you tried again, after it didn't work out with someone named Rachel. You never said much about her. I don't think things went well with her."

He could practically hear Ianto frown over the phone. "Rachel Allan? She tried to take over Torchwood One. I never slept with her!"

"I don't know the details, you seemed reluctant to talk about it," Jack said. "It wasn't long after that when you started seeing Lisa. You were in love, talked about getting married someday."

"How can I not remember wanting to get married?" Ianto asked, sounding sad. He sighed. "I know, it's the tech accident. What happened to her? You said I tried to save her by bringing her to Cardiff."

"Ianto, I don't know if this is something we should talk about over the phone," Jack started.

"You could come over," Ianto suggested before Jack could continue, though he sounded unsure again. "Since your stuff is here."

"I don't think I should," Jack said. "I would really like to, but I don't think it's a good idea. You need some time and space to understand things, see if they don't start coming back. I know things about us that you don't remember, and I don't want to take advantage of that in a situation like this."

"Don't trust yourself, sir?" Ianto asked, his voice dry. Jack smiled.

"You can be very difficult to resist," he teased back.

He heard Ianto take another sip and actually chuckle. "I still can't believe it, you know," he said, and Jack imagined the other man shaking his head. "You and I, sleeping together. I mean, it's not that I never thought about it, only you're my boss, and we've got some bad history. So you flirt and I flirt back and it's fun, but to think that we're actually shagging—yeah." He sighed. "And then I don't even remember."

"I know!" Jack exclaimed, trying to keep it light. "How could you forget a guy like me?"

"I don't know," Ianto replied. "Was it good?"

Jack heard a hint of flirting, but more genuine curiosity. He grinned, even though Ianto couldn't see it. "Amazing," he said. "We're amazing."

There was a pause. "I wish I remembered, then," Ianto said, sounding like he meant it. Jack suddenly felt sad again.

"I do too," he replied. "We'll figure this out, I promise."

"And if not?" asked Ianto.

"Then I'll have to start over!" Jack tried to sound cheerful, though the thought filled him with despair. On the other hand, if Ianto didn't regain his memories of his relationship with Jack, then perhaps they could start over from a better place than they had the first time. "I'll win you over again, dinner and a movie." He hoped Ianto understood the reference to Jack's awkward invitation the night he'd returned, but he didn't.

"Is that what happened?" Ianto asked, still sounding curious. "We went out for dinner and a movie one day and ended up dating?"

"Ah, no, not exactly," said Jack. "It's a bit more complicated than that. Really complicated," he muttered to himself. It was a wonder they'd ended up in bed together at all, but how could he tell Ianto that?

"You said we slept together the night of the Ferret," Ianto pointed out, unfortunately remembering Jack's words from earlier. "Is that what you mean by complicated?"

"That's part of it," Jack replied. "You were right, you were furious at me, but then all of a sudden, you were kissing me."

"You'd think I would remember that," Ianto said. He sounded almost thoughtful. "I admit, I was attracted to you from the day I knocked on the tourist office door, looking for a job. But you had a reputation, and I knew getting involved at work so soon was a bad idea. And then Gwen came along, and you were distracted."

Jack stood up and started pacing, not bothering to correct Ianto's memory of how he joined Torchwood Three. There were much bigger memories to worry about. It was hard, having a conversation about their relationship over the phone, but he was also glad Ianto couldn't see his emotional reactions. "I think we both needed…well, release. There were a lot of strong emotions between us, not only that night, but over the weeks since Lisa…" He trailed off, literally biting his lip as he slipped. He did not want to get into this, not then, but of course Ianto pressed it.

"I think you need to tell me what happened with Lisa Hallett," Ianto said. "You keep mentioning it, but I don't know what you're referring to, or why it's such a big deal that you don't want to talk about it, yet it keeps coming up."

"I'm sorry," Jack said, feeling miserable. "It's not easy to talk about. It was difficult night for all of us, and a nightmare for you."

"What happened?"

Jack took a deep breath and began. "Lisa was partially converted at Canary Wharf. You found her and somehow got her off the table, kept her alive, and brought her to Cardiff. You talked your way into working here so you could try to heal her."

There was a long silence. "Partially converted? Heal her?" He sounded incredulous. "Jack, I was there, I saw what they did. There's no way someone could have survived being partially converted, let alone make it out alive!"

"She did," Jack whispered. "It was terrible."

"Then why didn't they shoot her, like they did the others? There's no saving a partial conversion. I know that. Why would I try to save her? Especially by running three hours to Cardiff?"

"You loved her," Jack told him. "You didn't want them to shoot her, or experiment on her, so you snuck her out. You brought her to the Hub thinking there would be something here that could help her."

"And was there?"

"No," said Jack, shaking his head and staring out into the Hub as he remembered. "She couldn't be saved."

"So what happened to her? Was I upset, grieving?"

Jack bit back a groan, because it was so much worse. "Ianto, I don't think you want to know."

"Tell me, Jack." Ianto's voice was firm, the strong man Jack knew and not the uncertain man who didn't remember his past.

"You didn't tell us you brought her here," Jack said, his voice almost falling to a whisper as he collapsed onto his chair. "You hid her in the basement and converted one of the tables to life support. She was down there for weeks, all while you did your job, taking care of her. You looked through the archives, tried to find anything to help her, but nothing worked. You finally brought in a Japanese doctor to help."

"Oh my god," Ianto murmured. "I snuck her in and kept her in the basement? That's terrible! Why didn't I tell anyone?"

"I don't know!" Jack exclaimed. It was the one thing he went over in his head again and again, even after so much time: why hadn't Ianto told them, asked for help?

"You didn't exactly get on with One," Ianto said bitterly, and Jack heard him take another long gulp. "Maybe I thought you wouldn't bother helping her."

Jack hung his head. "I think that was a part of it," he said softly. "But I couldn't have done anything even if you had asked. There was nothing that could save her. As soon as she was released from the life support unit, the programming took over. She attacked you and killed two other people."  _Three if you count death by electrocution,_ he thought to himself.

"And what did you do then?" Ianto asked, his voice growing harder, as if he somehow sensed how the story ended. Jack cringed; he was not proud of his actions that night. He couldn't bear to tell Ianto that he'd sent the Welshman into the Hub to kill his own girlfriend. It was beyond horrifying, and would remain one of the big regrets of his life.

"We stopped her," Jack said. "We had no choice, but we had to kill her." Ianto was silent for a long moment. "I'm sorry," Jack whispered. "I didn't want to tell you over the phone."

He heard Ianto take a deep breath. "No, it's fine. I needed to know."

"Are you okay?"

He heard Ianto take a sip of his drink and laugh bitterly. "You killed the woman I was trying to save and had apparently hoped to marry, and yet I'm sleeping with you? I don't know what to think, other than my life is even more messed up that I thought. I should go."

"I can come over if you—"

"No," Ianto cut him off. "It's fine. I'll bring your things in tomorrow. Good night, sir."

He hung up without another word. Jack almost threw the phone across the room; instead he slammed it down with a curse and let his head fall to the desk. He'd really blown it with Ianto, but what else could he do? He didn't want to lie, because he didn't want to do that to Ianto anymore, no matter the circumstances. He'd told Ianto the truth about their past together, which was messy and painful.

He only hoped the future turned out better.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know: ouch. It had to come out, though. And the next chapter is not as angsty. Update this weekend. Thank you for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

 

 

When Jack came up from his bunker the next morning—it had been a restless night, sleeping alone because he had to and not because he'd chosen to—he was surprised to find Ianto already in the Hub, knocking almost immediately at his door with two cups of coffee. Jack motioned him in, wary of the other man's response after their conversation on the phone.

"Good morning," Ianto said, offering Jack's blue and white mug. He did not, however, offer Jack a box of his belongings, and somehow that made Jack feel slightly better.

"Good morning," Jack replied. "How are you feeling today?"

Ianto cocked his head, seeming to think about it. "No memories, and I still have a headache. And I'm still confused, but more remorseful than anything." He straightened and took a deep breath. "I wanted to apologize for last night. I know this must be hard for you, and I've not been particularly understanding."

Jack stared at him in surprise. "Ianto, I'm fine. I'm not the one who lost my memories!"

"No, but you're the one who's been lost," Ianto replied. "You said we were together, and I've been nothing but skeptical and dismissive of that from the moment you said so, even after seeing the evidence. I can only imagine that it's just as confusing for you, to be expecting the man you were dating and instead find a man who doesn't even remember kissing you let alone spending the night together."

Jack smiled and shrugged. "It's been an adjustment," he said. "The bed was cold last night."

Ianto shook his head. "I can't believe I actually sleep down there," he said. "It must be freezing!"

"It's cozy," Jack replied. "But we usually end up at your place. Cook dinner, watch television, all that."

"Like a normal couple going home after work?" Ianto asked. Jack tried not to cringe at the word couple.

"We're definitely not normal," he pointed out, which was certainly true on many levels.

"I can only imagine," Ianto replied, then sighed. "You tell me we're dating, that we go out and spend the night together. That we've had sex—hell, that the team knows and has walked in on us! But I…" He paused. "I don't remember any of that, and I'm sorry, but I can't be with you out of a feeling of…of obligation to a relationship I don't remember. That's not fair to either one of us. I hope you understand."

Jack was shocked. Had Ianto thought he'd still have to be with Jack despite his memory loss? Apparently, Owen had been right about Ianto's sense of honor and responsibility, but Ianto was proving himself willing and able to stand up for his emotional well-being as well. "Of course I understand!" Jack exclaimed. "Ianto, I would never force you to do anything you weren't comfortable with. I'm not that kind of person."

Ianto was silent for a moment. "I know," he finally replied. "Deep down, I know that. But I already feel the pressure to be this other man, the one you and the others remember." He paused and looked down at his hands. "After we got off the phone, I started packing your things in a box."

Jack felt his heart break a little inside. "I could understand why." He did, but it didn't make it hurt less. "It must have been strange, knowing why it's there but not remembering it actually appearing."

"I might have had a bit of a panic attack," Ianto admitted. "And then I found my diary. I started to read through it, to see if I had written about Lisa Hallet. About you. And I did."

Jack's hopes were dashed. Ianto had read through his past in his own writing; there could be no denying the truth of it. The question was, how much had he read, and how much had it hurt the situation?

"I know," Jack said carefully. "I've seen some of it. Was it…are you…" He shook his head. "I don't even know what to say, what you must be thinking."

"I'm thinking you're quite a kinky bastard, for one," Ianto offered. "To be honest, I didn't read much…it was too hard. Not because of what I was reading, but because it was proof that these things really happened, only I don't remember them. And they still don't seem real to me, even after seeing it in my own handwriting."

"I'm sorry," Jack said, feeling miserable. "I wish there was something I could do to make this easier."

Ianto shrugged. "It is what it is. But afterward, when I was lying in bed not sleeping, I realized two things. Right now, I'm not that man, the man who wrote that diary, the man the rest of you think you know. But I'm not the man I think I am either. I'm someone in between."

"You're absolutely right," Jack murmured, amazed at how much Ianto had thought about this, and how right he was. "I can't imagine how hard it must be, not knowing who you truly are. I will do everything I can to help you remember the things you've forgotten, the man you were."  _So we can be together_ , he added to himself. It was as if Ianto had heard his unspoken thoughts.

"For my sake, or your own?"

"For you," Jack replied. "Ianto, I know what it's like to not remember, to have memories taken away. I lost two years of my life that I will never get back. I have no idea what happened or why I don't remember, and no friends, no diary to tell me anything about that time. I don't want you to go through the rest of your life always wondering what you've forgotten."

Ianto appeared surprised at Jack's openness. He sat down in the chair by Jack's desk, quiet as he thought. "Jack, what if the things I've forgotten are better left unremembered?"

"What?" Jack asked, though he had heard him perfectly. Ianto looked conflicted.

"What if I've forgotten them for a reason?" he asked. "What if this device takes away bad memories on purpose? It sounds like what happened with Lisa Hallett was a nightmare, and our history is fraught with its own difficulties…" He trailed off with a sigh. "What if it's better to forget?" he finished so quietly Jack could barely hear him.

Jack was speechless. He felt another piece of his heart break, that Ianto might not want to remember him, or their relationship. Yes, they'd had their challenges, their heartbreaks and betrayals, but for Ianto to assume it was so bad that he'd consider not remembering was beyond anything Jack might have expected. Had Ianto's experiences with love been so devastating that even without those memories he subconsciously felt better without them?

It took a long moment for Jack to reply, and he hoped his voice wouldn't break.

"I have experienced more pain, more heartbreak than I thought I could bear…over a hundred years of watching people I care about leave me, move on, die. Betrayal after betrayal, while constantly wondering what happened to me as I waited for the Doctor to come back, to find me and fix me…" His voice cracked and he took a deep breath before meeting Ianto's eyes. "I wouldn't give up a single memory, no matter how terrible, how painful. It makes us who we are, and I'd be a different man without those memories, even the bad ones. And more importantly, there are so many good ones linked intrinsically with the bad, that I could never, ever give those up. People, places, moments of joy and peace—Ianto, you had those with Lisa. I'd like to think you had some with me. And I have to believe they are worth keeping, worth remembering."

Ianto was staring very hard at the floor. After a minute, he nodded. "I think you're right," he whispered. "I hope you're right." He glanced up at Jack with a crooked smile on his face. "You told me some of the bad times last night. Maybe tell me some good ones sometime?"

Jack wanted to reach out and take Ianto's hand, but held back. "I would love to tell you," Jack said. "Whenever you're ready."

Ianto met his eyes and held his gaze before nodding. "Thank you," he said. "Because the other thing I realized after reading my diary is that I want to be the man in those pages. I want to get those memories back. That's why I left the box of your things at my flat."

Jack glanced down at his empty hands, wanting to reach out to Ianto, trying not to laugh or cry. "I wish I could kiss you right now," he murmured, surprised at how much he missed being able to offer such a simple gesture of comfort and support. He looked up again and grinned. "But I won't. I can wait."

Ianto rolled his eyes. "If it's one thing I do remember, it's that you aren't the most patient of men," he said, standing up, obviously ready to leave. Jack stood with him.

"I can be," he said. "And I will be, for you. But why ask me about not remembering if you'd already made up your mind to keep trying?"

Ianto seemed to think about it. "I wanted to be sure it was the right decision, that the good outweighs the bad. I read some terrible things, but also some amazing things. Things I want to do, to feel. Memories that seem too good to leave behind with the bad."

Jack tried to think of one Ianto might have written about. "New Year's Eve?" he suggested, remembering their night together at a posh hotel not so long ago. The team had set it up for them and tricked them into going, and it had been an amazing night, one that Jack would remember for as long as he could.

"Amongst other things," Ianto murmured. "What you said, just now, about your own memories—that only confirmed it. Thank you."

"Thank you," Jack said. "For wanting to remember. I know it would be so easy to leave it all behind, but—"

"I wouldn't be me," Ianto finished. "I want to be who I'm meant to be, and I don't think I'm meant to forget so much." He tucked his hands into his pockets and shook his head with a sigh. "All right, enough maudlin sentiment. I need to get to work."

"What are you going to do now?" Jack asked.

"I had some other ideas last night," Ianto said. "Couldn't sleep, so I did a lot of thinking. I went through all our records yesterday, but I want to do another search of the archives, crosscheck everything to see if I can find something that looks or acts similar to the device we picked up yesterday. God knows half the stuff down there is still misfiled."

"Sounds good," Jack said. "Let me know if you want any help. Tosh will probably be in soon, and Owen, and maybe between the three of you something will come up."

"I hope so," Ianto said, turning around to leave. Jack stopped him.

"Really?" he asked. "Are you sure? Because I don't want to push you. We can back off."

Ianto nodded. "I'm sure. And I'm curious."

"About what?" Jack asked.

"For one—that kiss," Ianto replied with a raised eyebrow

"Oh." Jack grinned again. "Well, I can always show you that kiss," he offered. Ianto smiled, a warm, genuine smile.

"You said you'd be patient," he pointed out.

"Can't blame a guy for trying," Jack laughed.

"Of course, sir," Ianto murmured, but he was still smiling as well.

"I'm glad you didn't lose your ability to flirt," Jack said, walking out into the Hub with him. "It gives me hope."

"It definitely makes things more interesting," Ianto replied. "Always has."

"Yes, it has," Jack agreed. "Let me know if you need anything, okay?"

Ianto nodded and went down to his office in the archives. Jack watched him leave, hoping he'd find something—and trying to resist the urge to follow.

* * *

They spent the day working on the device in various ways—Owen continued to study Tosh and Ianto's brain scans and ran more bloodwork, while Ianto combed the archives and Tosh worked on the device itself, running it through another battery of tests. Gwen kept an eye on the tourist office and other monitors, and Jack tried not to hover. Having made little progress, they stopped for lunch, but it was quiet and uncomfortable, knowing two of their own were suffering. Conversation was stilted, and they ate quickly before returning to their separate projects.

Unfortunately, most of the afternoon was lost tracking down a series of Rift alerts along the river. At first, it was space junk, bits and pieces of old satellites or spaceships, but as they were fishing a large chunk of metal from the water, there was a nearby splash, and a large eel-like creature reared its head and sent out a ripple of electricity. Jack recognized it as a Sleek, a water creature from Funderell that definitely shouldn't be swimming up and down the Taff. It took several tries, but eventually they managed to net it; unfortunately, the creature died as they pulled it from the water.

They returned to the Hub and placed the Sleek on ice for Owen to examine another day. Ianto made everyone coffee and they debriefed before going back to their projects. As the afternoon ended, Jack went down to the archives to check in with Ianto. He'd told himself he wouldn't bother the Welshman, but he wanted to make sure Ianto was feeling all right, and that he wasn't pushing himself too hard.

When Jack entered the archives, it appeared empty. Glancing around, he frowned at the mess on Ianto's desk, very uncharacteristic of his working habits. Had he found something, or was he frustrated?

"Ianto?" he called. "Are you still down here?"

"Back here, sir." Ianto's voice floated back from another room in the archives. "In the P section."

Jack made his way to where Ianto was standing on a stepstool, putting away a box of artifacts. He glanced up with a curious look. "What's in the P section? Find something?"

"Fortunately not," Ianto replied. Jack waited a moment, then asked.

"Why's that fortunate? I thought answers were good."

"I'm looking through the psychological torture section," Ianto replied. Jack waited for the rest of the explanation, but there was no more.

"You're serious?" he asked.

Ianto finished putting away the box and came down, facing Jack with nod, followed by a slight grimace; apparently, his head was still bothering him. "For once, yes. I've already gone through medical equipment and biological weapons. Psychological torture seemed a possible long-shot."

Jack tried not to let his surprise show on his face. "I didn't think we had a section for psychological torture devices."

"We only have a few, and most of those are educated guesses," Ianto told him.

"Why are you going through it by hand? Wouldn't the advanced database searches have turned up something?"

Ianto motioned him back toward the small office he kept downstairs. "I ran the crosscheck this morning, but there are a number of files with no photographs attached, or very little description in the write-up. And it's entirely possible Torchwood ran across one before, but nothing like this happened, so memory loss wouldn't be noted in the paperwork."

"I see what you mean," Jack replied. "So you decided to do it the old-fashioned way?"

"With my eyes," Ianto finished with a smile. "I didn't find anything resembling the device we have in any section, however. What about upstairs? Any news? Or have you come down to bother me for coffee?"

"I didn't come down to bother you at all," Jack said. "It's past our usual closing time, and I wanted to let everyone go at a decent hour tonight. Unless you wanted to keep working on this."

Ianto shook his head. "No, it's fine. I didn't realize it was so late, which is probably why my head is bothering me. Has Tosh learned anything about the device?"

"She said it may as well be a rock," Jack told him. "She hasn't found anything that indicates it was ever active."

They left the archives and headed back upstairs, walking slowly as they talked. "Is it possible it shorted out when it knocked us unconscious?" Ianto asked.

"That's what Tosh is thinking," Jack said. "That it pretty much destroyed itself with a power surge and is nothing but a lump of metal now. Which isn't helping her figure out how it works, what it did, or how to reverse it."

Ianto stopped, and Jack turned to find him frowning. "What's wrong?"

"Maybe it's not reversible then," Ianto said. "Maybe that flash wasn't supposed to take our memories, but when the device overloaded, that's what happened. Maybe it's permanent."

"No," Jack shook his head. "I don't think so. It's too specific. If some kind of pulse knocked you out, why would it affect only certain memories? And not one of you, but both you and Tosh have lost the exact same type of memories. I think that's probably what it's supposed to do, but I can't understand why."

Ianto nodded slowly and they continued walking. "Maybe it's a medical device?" he suggested. "Remove traumatic memories, perhaps to cure PTSD?"

"Could be," Jack agreed. "Although Owen is certain the memories are still there, but not accessible."

Ianto stopped again, looking at Jack in surprise. "When did he say that?"

"He's been studying your brain scans all day," Jack said, then apologized when he saw the look on Ianto's face. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything, I wasn't trying to keep it from you. He's been comparing them, side by side with older scans."

"And what did he find?"

"I have no idea," Jack replied. "Too much medical jargon. But he thinks that the connections to the memories you've forgotten are blocked, and your brain is rewiring itself around the blocks. They're still there, but the pathways to them are not working."

"So maybe it's a therapeutic device for trauma recovery?" Ianto suggested. "Block certain memories until the patient is ready to cope with them? Sort of like a time-release Retcon in reverse?"

Jack glanced at him in surprise and smiled with pride. He wanted to squeeze Ianto's hand, even hug him, but he knew that still wouldn't be received well. "That actually makes sense," he said. "You're good, you know."

"I try my best," Ianto replied dryly. "Especially when my life is on the line."

"There's no danger," Jack told him as they stepped into the Hub. "Owen said you're both in good health aside from the very specific memory loss, and in your case, the ongoing headaches."

"But my life isn't the same," Ianto said. "I've lost a big part of it. I've sometimes wondered if it would be better to forget some of the things I've experienced, like Canary Wharf, but I don't want to forget the good with them. You said there were good things, too. I want to fix this and get all my memories back."

"I'm glad," Jack said, trying not to feel emotional, but he was. He was incredibly relieved that Ianto wanted to remember his old life, because there were good memories of them together that were worth remembering. Their first kiss, growing closer, their first official date, Ianto's birthday, New Year's Eve, and a dozen things in between. Little things like the feel of holding hands at the zoo, of sneaking kisses in the archives, of cooking a meal together; weekend mornings spent watching television and planning for that elusive weekend away someday. Those things meant more to Jack than he'd ever realized—losing them would be devastating. He was determined to regain everything Ianto had lost, so they could have more time together, and he promised himself he would tell Ianto how much he meant to Jack.

Ianto met his eyes, but quickly cleared his throat and continued walking. "Yes, well, I have an idea to pass on to Tosh, and then I need something to eat."

"Want to go to dinner?" Jack blurted before he could stop himself. "Not like a date—not together— well, together as in both of us will be there, but not together like a date or anything." He was stumbling and knew it, and so did Ianto, because he was obviously trying not to laugh.

"Sure," he said. "That sounds okay. Somewhere close and casual?"

"How about the Dockside?" Jack suggested a local upscale pub the team had gone to a few times. "I can tell you about some of the good things, if you're up for it."

"Okay," Ianto replied. "Maybe it'll help."

"Great," Jack said, unable to keep the goofy smile from his face. Ianto rolled his eyes at Jack's enthusiasm, then walked over to Tosh's station, where she was talking to Owen.

"Find anything?" Ianto asked, an eager pitch to his voice. Tosh shook her head in clear frustration.

"No," she said. "Nothing. It may as well be scrap metal!"

"So whatever happened with that flash of light destroyed it?" When Tosh nodded, Ianto continued slowly. "Is there any way to discover what the flash was instead?"

"What are you getting at?" asked Owen. Ianto looked like he was trying to explain but struggling to put his idea to words.

"If we can study the burst of energy, maybe it will help us understand how it affected us." Owen still looked confused, but Tosh was paying attention. "It may be our only avenue of research left. Did any of our instruments pick up the flash, like our PDAs?"

Tosh sat up and shook her head. "I already checked, all they picked up was a surge of electromagnetic energy."

"So, an EMP of some sort?" Jack suggested.

"I don't see how an EMP would affect our memories," Tosh said. "The electromagnetic energy may have been the device shorting out."

"What about the SUV? Could any of those instruments have picked up something else?" Ianto asked.

"Maybe," Tosh said, sounding skeptical.

"Might be worth checking out," Ianto said. "And if that doesn't pan out, maybe hack into any satellites overhead at the time?"

Jack glanced at them in surprise. "Do you think it was big enough for a satellite to pick up?"

Tosh looked excited. "If it was and there was a weather satellite nearby, maybe we can get something to work with. Great idea, Ianto!"

"Hang on," said Owen. "What's a weather satellite going to pick up that our instruments didn't?"

"No idea, but it's worth a try," Tosh said.

"It's a great idea for tomorrow," Jack said. "We're calling it a night. We've been at this all day and need a break."

"I'm fine, Jack," Tosh said, already typing at her computer. "I want to check on the SUV, then see if I can track down any satellite readings."

"You should eat," Jack started, but she waved him off.

"I'll order something," she said, but she was clearly focused on her work. Jack shrugged and turned to Owen.

"Feel free to do what you do. We're going to get dinner."

Owen frowned, glancing between them. "Is that a good idea? Given the current situation?"

"There is no situation, Owen," Ianto pointed out, and Jack tried not to grimace. Apparently, he didn't hide it well, because Owen gave him a curious look, almost bordering on sympathetic. "We're getting some food."

"Go ahead," Tosh said absently. "Maybe when you get back I'll have some readings to work with."

Jack and Ianto exchanged an amused glance. "Do you want us to bring you anything?" Ianto asked, but Tosh shook her head.

"Thanks, but I'm good. I want to keep working on this." They waited until she turned around to face them. "Really, I'm fine. No headache, nothing. Go ahead. I'll call if I find anything."

"Thanks, Tosh," Jack said. "I know you both want your memories back, but we know from experience that if we push things too hard, we often end up taking a step backward instead."

Tosh waved them off and continued working. Ianto grabbed his coat and some more paracetamol, and they left the Hub by way of the tourist office, sending Gwen home with hugs and kisses from them both. Jack tried not to think of how many times they had done this before—dinner after work—and how different it would be now that Ianto had no memory of them.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you find this more uplifting than the last! It was a bear to work through that first part, though. Many changes and developments over the drafts. Also, I am not an expert in any kind of technological device, particularly alien ones. Thank you for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

Dinner started off well enough. They found a table near the back and ordered a pint and some dinner, then made simple small talk before lapsing into an uncomfortable silence that Jack hated. He thought they had grown past that, to the point where silence between them was comfortable. Jack didn't feel the need to fill it with mindless chatter like he did with so many others. With Ianto, he could be more introverted, more introspective. Normal, and not larger-than-life.

He did not feel that anymore. It was as if Ianto were a completely different person, anxiously adjusting the napkins, the silverware, bouncing his leg. After several minutes of trying to start a conversation that didn't revolve around work, Jack gave up. He sighed and sat back.

"I'm sorry about this," he said, waving his hand between them. "Losing your memories, coming here, all of it. Do you want to get our food to go and eat at the Hub?"

Ianto glanced at him in surprise. "No, why?"

"Because you are clearly nervous about being here," Jack pointed out. "I don't bite—unless you want me too."

Ianto huffed. "And you wonder why I'm so nervous, when you make comments like that."

"Sorry," Jack said, though he couldn't help but hide a smirk. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"That's the thing, though, isn't it?" he asked. "I shouldn't be uncomfortable, not if we've been doing this for months. And I should definitely be used to your flirting." He took a sip of his drink. "But knowing that comments like that actually went somewhere…" Shaking his head, he laughed to himself. "It's different being outside the Hub, I guess. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. Maybe that's why my head still hurts and Tosh's doesn't."

Jack wasn't sure what to say, since they'd already had a similar conversation that morning. And though Jack didn't have much of a medical background, he could only image that trying to process two different sets of memories was challenging and painful. "You sure you want to stay, then? We can leave."

"No," Ianto said, sounding determined. "We should—" He was interrupted as their food arrived, fish and chips for him and shepherd's pie for Jack. "Eat."

They tucked in, and after a few bites Ianto glanced up. "Maybe you could tell me some of the good things I've forgotten. Help put the bad things I do remember behind?"

Jack nodded and began to tell Ianto some of the things they had done over the past eight months, from their first official date to concerts to their trip to London in August. He talked about naked hide and seek, their date at the zoo that had ended with Ianto invisible ("I thought we were investigating a case, not on a date!"), and Sunday mornings spent in bed watching telly. There was a short but perfect overnight in Barry, Gwen's wedding, and New Year's Eve. The latter had only been weeks before, and Jack found it hard to talk about, knowing Ianto did not remember how special that night had been. He tried to remember things about Lisa and share them as well; unfortunately, Ianto had not talked about Lisa as much, and Jack didn't want to make things up.

By the end of the meal, Ianto was watching Jack with an astounded look on his face. Jack, on the other hand, had rarely felt so open and happy as he did at that moment, remembering his best moments with Ianto. Some involved the rest of the team, but most were the two of them. A few were from the months before Jack left, but most were since his return in the spring, less than a year of strong, beautiful memories. He was so thankful to have them, to have Ianto Jones in his life, that it physically hurt to think that Ianto did not share those memories anymore.

"You look surprised," Jack pointed out when he was finished.

"I'm astonished," Ianto replied. He was picking at his food; glancing at the Welshman's plate, Jack saw that the other man had eaten only about half. Was he nervous, upset, or simply that interested in Jack's stories?

"Why?" Jack asked through one of his last mouthfuls of pie.

"I have no memory of any of it—of Lisa Hallett, of all these things you say we've done. And to be honest, while I can imagine being with her, I can't imagine all those things with you."

"I didn't make anything up," Jack told him. "You really did say yes when I asked you on a date."

"I believe you," Ianto replied quickly. "I read that part in my diary. I guess it's strange to think that you asked, and that I said yes. In my mind, you're a bit of a tease, a cad—whatever you want to call it. You flirt and I flirt and it's all fun, but you're also secretive and enigmatic, and you left us for months on our own after we betrayed you. Then you tell me what happened with Lisa Hallett on top of all that, and it becomes even harder to see how we could have possibly ended up together."

"It's definitely not your typical Mills and Boons novel," Jack said, grinning when Ianto laughed at his joke.

"It's insane," Ianto said. "In a rather remarkable way."

Jack's heart leapt with hope. "Is it something you might want again someday?" he asked. "If you don't remember, that is."

"I don't know," Ianto replied with a frown. "I think—"

They were interrupted by both of their mobiles going off at the same time with a message from Tosh: a Weevil had been spotted near Roath Docks and they were closest. Jack motioned Ianto to call the Hub while he paid the bill. They were out the door within minutes, hurrying to the car park. Jack tried not to get excited at the thought of Weevil hunting with Ianto.

Five minutes later they were at the docks and began searching for the elusive beast. With Tosh's help, they cornered it near a stack of shipping containers and wrestled it to the ground. It was a quick chase, no one was hurt, and rather than bring it back to the Hub, they took the Weevil to the nearest sewer drain and let it go.

"That's the third Weevil sighting in two days," Jack said as they made their way back to the SUV.

"Full moon tonight," Ianto said. "Could be part of it."

"Doesn't usually bring them out," Jack said.

"Biggest one of the year," Ianto said. "The moon will be at perigee, closest point to the earth. Bigger tides, all that. We know they're sensitive to environmental factors, like time, maybe this is another one."

Jack glanced sideways at the other man, once again marveling at how intelligent Ianto was, and how continuously underrated. Of course he would know that there was a full moon, and that it was the closest one all year.

"Bad timing, though," Jack murmured.

"Aren't they always?" asked Ianto.

"Yes, but right now I'd rather be figuring out how to get your memories back," Jack said. "Not chasing monsters through dark alleys."

"We can't change the way the solar system works," Ianto replied with a shrug. "Besides, I thought you enjoyed Weevil hunting."

Jack grinned crookedly. "I do, with you. Only it usually ends a little differently than this."

"You were injured when you went out with Gwen," Ianto pointed out, obviously not understanding Jack's reference. "We don't even have a scratch and barely scuffed up our clothes."

"Yes, but we usually—never mind," Jack shook his head, abruptly disappointed in their chase. "Let's go back to the Hub and send everyone home."

Ianto glanced at his watch in surprise. "It's only half eight," he said. "What if Tosh has found something?"

"Then we can work on it in the morning." Jack held up a hand when Ianto would have protested. "It's been a long day, Ianto. There's no reason to pull an all-nighter."

Ianto's face hardened. "You haven't lost half your memories," he pointed out.

"And overworking won't get them back," Jack replied. "Look, I want you to remember more than anything, but not if there are other consequences because we're too tired and we make mistakes. The mind is a tricky thing, we all know that. We need to do this right."

Ianto studied him in the dark and nodded. They walked back to the SUV and drove the short distance to the Hub in silence. Inside, they found Owen giving Tosh almost the same lecture about going home to rest. Apparently, the SUV had failed to record anything about the flash of light at the park, and Tosh had been unable to find any relevant satellite readings before being distracted by the Weevil. She was clearly frustrated and wanted to start hacking anything she could think of to try and find what she needed.

"He's right, Tosh," Jack said. "Go home and get some rest."

"There might not be anything to find by then!" she exclaimed. Jack shook his head, standing strong.

"If someone recorded something, it'll be there tomorrow," Jack said. "Go home and come in fresh in the morning with some new ideas."

"I can drive you home, if you like," Ianto said. Everyone looked at him in surprise. He seemed to pick up on why immediately and rolled his eyes. "Just because I slept here the other night doesn't mean I'm about to stay now. Let's go home, Tosh. We'll get our memories back tomorrow."

"Thanks, Ianto," she murmured, shutting down her station. She gathered her things and walked out with Ianto, who gave him a silent wave and a small smile. Jack watched them leave together, irrationally envious of their bond at that moment even though he knew they were good friends.

He turned to retreat to his office only to find Owen standing there, like the previous night, tapping the tip of his pen against his chin as he gave Jack an enigmatic look.

"Feels different being on the other side, doesn't it?" the doctor asked.

"Not sure what you mean," Jack replied, though he knew something was coming.

"Here's you constantly flirting, eyeing people up on the street, handing out your number like candy, while tea boy stands around rolling his eyes and watching, waiting for you to come back. Only now he doesn't remember you, so you're the one standing around watching, with no one to go back to this time."

It stung, hearing Owen put it like that. Jack immediately grew defensive. "It's not like that, you know. The flirting, the looks—and I don't hand out my number to anyone not connected to a case."

"Fine," Owen said, holding up his hands in surrender. "It's not like that. I don't want to know what it's like. Only you're not getting your Welsh shagging quota in this weekend, and that kills you, doesn't it?"

"It's not just about sex, Owen," Jack snapped. "I happen to like spending time with Ianto. We enjoy being together, we have a good time, we…" He trailed off at the look on Owen's face. "What?"

"But Ianto doesn't remember any of that, and he didn't seem to believe it, either. It's interesting, isn't it?"

"What is?" Jack asked warily.

"Well, how did it happen? If this Ianto, stripped of his memories, was completely shocked at the idea of you two sleeping together, how did the old Ianto get past that? Because last I knew, he was completely besotted with you, and now he's gone home with Tosh."

Jack crossed his hands over his chest. "First of all, it's not like he's revolted by the idea, and he wasn't besotted two days ago. And there's nothing going on between him and Tosh."

Owen waved that last off. "Oh, I know that—but I also know it's driving you crazy that he drove Tosh home and didn't so much as kiss you good-bye."

"We don't kiss good-bye, Owen," Jack replied dryly. "It's work, it's different."

"Right," Owen nodded. "It's separate. And I think it's more. You know what, Jack…it's okay to care about him. And it's okay to be upset about this, because you've lost something here, too."

Jack stared at Owen in surprise. The doctor had gone from taking the mickey to abruptly caring; it was odd, to say the least, but Owen usually knew what he was doing.

"Of course I care about him, but I'm concerned about Tosh's memories as well. So yes, I'm upset, because two of my team have forgotten big parts of their lives!"

"Tosh didn't forget  _you_ , though," Owen pointed out. "And it sucks to be forgotten by someone you care about. But we'll figure it out, Jack. We will. And if not, you'll have to seduce him all over again."

"I didn't seduce him, Owen," Jack said. "In fact, he was the one who kissed me the first time—"

"Stop," Owen said, turning to leave. "I don't want to know. You may have sent the others home, but I've got nothing better to do, so I'm going to brush up on my neurobiology."

He went down to the medical bay without another word, leaving Jack standing in the middle of the Hub trying to figure out why he suddenly felt so anxious. Was it Owen's words, or was it as simple as missing Ianto? It was the second night in a row he would sleep alone. Did he miss Ianto, or was he chafing at the situation, at being forced to spend the night by himself again?

Either way, he decided he couldn't sit around and wallow in it a second night. He had to do something, find something to fix it. Turning abruptly, he started back toward the Hub door. "I'm going out!" he called to Owen. "I'll have my mobile."

"You're not going after Ianto, are you?" Owen shouted. "You'll creep him out if you do!"

"No," Jack tossed back. "I'm not. I'm going to talk to some friends, see if any of them have heard of anything like this. Might check out the Silos too. I want some leads so we're not fishing in the mud tomorrow."

"Good luck," the doctor called. Jack left the Hub, determined to find something, anything, that would help.

And if it kept his mind off the alternative, even better.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has commented, I really appreciate it. It lets me know that the story is still being read and (hopefully) enjoyed. I felt like I was taking a risk with this one in many ways (ask if you are curious - I'm on Tumblr, too), but I've enjoyed working through the challenges this story presented and look forward to sharing the rest. Comments are much appreciated.


	7. Chapter 7

They were all in early the next morning. Jack had picked up pastries for the conference room, and Ianto brought coffee, and they went over everything they had—which wasn't much. Tosh still wanted to hack into any satellites she could find to see if they'd picked up any useful information from the park on Friday afternoon, while Ianto wanted to hack UNIT to comb their classified records.

"Tosh, go ahead. Ianto…" Jack sighed. "As much as I hate to say it, let's call them first. Ask nicely."

Ianto nodded reluctantly, then winced slightly. He was still taking painkillers for the ongoing headache that didn't seem to be resolving.

"Owen, is there any chance this might wear off eventually?" Gwen asked. "Like when someone is in an accident and has temporary amnesia for a few days?"

"Those people tend to lose a few hours, not years, and not such specific memories," Owen said. "Tosh and Ianto's brains are suppressing certain memories and then working around them, creating new memories to explain the events surrounding the ones they've suppressed. I don't think it's going to wear off when it's so specific to both of them."

"What about triggering them with something that helps them remember what actually happened?"

"This isn't some BBC drama, Gwen," Jack said, leaning forward in annoyance.

"I didn't say it was," she answered. "But there are always stories about people who regained their memories from a single trigger—a photograph, a special song. It seems worth trying."

"I watched the CCTV footage of Jack and I returning to the Hub Thursday night," Ianto told her. "He told me about Lisa. I still don't remember any of it." He did not mention reading his diary.

"I don't remember going out with Tommy either," Tosh said. "Even though I found a picture of us at my flat. I thought he was a good friend that we all lost."

Gwen looked disappointed and glanced at Owen for help. He threw his hands in the air in frustration.

"There's nothing I can do. I can see what's wrong in their heads, but I don't have the ability or the technology to fix it. The only thing that could do that for certain would be the device itself. Which is usually the case when we get tangled up in alien technology around here."

Tosh shook her head. "But it may as well be scrap metal! As far as I can tell, it's completely inactive. I don't see how I can possibly get any information from it to help us, let alone get it working again."

"So our best bet is tracking down any measurements of the pulse itself, or finding something similar," Jack concluded. "Let's get to it, then. I'll call UNIT and—"

"Really?" Ianto interrupted. "You don't think I should call them?"

"I can be perfectly nice," Jack replied.

"In a perfectly overbearing way," Ianto answered back. "I'd also prefer we didn't tell them why we needed access to their records, and I can be discreet."

"I know how to be discreet, too," Jack said, exasperated.

"Oh, is that why General Brightman only takes your calls when I send him a bottle of MacCallans?" Ianto asked lightly. Jack gave up and waved him off. He didn't like playing nice with UNIT anyway, but sometimes he wished the team understood his methods a little better.

"So Tosh is working on the pulse, Ianto is working on more records, Owen is—" Jack paused. "What are you going to do, Owen?"

"I was reading up on neurobiology and psychiatry last night, thought I'd continue down that line of research," the doctor replied. "There's an expert in the field I'd like to call in the morning, if that's okay." He didn't look at Jack, but at Tosh and Ianto. "I'll be discreet."

They both nodded, and Jack approved. "That leaves Gwen—how about you do everything else that needs to be done?"

"What?" she asked. Everyone looked at Jack in surprise.

"We've got experts on tech, medical, and records working their angles, but no one to work upstairs, feed the residents, get us some food, monitor the Rift—basically, everything else."

"And what are you going to do?" Gwen asked. "Sit around and watch the rest of us?"

"It's called supervising," Jack replied more cheerfully than he felt. "For your information, I spent half the night talking to contacts, trying to gather any information I could. I also threw some more Weevils back into the sewers."

"Talking?" Owen asked, his voice tinged with disbelief and the implication clear. "Right."

Jack's eyes flew to Ianto. "I didn't do anything," Jack protested. "I was trying to help."

"Don't look at me," Ianto replied. "I remember how much you like to flirt." He stood up to leave, completely unbothered, and Tosh followed, leaving Jack sitting with Gwen and Owen.

"That was low, Owen," Gwen hissed across the table. "You only said that because Ianto doesn't remember being with Jack!"

"Maybe," Owen replied with an unconvincing shrug.

Jack pushed his chair away and stood abruptly. "Get to work, Owen. Find a way to fix this, and stop making it worse."

He hoped he stormed out with appropriate dramatics. He heard Gwen tell Owen off again, then she came jogging up next to him.

"He's just trying to rile you up, Jack," she said.

"Yes, well it's working," Jack muttered.

"Don't let it," she replied. He stopped and stared at her, trying not to snap.

"It's not that easy, Gwen," he said. "Despite what you may think about me and my cold-hearted ways, this is hard for me. I don't like knowing two of my people have lost their memories. Owen making bad jokes about it doesn't help!"

"It's Owen," she soothed. "Deep down, he does it because he's jealous."

Jack snorted and started back upstairs again.

"I'm serious," Gwen said, her voice quieter. "He's always been a wanker when it comes to other people's relationships, but now he'll never have another one. He's dead, Jack, and yet he's not. He's not going to meet someone, get married, have kids. He can't eat, he can't have sex—nothing. So he takes it out on us every now and then."

Jack glanced sideways at her. "You really think that's it?"

"Yes," she replied without hesitation. "And I think he picks on Ianto more because deep down he cares, like an older brother." She grinned. "Or, in your case, like the prodigal son."

He bumped her shoulder and laughed, some of the tension relaxing from his body. She was right, both about Owen's current state of living, and about his general approach to taking the piss. He always had, always would. The day Owen Harper didn't give one of them a hard time was the day he was truly gone.

"Is there anything else I can do?" she asked before they stepped into the main part of the Hub. "Anything to help?"

"I meant what I said about keeping an eye out on everything else," Jack replied. "I know it's not much when it comes to solving this, but we still need someone to stay on top of all the other things we do, especially considering how busy it's been. If there are any Weevils or Rift alerts, we'll take them while the others keep working on the memory issue."

She laid a hand on his arm, much like she had the other night. "It's fine, Jack. I can do whatever is needed. You take a break, clear your head."

He thanked her and went to his office. He didn't need a break, he needed to get Tosh and Ianto's memory break.

* * *

He didn't get a break at all. He took Gwen out on a Rift alert only to find a broken television from 1969, followed by more space junk near the docks. They returned for lunch, and then the entire team were all out to Morganstown tracking a group of duck-like creatures who had mysteriously appeared in the middle of a cemetery pond. Jack was half tempted to let them roam free, passing them off as unusually large waterfowl, only these had long, sharp teeth. When one took out an actual duck along the river, they knew it was inevitable: the Hub would gain some new residents. Jack hoped to find them more permanent homes, but for the near future they would have a room to themselves, a small child's pool, and a steady diet of meat and potatoes. Ianto was not happy.

It took most of the afternoon, and Gwen got bit by one of the damn things. They trudged back to the Hub, threw the buggers in a cage, and cleaned up before grabbing dinner at the nearest pizza place. Jack paid the bill and told everyone to go home, but no one moved.

"Jack, we barely had a chance to work on our memory loss!" Toss protested.

"I know," he soothed. "We'll try again in the morning, I promise."

"We're running out of things to try," she said, sounding frustrated. "I've found nothing, Ianto's found nothing, you have nothing. Only Owen has half an idea—"

The doctor shrugged. "I'll talk to the psychiatrist tomorrow and see what he says. It may be our best shot at recovering those memories if we can't figure out anything about that device."

"What is?" asked Gwen.

"Probably hypnotism," Ianto told her, his tone clearly dismissive.

"What, you don't like therapists either?" Owen asked in mock surprise. "No one does, you know."

"I worked for Torchwood One," Ianto said. "Which is one of many reasons I don't like having someone poking around inside my head."

"I'll try it," Tosh said. "It doesn't bother me, not too much."

"And if it doesn't work?" Gwen asked. "Jack, maybe we need more help."

"We've only been at it three days," Jack protested. "We'll figure it out! Besides, we happen to be the experts on this sort of thing, so I'm not sure who we would call."

"Someone higher up," she suggested.

"Higher up?" Jack repeated. "Like God?"

"No," she replied, her voice taking on that stubborn tone she did so well, and to so much frustration. Jack could feel his body tensing up. "What about UNIT?"

"I went through most of their computer network this morning," Ianto reminded her. "I don't think they can help us."

"What about…I don't know, someone else who deals with this sort of thing? Maybe the United States, or that Russian group? Or maybe your doctor?"

"The Doctor?" Jack finished his drink, motioning for a second. He needed it, as the thought of calling the Doctor for help made hisskin crawl. "Why would we do that? We've gone through plenty of other tough spots and not called in the cavalry."

"We're running out of options," she replied. "Why wouldn't we take advantage of any resource we could to help them? Especially a doctor?"

"He's not actually a doctor," Jack said.

"But could he help us?" she pressed. Jack shrugged, because he didn't know the answer.

The others seemed to agree with Gwen. "She might have a point, Jack," Owen said. "You ran off with him to get some answers about weird stuff. Maybe he could do something about this."

"This device is not in any of our records," said Tosh. "I can't tell you the first thing about it, and Ianto didn't find anything about it in the UNIT files. We can contact neurologists and psychiatrists and maybe even some psychics, but in the end, we still don't know how it works, and Owen said that may be the only way to reverse this. Whether it's alien or something from the future, the Doctor might be the only resource for information we don't have and can't get on our own."

Jack looked to Ianto, hoping that he, of all of them, would see that it was a bad idea. Ianto was familiar with Torchwood One's policy on the Time Lord, and he knew, in part, how Jack felt about the Doctor…only he didn't remember the latter. Instead, Ianto looked conflicted. "If he could tell us what it is, or how it works, maybe we could figure out how to reverse it."

"I thought Torchwood One considered the Doctor anathema," Jack said. "Capture at all costs."

"We did," Ianto said. "Because that's what they told us, but we knew there was more to it. Torchwood wanted the Doctor because Queen Victoria wanted the Doctor. We captured him at Canary Wharf. He was a bit mad, but he saved us, or what was left of us." A brief look of pain crossed Ianto's face. He swallowed the rest of his pint in one go and motioned for another one; clearly no one was leaving any time soon. "Maybe he's not the enemy. Maybe he could help."

Jack sighed. To be honest, he wasn't sure what the Doctor could do. Yes, he might know about the device, but what then? Maybe the Doctor could repair it with his sonic screw driver. Maybe he could even bring them another one. But would he? The Doctor tended to involve himself in world-ending events. Would he even respond to a call about two of Jack's Torchwood agents losing their memory?

And did Jack want to call him for help? He'd left the Doctor on good terms, having worked through the hurt, anger, and resentment of his long wait for answers during the year that never was. He'd also realized that the Doctor was fallible, as capable of making a mistake as any of them. Yet the driving impetus behind Jack's takeover of Torchwood, to make the Doctor proud, would never fully dissipate. It felt like admitting weakness to call him for help, especially when Jack hadn't contacted the Doctor for anything else since he'd returned. Jack wanted to do this himself, with his team. To prove himself, and them.

"It might be a last resort," he finally admitted. "Though maybe we should call—"

"Martha first," Ianto finished. "If Owen's lead doesn't pan out?"

"Martha is a doctor, and she's with UNIT, so even without her connection to the Doctor, she's a good person to have as a resource," Jack admitted. "I'll talk to her, see if she has any ideas. She's traveled with the Doctor and went through a lot during the year I was gone, so—"

"A year?" Gwen asked, exchanging surprised looks with the others. "You were gone an entire year?"

"Time travel," Jack offered with a forced smile, kicking himself for the slip. It was not something he'd talked about with the rest of the team. They suspected it had been longer for him than them, but he had not shared the grim details with anyone but Ianto. "Not always a good thing."

Owen shook his head, equally astonished. "Did you know that, teaboy? That he was gone so long?"

"I had no idea," Ianto replied. He seemed both surprised and confused. Jack looked away, irrationally disappointed that Ianto did not remember. He had told Ianto months ago, laying in the dark, confessing secrets to one another. It had been after Tommy had gone back to 1918, and Jack had realized how much Ianto had quickly come to mean to him. He hadn't wanted to lose that closeness, and had told him everything about his time away.

"I'll give Martha a call if we don't make any progress," Jack said, bringing the conversation back to the topic at hand and hoping no one asked him any questions about the year he'd been gone. "If that's all right with you?" he directed to Owen. He didn't want to step on the doctor's toes by calling in a second doctor.

"Fine by me," Owen said. "She was good last time she was here, and if she's got any connections that might help us solve this, I can set my ego aside to take advantage of it."

"Thanks, Owen." Jack motioned for the check and quickly paid the bill. They finished their drinks and headed out. When they all started back toward the Hub, Jack stopped them and told them to go home—no arguments this time. Tosh looked disappointed, but Owen offered to walk with her. Gwen tried to argue, until Ianto told her he was fine with getting back to work on the case in morning. He urged her to go home and rest after her injury, assuring her he was going to grab a few things from his desk and go home as well since his headache had returned. Jack wondered if Ianto actually needed something from his desk, or if he was looking for an excuse to go back to the Hub and keep working. Or if he wanted to see Jack.

They walked back toward the Hub together, stopping outside the tourist office while Ianto got out his keys. Jack had been thinking about the conversation from the restaurant the entire way and couldn't hold it in any longer.

"I told you," Jack said, standing behind Ianto. "About the year I was gone. I told you everything, months ago."

"You did?" Ianto once again had that same look on his face from the previous night, one of complete surprise.

"Everything I could," Jack replied, unable to hold back a sad sigh. "We were lying in bed, in the dark."

"I suppose that's why I don't remember," Ianto mused. "Although I wonder why my mind didn't rewrite it—sitting in your office or something."

"Probably because it would mean something about us your mind doesn't recognize right now," Jack said quietly. "It was an emotional conversation, and not one I've had with anyone else."

"Not even Gwen?" Ianto asked, his tone more curious than not. "In my mind, you're very close, you know. We even wondered about it when you came back, how that would affect her engagement."

Jack wondered, with a twinge of horror, if that was Ianto's memory rewiring itself or something he had actually discussed with the others. He had asked Ianto on a date the night he had returned, had made good on that promise and started a relationship with the Welshman. Had Ianto wondered all along if Jack had done the same with Gwen? The thought pained him.

"Ianto, you have to understand something…" Jack toed the ground before looking up to meet Ianto's eyes. "You are the one I am with, the only one I have been with since I came back. And more than anyone, you helped me through a difficult time. My trip with the Doctor was hard, harder than I ever thought traveling with the Doctor could be. I came back for you, and you helped ground me after a terrible year away."

He swallowed the lump in his throat as he remembered laying in the dark, telling Ianto about his year in chains, confessing as much as he could as if purging the dark memories would somehow help. And it had: Ianto had accepted Jack's pain and guilt without question and helped Jack adjust those first months back on a world he'd seen destroyed by the Master.

Ianto seemed to notice Jack's sudden turn of mood. "I'm sorry I don't remember," he said quietly.

"Not your fault," Jack said brightly. "And it's not high on the list of things you'd want to remember, that's for sure."

"It was that bad?" Ianto asked.

"Very." Jack sighed. "But it was months ago. I'm where I want to be, with the person I want to be with."

Ianto abruptly turned back to the door. "I should go," he started. "I want to grab some files, then I'll—"

They were interrupted by an alert from Jack's wrist strap. He swore as he brought up the information from the Hub.

"Weevils again," he said, then glanced up at the sky; it was cloudy, but a fuzzy white circle was still visible. "Grangemoor Park. You might be right about that full moon."

"I wish I wasn't," Ianto replied as they hurried inside and sped through the Hub toward the car park and the SUV. Fortunately, they both had their weapons, and the SUV was supplied with anything they might need for Weevil chasing, so there was no need to stop. Ianto called Owen to let the others know he and Jack were on it.

One Weevil turned out to be three large Weevils, tricky for even the two of them working together with their usual rapport. They took down one of them quickly, then split up to go after the last two. Already distracted by Ianto's memory loss and thoughts of his year with the Doctor, Jack misjudged the beast that turned on him and was clawed brutally across his chest and gut, an injury he wasn't getting up from. The Weevil pinned him down for the kill.

"Jack!" He felt the Weevil collapse on top of him, shot dead. Ianto shoved it off Jack, looking terrified. "Shit—are you—Jack, what can I do?"

"Don't die," Jack wheezed, hoping there weren't any other creatures around. "And maybe help me somewhere less conspicuous so I can?"

Jack literally held his guts in as he staggered with Ianto toward a copse of trees where he could die and revive without anyone seeing him. He fell to the ground, gasping with pain.

"Are you all right?" he managed to ask Ianto. He looked far more scuffed up than the previous night, with a cut across his temple that Jack didn't like.

"I'm fine. I had to shoot the one that came after me, as well as the one on top of you," he murmured. "So that's all three—a bitch to clean up, that's for sure."

"I'm sorry," Jack started, but he knew he wouldn't finish. He closed his eyes against the pain, relaxed, and let the darkness claim him.

When he came to, he was still laying in the grass, though he was sitting against a tree and covered with Ianto's coat. He started shivering uncontrollably in the cold night air, before panic took over and he shot to his feet. "Ianto?" he whispered, then called, then shouted into the night. He stepped away from the trees, frantically glancing around the area for Ianto.

Ianto had left him.

It was as if he were dying all over again as a black cloud covered his vision. He tried to breathe, but felt his chest constricting with painful gasps, and he fell to his knees, trying not to sob. Ianto rarely left him to die alone—it had been weeks, even months—and when he did, Ianto was  _always_ there when Jack woke up, sometimes holding him, or simply nearby to steady him with calm words. Why had Ianto left? Was he safe? Had he been dragged away by another Weevil?

No, they'd got all the Weevils. Ianto had left because he had no reason to stay. He didn't remember the first time he'd held Jack, didn't know it was something Jack had come to rely on. He had no idea Jack was suffering alone, waking up by himself instead of cradled in warm, supportive arms. He didn't remember being with Jack—why would he stay with his dead body?

Jack's chest heaved with unspoken sobs, until he felt a hand rubbing his back, murmuring soft words, helping him stand and steadying him. Ianto looked surprised, and worried, but he was all right, he was alive. Jack pulled the other man to him in a fierce hug, ignoring the protests and simply reveling in the feel of Ianto's body against his after three long days.

Too soon Ianto untangled himself and stepped away, looking even more concerned. "Are you all right?" he asked. "I mean, aside from the obvious?"

Jack laughed, the sound harsh and hysterical to his ears. He nodded and tried to calm his racing heart. "I'm fine, I'm alive. I'm just relieved to see you. You're okay."

"I'm okay," Ianto agreed. "Few more cuts and bruises compared to last night, but not bad for the odds. Ruined my suit, though," he added, showing Jack a long tear in the arm.

"Is it bad?" Jack asked. He couldn't see that well in the dark, but it looked like it was bleeding. He remembered he had Ianto's coat, and handed it to him so the Welshman wouldn't freeze.

"I can't take it to the tailor," Ianto replied, but there was an element of forced levity to it, and he sighed. "It stings, but I can't complain when you're…when you…" He waved his hand around.

"I'm all right," Jack reassured him. "Walking, talking, totally healed, although it was different—" He broke off too late. "Never mind."

Ianto frowned, but did not question him. "I picked up the other two Weevils and brought the SUV closer. We should get our last friend inside."

Jack was glad for the excuse not to talk as they carried the last Weevil to the boot and tossed it in the back with the others. Although Jack hated killing the creatures, these had been vicious, and attacking in a pack. They'd had no choice. Ianto must have taken the keys from his pocket earlier and got into the driver's seat again, waiting patiently for Jack to buckle himself in.

"How was it different?" he asked. "Something to be concerned about?"

Since he couldn't very well tell Ianto that he usually stayed until Jack revived, Jack deflected. "Haven't been eviscerated by a Weevil in a while. Nasty buggers."

Ianto gave him a skeptical look, but turned the car toward the Hub and they drove back in silence. After disposing of the Weevil's bodies, Jack offered to help clean Ianto's wounds, but he shook his head, then winced.

"I can do it at home," he said.

"I can help," Jack insisted.

"I know," Ianto said. "And I appreciate it, but I don't know if it's a good idea, given how things stand between us."

Jack shook his head. "We're still coworkers, Ianto. Still friends. I'd help Tosh, or Gwen, or even Owen if they were injured."

"I've got a kit at home," Ianto said. "And I'll have Owen look at my arm in the morning."

Jack wanted to argue—hell, he wanted to go over every inch of Ianto and make sure the man was all right—but he knew he had to let it go. Ianto had to relearn how to be comfortable around him, and Jack had already said he would be patient.

Only he wasn't sure if he could.

"Be careful," he said, not entirely sure what his warning was for. "Get some rest, and I'll see you in the morning."

"Yes, sir," Ianto murmured. He held back a yawn, then grinned sheepishly. "If I don't nod off on the way home."

"You're welcome to—never mind," Jack said. "Thanks for your help tonight. I appreciate it."

"It still got you," Ianto said. "I'm sorry for that."

"Don't be."

There was an awkward moment of silence, then Jack glanced down at his bloodied shirt and trousers. "I'm going to go clean up. Good night, Ianto."

"Good night, Jack."

Ianto turned and left without another word or a look back. Jack went into his office, but watched until the cog door closed. Then he slumped into his chair and covered his face. Any other night, and he and Ianto would be cleaning up together. Jack would be tending to Ianto's arm, and they would reassure one another that they were both alive with passionate lovemaking—sometimes quick and hard, sometimes slow and deliberate, yet always comforting, even as they skirted around deeper feelings.

As he fell into his tiny bed alone for the third night in a row, Jack tried not to think about Ianto, or about how he'd not been there with Jack for the first time in months. And yet the sense of loss that had been growing within him all weekend was overwhelming, because Ianto had not only lost his memories of Jack, he had abandoned Jack completely back in the park.

Like the Doctor.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story really does a number on Jack, I know. I can see something like this hitting him harder than anyone might expect, though. I did say this would be about Jack, as I wanted to explore his character more than we sometimes see. Someday I should try to explore what he does with a stretch of happiness. I wonder if he'd even know what to do! Thanks for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

Sunday night was the hardest night yet. The brief conversation about Jack's time away had brought back difficult memories, and the idea of Ianto not remembering Jack sharing those memories with him made things even worse. It truly felt as if there was nothing between them anymore. Jack had tried to believe that Ianto would remember; if not, he'd held out some hope, encouraged by Tosh and Owen, that he might be able to begin a new relationship with Ianto.

But now Jack had his doubts. He had told Ianto about his time with the Master months ago, had worked through it and settled back into as normal a life as he could knowing the truth about his immortality and the year that never was. Ianto did not remember any of that, though, and Jack found the loss almost crippling. He had trusted Ianto, shared his experience with only Ianto. He wasn't sure if he wanted to go through that again, if he even could, or if Ianto would accept him as he once had. Yet what if something happened, and Jack needed to talk about it? Who would help him now?

Ianto didn't remember, and even worse—Ianto had abandoned him. He had left Jack to die on his own, to wake up on his own, in the dark and cold. Yes, he'd also saved Jack from an even worse fate at the hands of that Weevil, and he had helped Jack to privacy, given him his coat, and cleaned up the dead bodies. But he had not been there when Jack had awoken, and that hurt more than anything.

He couldn't stop thinking about the day he'd woken on the game station to find himself surrounded by dead bodies; of the TARDIS hurling away from him; or about the year he'd spent dying and reviving with the Master. It was if he'd been replacing those memories with thoughts of Ianto being there for him, and now that Ianto was no longer that sane, good part of his life, all the bad was rushing back in. When he dozed off, Jack had nightmares; as he laid awake in bed, he relived each one. And through it all, he felt a terrible and familiar sense of loss and abandonment crushing him. Ianto had lost a lifetime of memories; Jack had lost Ianto, and the thought of trying to get him back was overwhelming.

When Ianto came in that morning, it was with breakfast and coffee. He brought Jack's favorite pastry up to his office—at least Ianto hadn't forgotten his favorite food, even if he had forgotten everything else about them—and stopped in the doorway in surprise.

"Do you feel well, sir?" he asked.

Jack put his feet down and sat up straight; he'd almost dozed off again at his desk, he was so tired from his restless night. "I'm fine," he said. "Didn't sleep much."

Ianto set down a plate of blueberry muffins and takeaway cup of coffee. "Late night again?" he asked.

Jack felt immediately defensive; had he been less tired and upset, he probably would have made a joke about it to deflect. "Not in the way you're thinking," he replied, his tone curt. He took a sip of his coffee and thanked Ianto, hoping he sounded less annoyed.

Ianto nodded in acknowledgement, then paused a moment before continuing. "So even though we're together, you don't… go out… " He cleared his throat. "Owen seemed to think you did, anyway." He sounded both curious and something else. Relieved?

"You mean, go out on the pull?" Jack finished for him. "I told you last night—not since I came back. I am capable of commitment, despite what everyone thinks."

Ianto looked taken aback at first, then thoughtful. He motioned at the chair next to Jack's desk. Jack nodded, and Ianto sat down.

"I apologize for my assumption, but you do project a certain…rakish air," he said. "You walk around flirting with everyone and everything, telling stories no one could possibly relate to. It's little surprise we wonder."

Jack shrugged, hands cupped around his mug as if it could protect him. Ianto frowned.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked. "You seem…off."

"I wasn't lying," Jack replied. "I didn't sleep well, and I do need it after dying. I'm tired."

"I see." Ianto looked down at his hands. "Is there anything I can do?" Jack shook his head. Ianto stood up. "I'm sorry. I feel like if I had my memories, I might know what to do to help."

Jack set down his mug and scrubbed his face. "If you had your memories, none of this would be happening."

"I see." Ianto took a breath, and Jack could see him closing up, shutting Jack out. "I should get to work." He turned to leave Jack's office without another word, his shoulders tight, his right hand clenched in a fist. Jack hurried after him, knowing how badly he had misspoke.

"Ianto, wait!" he called, reaching out for Ianto's hand and catching his elbow instead. Ianto hissed with pain; Jack must have grabbed his injured arm. "I'm sorry, it's just been hard—"

Ianto shook him off and turned on him, his eyes flashing in anger as he stepped forward, forcing Jack back and away from him. "I know it's hard, Jack. I'm the one who doesn't remember anything—remember?" The bitter sarcasm hit deep, but Jack deserved it.

"I know," he said softly. "And you're dealing with it much better than I am. I apologize."

"I have no choice," Ianto snapped, his voice rising as his hands waved about in agitation. "I'd love to have a good breakdown, but I still have a job to do. Which not only includes trying to fix my memory, but apparently means taking care of you in ways I don't even remember!"

"You don't have to take care of me," Jack said. "I'm sorry I said that. I feel awful, knowing you don't remember anything about—well, about your relationships."

"But mostly about you," Ianto pointed out bitterly. "And I understand how it must be hard, but I don't know how long I can keep talking you off the ledge when I'm still standing up there staring down into the abyss myself. I hate that there is nothing I can do to remember my life, Jack, but feeling like I have to remember so you can get shagged again only makes it worse!"

Jack stepped back again, both hurt and angry. "That's not why…that's not all it is…Ianto." He blew out a long breath to stop himself from saying something he'd regret, good or bad. "You're right. I'm making it worse. I'll back off, get a better grip on things. Owen's going to talk to that doctor today, maybe that will help with some answers." Or maybe Jack needed a therapist to talk him through losing Ianto, even though Ianto was still right before him.

Ianto ran a hand through his hair. "Thank you. If you'll excuse me, my head is still bothering me and Owen said he'd look at my arm." He turned and left the office, still stiff. Jack watched him walk toward Owen's desk and then down to the autopsy bay together. Jack felt terrible. He hadn't slept, but his brain wasn't trying to literally process two different sets of memories. It was a wonder Ianto was even upright when his head was hurting him so much, on top of the emotional frustration of a relationship he didn't remember with Jack.

Owen came to see him ten minutes later. Thankfully he seemed unaware of Jack's argument with Ianto and did not berate him for agitating the Welshman.

"I'm meeting with Dr. Howell in an hour," he said without introduction. "He specializes in traumatic brain injury, probably the top neuropsychiatrist in Wales."

"Tosh and Ianto don't have traumatic brain injuries," Jack pointed out.

"Not in the classic sense of a car accident or military injury," Owen replied. "But their brains were mucked about and they've lost function. If anyone can understand those scans and find a way to get around what's gone wrong, maybe he can."

"Tell me about him," Jack said, curious about Owen's confidence. The doctor rattled off a list of impressive qualifications, ending with one last surprise. "He's former military, and I'm pretty sure he worked with UNIT," he said. "So if he has the right security clearance, I may be able to go into more detail about our case."

Jack sat up straighter. "UNIT? Did you tell him you were Torchwood?"

"Not at first," Owen replied. "But he sussed it out. He seemed surprised I was calling him."

"How do you know he worked with UNIT then? Did he tell you?"

"Not exactly," Owen admitted. "He said 'You've probably called the only psychiatrist between here and London with the security clearance to assist. And if you're with Torchwood, you must really need help.' Since he's not in any of our personnel files but knows we don't all play nice, I'm thinking he's UNIT."

"Or some other group," Jack murmured. Howell could be former Forge, Wonderland, or some other group even Jack wasn't familiar with. "Watch what you say. Tosh and Ianto prefer discretion."

"I know," Owen grumbled as he turned to leave. "That's why she's coming with me."

"Doesn't trust you?" Jack asked, almost amused.

"Maybe," Owen admitted. "But I think she wants to do something besides stare at her computer. And if he can help, she'll be right there for him to get started."

"Make sure you trust him," Jack said. "Don't let him do anything that doesn't sound right."

"I've been reading his stuff for the last twenty-four hours," Owen said. "I'll do this right. I want to get them back too." He paused before turning around. "Since you're way too pathetic with teaboy not making eyes at you anymore."

Jack didn't have a chance to reply before the doctor left. He went back to his desk and pulled up everything he could on Benjamin Howell, and was well into reading through it all when a Weevil call came in. He wanted to take Ianto, but knew the other man needed a break and would be better off coordinating. Though his chases with Gwen were not as enjoyable, at least he didn't die, and they returned relatively quickly, as well as unscathed. Gwen started to write it up while Jack went back to reading about the doctor who might be able to help his team.

Less than twenty minutes later, Gwen burst into his office, Ianto right behind her and both of them looking agitated.

"What's up, kids?" he asked, tossing aside the file he was reading. "Found something?"

Gwen exchanged a look with Ianto. "I've been monitoring all our regular channels—police, hospital, social media…" She trailed off, as if she were unable to tell him what she'd found.

"And there's been an incident," Ianto finished for her. "Or several, at University Hospital and St. David's."

"Weevils?" Jack asked, jumping to his feet and grabbing his revolver. "Space bugs? More duck monsters?"

"No," said Ianto, looking exceptionally serious. "Amnesia."

* * *

"They were all at the same park where we found the first device," Gwen said quietly in the lobby of University Hospital, where they were regrouping after an hour of speaking to seven patients and their families. "And they all have the same symptoms."

"Headaches, some severe, and no memories of their husbands, wives, boyfriends or girlfriends," Ianto finished. "Just like me and Tosh."

"It can't be a coincidence," Jack said. "They must have been affected at the same time."

"They weren't at the park on Friday," Gwen said. "But they were all there early this morning."

Jack looked at them in surprise. "Today? But we've had the device since Friday! That means—"

"There's another one," Ianto said. "And it didn't come through the Rift this weekend, because we didn't get another alert for the park. It must have been there on Friday, but we assumed there was only the one, boxed it, and came back to the Hub."

"So we need to get out there fast." Jack chewed on his thumb. They were suddenly stretched too thin. "Gwen, we'll drop you at the other hospital to see if they were at the park today as well, or if we're really screwed because something else is going on. Ianto, let's go check out the park."

They both nodded, no questions asked, and headed out to the car. They were quiet on the drive to the hospital, where Gwen jumped out and ran into the building without a look back. Jack continued to the park. Ianto stared out the window.

"We'll figure it out," Jack finally told him, the silence growing oppressive, particularly after their exchange earlier that morning. "We can stop it, whatever's happening."

Ianto looked at him in surprise. "We don't even know what's happening, Jack. What if there's more of these, in other parts of the city? What do we do then? Keep tracking amnesia cases?"

"If there's more devices, we'll find them," Jack told them. "We will fix this, Ianto. I promise."

Ianto sighed and rubbed his face. "The thing is, I can't help but want there to be another," he admitted. "Not because more people will lose their memory, but maybe another device could help us—could fix me and Tosh."

On any other day, Jack might have reached over and taken Ianto's hand, but he knew that would not be received well. To be honest, he hadn't even considered the possibility of a second device helping them; his first thought was stopping whatever was happening. Of course Ianto would see things differently and latch on to the one hope he had, that a second device might bring back his memories.

He nodded and continued driving. "Good point," he said. "Let's hope it's in one piece."

Ianto let his head fall against the window. "That we should be so lucky," he murmured. "Though even if it was still active, could we figure out how it worked? How to reverse the memory loss?"

"I don't know," Jack admitted. "But if there's a working device in that park, Tosh will figure it out. You know she can do anything."

Ianto smiled and sat up straighter. "Yes, she can."

Jack pulled up to the pavement. Ianto grabbed a scanner and Jack grabbed a containment box, and they headed into the park, searching for a small miracle.

* * *

Two hours and one unexpected Hoix dropping out of the sky later, and their hopes were dashed.

"It's as dead as the first one," Tosh announced as they sat around the conference room table going over everyone's reports. "Another lump of metal I can't get a single reading on. My guess is that whatever happened to the one we found on Friday happened to this one as well."

"But two days later," Jack pointed out. "Why did the first one go off on Friday and this one waited?"

Tosh shrugged, clearly frustrated. "I don't know. Maybe they were damaged coming through the Rift, but the first one was damaged more than the second one? Maybe a dog walked by and pissed on it this morning? I have no frame of reference considering I don't even know what they are or how they work!"

Gwen reached out and patted Tosh's arm. "It's okay, Tosh. We'll figure this out. Were you able to get any information from it at all?"

As Tosh answered, Jack glanced at Ianto, staring at his hands on the table. He seemed to sense Jack watching him and straightened, offering a small nod. He was clearly disappointed, but he was moving on. Jack wished more than anything that he could offer comfort.

"How did your meeting with Dr. Howell go?" Jack asked when the girls were done. Ianto glanced up in surprise.

"Dr. Howell?" he said. "Benjamin Howell?"

Owen looked curious. "Yeah, that's him. Tosh and I went and saw him today. How do you know him?"

Ianto frowned. "I don't, but I know of him. He consulted with Torchwood One not long before I joined. Yvonne threw him off the project."

"Why?" Owen asked. "He not lick her boots like the rest of her sycophants?"

"Something like that," Ianto murmured. He did not offer more, and Jack frowned.

"Ianto, if there's a reason to doubt this man—whom we've already brought in on the case—speak up now. I don't want to regret contacting him."

Ianto sighed. "I don't think you will, sir. Owen wasn't far off—Yvonne didn't like him because he didn't agree with her. She brought him in to consult on a project, but he expressed concern about the safety of the agents involved. He said it was too dangerous, and they'd most likely end up in a coma."

Owen huffed. "Let me guess—she went ahead with it anyway and they all ended up in a coma?"

Ianto nodded. "The project was a disastrous failure, and one agent eventually died from his injuries. She retconned Dr. Howell so he wouldn't remember and report it." He shrugged when Gwen exclaimed in surprise. "She could be overenthusiastic with her projects, ignoring expert advice when they weren't her experts. And she loved her Retcon," he finished bitterly.

"So he spoke up and got burned for it?" Jack asked. Ianto nodded. "Did you ever meet him?"

"I didn't, no. But my impression from his files and what others said was that he was intelligent, articulate, and honest. Not someone Yvonne wanted questioning her and expressing doubts."

"He's the real deal, Jack," Owen said, nodding in agreement. "He knows what he's talking about, especially when it comes to our sort of weird."

Jack leaned back. "So what did he say about our sort of weird?"

Owen glanced at Tosh, who motioned for him to answer. "Not much that I didn't—that the memories are almost certainly still there, but that this device somehow identified them and sectioned them off, forcing the mind around them. And since memories are interconnected, the brain makes up new connections to get around the sectioned off parts, and fills in what's missing with new memories."

"Did he say anything about restoring the original memories?" Ianto asked impatiently. "Can he fix it?"

"He thinks the best thing to do is to slowly work step by step back toward the blocked memories."

"With hypnosis?" Ianto sounded reluctant.

"It wasn't that bad," Tosh said, earning a look of surprise from everyone at the table. "Yes, I started. I was there and I think he knows what he's doing. It may be our only chance."

"And did it help?" Jack asked. "Did you remember anything?"

She shook her head. "No, not yet. But I feel…I don't know. I feel like I can. I feel hopeful." She turned to Ianto. "He said he'd see you whenever you're ready."

"When are you going back?" he asked.

"Tomorrow, assuming nothing comes up. There's nothing major predicted, but it has been busy lately."

"Like the Hoix that practically fell on the bonnet of the SUV while we were driving back," Jack pointed out.

"The Rift predictor doesn't predict Weevils either," Owen added.

"Which are certainly taking up more time than usual," Jack said. "Weevils and the Rift will have to take priority, otherwise you're both free to see him as much as possible. Because you're not the only ones affected, and if it works for you, we can recommend a course of treatment for the others."

"Yeah, what went down in the park?" Owen asked. "How many more people have lost their memories?"

"A dozen that we know of," Gwen answered, pulling out her notes. "We spoke to seven at University Hospital and I met with another five at St. David's. They were all at the park this morning, and each one has forgotten all their past partners, as well as their current ones."

"Damn strange," Owen murmured. "And not good. Are we sure there's not more devices at the park?"

"We did a complete scan and found nothing else," Ianto said. "Only the second burned out sphere. The problem is that we don't know if any others came through the Rift that day and landed somewhere else."

Tosh frowned. "The only other Rift alert on Friday was in Splott."

"Can you double check?" asked Jack. "Make sure there weren't any smaller spikes that we could have missed chasing after that one?"

"I will, but I don't think we'll find anything." She sounded both skeptical and slightly annoyed that her work was being questioned. "I'll go over Saturday and Sunday as well."

"Thanks, Tosh," Jack said. He placed his hands on the table, ready to dismiss the meeting. "All right, let's get back to work. Gwen, keep an eye on the hospitals for any more cases and let us know."

"Jack, what about calling Martha?" she asked. "If this is spreading, we need as much help as we can get."

Jack tried not to grimace as he nodded. Gwen was probably right, and Jack knew he needed to set aside his own sense of pride to help his team. "Owen, are you okay with me calling Martha in on this?"

"Fine with me," the doctor replied with a shrug. "We're doing all we can here, but if she's got some extra alien input, I'll take it." He paused. "Besides, you're the boss, you don't have to ask, and if you do, you should probably ask them." He jerked his thumb toward Tosh and Ianto.

"I liked Martha," Tosh said, and Ianto nodded in agreement. Jack was relieved, because in spite of being the boss, he felt like he was treading new territory here in reaching out and wanted to be careful. He didn't want an ornery doctor or an offended technician, not when so much was going on. And he wanted to be especially careful of Ianto's feelings.

"All right, I'll call her. Here's to a quiet afternoon."

"There is such a thing?" Ianto asked as he stood. "I didn't think those existed around here."

"No more Weevils," Gwen groaned. "I swear, they're going to run us into the ground."

Which gave Jack an idea. "Owen, can you look into the Weevil issue?" he asked. "See if something's going around, stirring them up? Ianto thought maybe it was the full moon."

"I'll ask the next one I meet!" Owen called over his shoulder as he walked away. The others rolled their eyes as they left the conference room. Jack touched Ianto on the shoulder and motioned him to wait back.

"Yes, sir?" Ianto asked, though not as formally as he had been three days ago. That was something, at least.

"Are you okay with seeing Dr. Howell?" Jack asked. There was no point in talking around it. He had sensed that Ianto was reluctant and wanted to know why.

Ianto hesitated before answering with a shrug. "I'm not a fan of head doctors, but if Tosh sees some progress, then I'll consider it. I'd rather hear from Martha before I let someone poke around inside my mind."

Jack grinned and they started walking upstairs together. "It's only talking, you know. No one actually pokes you."

"I know," Ianto replied. "But the way they talk feels too manipulative. I don't like being manipulated. I want my thoughts and feelings to come from me, not from someone else."

"Hypnosis is a way of delving into your own subconscious," Jack pointed out. "With guidance."

"My subconscious is not something I care to explore much," Ianto muttered. "But I understand how it could help. I'd just prefer to see some results before I commit."

"Understood," Jack said, though he was slightly disappointed that Ianto wasn't doing everything he could to get his memories back. Then again, Jack wouldn't want the other man to compromise his feelings, so it was probably better that he came to it on his own. "I appreciate you considering it."

Ianto stopped walking, and Jack stopped a step ahead before turning back. "Jack," he started. "It's not that I don't want to remember. I do, but I don't like therapists. It's not my thing, talking about myself."

Jack smiled and touched his shoulder. "I said I understand, and I do. It wouldn't be my first choice, either. We'll do everything else we can, but if he's able to help Tosh, I hope you'll try it."

"I will. Thank you."

They continued up to the Hub in silence. A part of Jack hoped that Dr. Howell was able to help Tosh, but another part of him hated to see Ianto go through something he was so clearly uncomfortable with. Hopefully Martha Jones would know something, anything, that could help them—as well as the other twelve people who had also lost their memories.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was inevitable that Ianto would snap, and honestly I'm surprised it wasn't worse. Next stop – time to call Martha Jones!


	9. Chapter 9

Sitting back in his chair with his feet on his desk, Jack thought about what he was going to say. Most people assumed he was impulsive to the point of being dangerous, blurting out whatever thoughts he had at the moment. When it came to flirting, that was often true, though he had enough of a filter to usually avoid getting smacked. When it was important, when it mattered, Jack could be thoughtful. And he knew that he needed to be careful speaking to Martha, because he wanted to be considerate of Ianto's feelings—and Jack didn't want Martha asking him too many questions either.

He dialed her direct number at UNIT, as he both wanted to get it over with and wanted to get Tosh and Ianto help without involving anyone else. After several rings, she picked up.

"Jack!" she exclaimed. "How are you?"

He smiled, instantly feeling better just hearing her voice. He hadn't spent much time with Martha Jones, but she was one of the smartest and fiercest people he knew. If anyone outside the Hub could help, it would be Martha. Her travels with the Doctor, her year walking the earth, and her work with UNIT made her uniquely qualified to deal with anything from alien viruses to the end of the world. Jack liked her and trusted her and hoped more than anything that she would have some sort of insight into their problem.

"I'm doing well," Jack answered, and they chatted for several minutes about inconsequential things like Gwen's wedding, the holidays, and Martha's boyfriend. Things weren't going as smoothly as last time he'd seen her, but she seemed reluctant to talk about it.

"I'm still trying to work it out in my own head," she replied. "Thanks for asking, though. So, what's really going on, since I suspect this isn't a social call?"

"How do you know that?" Jack asked. "Maybe I wanted to hear your voice."

"You called me directly at work," she pointed out. "I'm guessing you don't want to officially involve UNIT, but need something to do with them?"

"You're too smart," Jack laughed. "Yes, it's a Torchwood issue, but no, not one for UNIT. I'm looking for … I don't know, advice. Insight. Ideas. You have more experience than half of UNIT combined, so I'm hoping maybe it's something you've seen or heard of."

"Oh, it's a Doctor thing," she said.

"No, not exactly," Jack said. "But maybe–you traveled the galaxy with him, after all. Been there, done that."

"And left it all behind," she said. "I came back, like you did. So what do you think I might have seen or heard of?"

He took a deep breath and told her about the device the others had found in the park on Friday and how it had affected Tosh and Ianto, though he did not tell her about their specific memory loss. He told her about the second device and the twelve people also suffering memory loss. And he told her everything they'd done to try and help, from their tests and records searches to Owen's meeting with Benjamin Howell. She listened quietly, occasionally asking questions, but otherwise letting him talk. When he was finished, she took a moment before speaking.

"I haven't come across anything like what you're describing with UNIT," she said, sounding reluctant to admit it. "Either the device itself or the memory loss. But somehow it sounds familiar."

She went silent again, as if thinking, and Jack had to prompt her. "Did you maybe read about it somewhere? Or hear about it?"

"No, I don't know where I would have read about it…" Jack could almost picture her pacing, phone to her ear as she wracked her own memories for any references. "I think maybe…yes, that's it…the Doctor once made an offhand comment about something similar. Oh, maybe this will help you!" She started to sound excited.

"Well, stop teasing me, let me have it," Jack told her, putting his feet down, grabbing a sheet of paper and a pen, and tucking the phone under his ear. "I'm taking notes."

"Right, we were at some space station in the Gamma cluster, and the Doctor was telling me about all the alien species in the room. He pointed to one behind the bar and said that they made the best barkeeps and the best psychotherapists in the galaxy. They were from Datiris, I remember that."

"Okay, I've heard of them," Jack said. "Not had much contact with them, bit out of my time, but what makes you think it's connected?"

"Well, I made a comment about them being good barkeeps and therapists because they could probably listen and sympathize with whomever they were talking to. And he went on in that way he has, prattling about a dozen different things, but one thing sticks out. He said they were good therapists not only because they could listen, but because they could take away bad memories with the flick of a switch."

"So can I," Jack pointed out. "It's called Retcon."

"I suggested that maybe people shouldn't have bad memories taken away, and he agreed, said he wouldn't part with his, and he had hundreds of years' worth of bad memories. He told me that it was a form of therapy on Datiris, that the memories weren't erased, but temporarily blocked. After the patient worked through their issues without the emotional interference attached to the memories, they could assimilate the memories back in and reprocess them from a more objective viewpoint. It sounded a bit strange, to be honest."

Jack was writing furiously, his heart beating faster with excitement. "But it sounds like exactly what we're looking for! Owen said the memories are still there, but being blocked. Ianto suggested that very thing, that maybe it was a therapy device for treatment. Brilliant – both of you!"

"I knew he was clever," Martha laughed. "So maybe what you found was an Datiran device that's blocked their memories. But Jack, what kind of memories were lost? If it's a therapeutic device, there are probably different settings for different memories and trauma."

Jack hesitated; he didn't want to tell her too much at the risk of embarrassing Tosh and Ianto. On the other hand, he knew they both liked and trusted Martha, and both of them supported him calling her for any help she could offer. If he were honest, he was more worried about her reaction to him than her reaction to Tosh and Ianto.

"The memories they've lost…" He took a breath and pushed on. "They don't remember any of their past relationships. All the people affected have forgotten their spouses, their partners, their lovers—anyone they've had a relationship with. They're not even aware of it, but everyone around them is."

"Oh no," Martha said, sounding shocked. "Why would someone create a device that does such a thing? That's horrible!"

"If it's for therapy, it makes sense. Take away the memories of a bad relationship, talk through the issues, then work them back in to process them better. The problem is that it took the memories of  _all_ of their relationships, and both devices are completely ruined. We have no way to bring back those memories."

"You said that Owen found a doctor," Martha pointed out. "I recognize the name, he worked with UNIT before I joined. Did he have any suggestions?"

"Hypnosis," Jack told her. "But not everyone wants to undergo intensive hypnosis sessions." He didn't tell her Ianto hated the idea of someone in his head, since that was volunteering too much information.

"If the memories are being blocked, then hypnosis might be able to recover them," Martha said, though she sounded unsure. "Difficult memories from childhood or other traumatic events are often repressed and discovered under hypnosis. Has Ianto tried it yet?"

"Tosh did, but not Ianto," Jack said, leaving it at that. He could almost hear Martha smile.

"He doesn't seem like the type who'd want to see a psychiatrist."

"Got it in one," Jack laughed. "But he will. He wants to beat this."

"Jack…" Martha hesitated. "If Ianto has lost all his relationship memories, does that mean he's forgotten about…well, about you and him?"

Jack nodded even though she couldn't see him, then blew out a breath in frustration. "Yes, he's forgotten. He has no memory of anything between us since I got back—or before that. He was pretty surprised, actually."

"Oh Jack," she said, and there was the pity he had been dreading. Yes, Jack felt terrible, but Ianto was the one who had forgotten so much of his past. That was what mattered, not Jack's disappointment over sleeping alone.

"It's fine," he told her before she could say anything else. "I'm keeping my distance since he was more than a little shocked by it."

"I'm so sorry," she said. "I can't imagine how difficult this must be for both of you."

"I'm okay," he told her. "I'm not the one who lost my memory."

"But he's forgotten you," she said. "It must be so hard, working with someone you're dating but doesn't remember ever dating you."

Jack didn't answer. What could he say? It was awful and he hated it, but wasn't that selfish? To be upset because he couldn't touch and kiss and flirt with Ianto on the job? Because he had to eat and sleep alone? He still remembered their time together, after all. Ianto had forgotten everything they'd ever done—their first kiss, their first date, New Year's Eve. At least Jack had his memories, which is all he ever would have in the end. He should be grateful.

"Jack," Martha said, drawing him out of his gloom. "You'll get through this, and he'll remember everything you've been through together, the good and the bad. And you can take him out and celebrate and—"

"Martha, it's not like that," Jack started, but she interrupted.

"Yes, yes, Ianto called it dabbling. But it was pretty clear from my time there that it was more, and that was three months ago! I saw how you looked at him, Jack—and I saw how he looked at you, especially after Owen died. He cares about you, and that's still in there. You'll get it back."

"How?" Jack said, ignoring everything else she'd said and giving in to his despair for a moment. "We've done everything we can think of."

"Well, you have a lead now," she replied. "And we happen to know someone who knows even more about these things—and could quite possibly get us one of these devices."

"I know we do, but he's not going to rush to the rescue for something like this," Jack said. "The Doctor saves planets, not people."

"Oh, I think he saves people," Martha said. "He prefers the big picture, yes, and he can make the tough calls when it comes to sacrifice, but the small losses hit him as hard as the big ones. I could call him if you want."

"Gwen suggested it, too," Jack admitted. "Thought we needed to go higher up. Let me look into this Datiran connection first."

"It's just a phone call," she said. "Maybe he knows something else that would help."

"And maybe not," Jack said. He decided to voice his biggest reservation, something he might have confessed to Ianto, but Ianto did not remember their closeness, and so Jack had no one to talk to. "Look, I appreciate the offer, but I want to try and get this on my own first. What if he says no? He already abandoned me once, even if it was a hundred and forty years ago. It's not something I want to experience again."

"You think if you ask him for help, he'll reject you?" Martha asked.

"I think he knows things we don't know," Jack hedged. "That there are usually reasons for why he does the things he does. That this might not be a big enough reason to come charging in with the TARDIS."

"I suppose you have a point," Martha admitted. "But I also think you're selling yourself short. He'd do almost anything for you, Jack. He was disappointed when you wanted to come back to Earth instead of travel. You know that."

"Maybe," Jack said. "We parted on good terms, but I guess this thing with Tosh and Ianto has me rattled. Brought back some uncomfortable memories."

"You mean Ianto," she said, understanding immediately. "He didn't reject you, Jack. He didn't leave you behind. You are still there, in his mind, in his heart. I don't think Ianto would ever do what the Doctor did."

"That's one reason this is so hard," Jack said quietly. He turned away from the window and closed his eyes. "I know it's different, yet it feels so similar. I've spent a lot of my life going through this and it gets old after a while. So hold off on calling the Doctor."

"What are you going to do instead?" she asked.

"I'm going to put my team on it, to start—we have a name, we can do another search. I'll head down to the Silos later today and see if they've heard of it, or know anything that might help."

"What's the Silos again?" she asked. "And should we be keeping an eye on it?"

"We've got it covered," Jack said, smiling at her professional curiosity. "It's a Cardiff thing, and we don't need UNIT blundering in, thank you very much."

"But what is it again?" she pressed.

"Alien goods warehouse," Jack told her. "Totally underground, only the local refugee population uses it, and we keep a close eye on it."

"I hope you find something then," she said. "Call me if you don't and you decide to contact the Doctor."

"I will," Jack promised. "But we're going to do our damnedest to figure this out on our own first. Any chance you might come by and help out?"

She sighed. "Sorry, Jack, but I'm heading to New York tomorrow. Interview for a new project."

"Sounds intriguing," he said. "As long as you're not running away from whatever is or isn't going on with Tom."

"I'm not," she said. "I wasn't even going to take the interview, but they need a medical doctor, and he thinks it would be a great opportunity."

"Good luck," Jack told her, meaning it. "Fill me in when you can."

"Good luck to you," she returned. "And keep me updated. I'll try to see if I can find anything on my end about Datiran technology, but I doubt it. I'm glad I remembered a passing reference from over a year ago!"

"You've been a big help," Jack told her. "And it was good to talk to you. Thank you."

"Hang in there, Jack," she said. "Give Ianto my best and remember, he still cares about you. You'll figure this out."

"Thanks," he said, and after a few more promises to stay in touch, he hung up. He felt both better and worse—worse because Martha had picked up on his insecurities almost immediately, and he hated feeling vulnerable. Yet he felt better because now he had a lead: if the device was Datiran, they could search for specific references to it in the database, and he could take it back out to his contacts on the streets and at the Silos. It would be a miracle if they had one, but perhaps they would know how to secure one, or someone might know how it worked. Of course, it was not only technology from another planet, but almost certainly tech from out of their time, so it would be much harder. Not for the first time, Jack wished his wrist strap still worked. If he could time travel, he could pick one up and be back for dinner.

But he couldn't time travel, he couldn't even teleport. So he settled for the next best thing: a visit to the Silos, Cardiff's answer to Trap Street. Founded as an underground marketplace for alien and exotic goods, it had grown into a sort of refugee resettlement community, where most of the off-world population of Wales came to meet, trade goods and stories, and offer mutual support.

Now that he had a name, Jack hoped the Silos could, at the very least, point him toward a solution—if not a working device to bring back Tosh and Ianto's memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may have mentioned the Silos in other stories, and I developed it more (and Aran as well) in an abandoned opening to a story called Shadows. So it's real, and at least Aran gets to make his debut here. And if that other story ever goes anywhere, don't be surprised to see some of the background for the Silos appear again! Dr. Howell also appeared in another story, and the references to New Year's Eve are about a story I wrote several years ago as well. Thanks for reading!


	10. Chapter 10

Over the years, Torchwood had taken a variety of views on the Silos: leave it alone and ignore it, ruthlessly shut it down, use it for their own ends. Being from off world himself, Jack always felt comfortable there and enjoyed it. For decades, it had offered him a glimpse of what he was missing amongst the stars, stranded on earth as he had waited for the Doctor: alien food and drink, advanced technology, exotic species. He could have left the planet with any number of visitors, but he'd always told them he was waiting for someone. He had always remained behind.

He'd kept a good relationship with the Silos through all of Torchwood's ups and downs, and when he'd taken over, he'd left them alone, with the only stipulation being that he would check up on them once a month to make sure there was nothing dangerous for the inhabitants of Cardiff. He'd developed enough trust and good will with those involved that Aran Ford, the unofficial manager of the Silos, did not protest, and would often share information with Jack; Jack in turn was careful about his visits, only confiscated what was dangerous, and tried to help the alien community whenever possible.

Aran owed Jack for not only leaving them alone, but also for helping him when he'd first arrived. Aran had come to Cardiff through the Rift over two decades ago, and Jack had helped him adjust so that he could live a relatively normal life among Cardiff's small alien population. He was older now, with salt and pepper colored hair and a few wrinkles around his eyes, and dressed like a gentleman from an earlier time: suit trousers with a sweater vest over a shirt and tie. He appeared kind and gentle, which was usually true, but he could also be ruthless and determined when it came to his business and his adopted people. Jack liked and respected him.

Strolling out into the Hub, Jack watched his team for a moment. Owen was back in a book—more neurobiology, or perhaps psychiatry. Tosh was typing away at her computer, though Jack wasn't sure what she was working on this time. Ianto was sitting on the sofa with Gwen, talking quietly as they sipped coffee. A number of files were spread out before them, but again—Jack wasn't sure what they were studying. Everyone was working hard, yet given how busy they'd been, Jack was half surprised someone wasn't falling asleep at their desk.

This was his team, and he cared about them more than he had cared about anyone at Torchwood for a long time. How many times had he almost lost them now? Too many. And Owen—Owen  _had_  died, and Jack had brought him back. But what would he do when the body on the table was Tosh, or Gwen, or—god forbid—Ianto? Bad enough Ianto didn't remember him; Jack wasn't sure what he would do if he lost Ianto for good.

Setting aside morbid thoughts, Jack forced a smile and called out into the Hub. "I've got a lead, anyone interested?"

Gwen and Ianto stopped and looked up, Tosh whirled around in her chair, and Owen took the pen from his mouth. "Depends on what it is?"

"I talked to Martha," Jack told them. "She once heard of something similar to what this device has done—something that could selectively block memories so that the user could process them separately and then reintegrate them when they were ready."

"Psychotherapy," Ianto said. "Like we talked about."

"It's Datiran technology, so we at least know what to search for. Which means we can do some more digging, and I'm heading to the Silos to see if they might have any information."

"You mean, like another device?" Gwen asked. "Why didn't we think of the Silos earlier?"

"I did," Jack pointed out. "I was there Saturday night. They didn't have anything then, and I doubt they'll have anything now, but we have a name, so we can put it out there and see if anyone has other information or access to Datiran technology."

"I'll want to talk to Martha before we use anything," Owen warned. "To be sure we're not making things worse."

"Of course," Jack said. "If we find something, you can call her. She's heading to New York so she can't join us, but she said she'd look into it on her end. So—anyone want to take a trip to the Silos?"

No one answered.

Everyone on the team had been there, and everyone except Gwen enjoyed their visits. Tosh and Owen liked to keep their eyes open for new and interesting technology they could use at the Hub, while Ianto usually talked with Aran Ford and several other alien regulars. Gwen, however, had struggled to find her footing. Despite her penchant for wanting to help even the most disagreeable aliens, she seemed uncomfortable with the idea of an entire alien underground operating with such loose oversight. Or maybe it was because her first visit had gone rather badly.

"Tosh? Owen?" Jack asked. "We can see if they have anything new to play with in the tech department. Last time you found something fun."

"It liquefied my favorite scalpel," Owen grumbled. "And I'm reading up on something, so I'll pass."

Tosh was apologetic. "I'm sorry, Jack, but I'm in the middle of running a new algorithm, trying to pull together all the recent Rift activity to see if there are any connections."

Jack turned toward the other two. "Ianto? We might find something, or Aran might know something helpful."

"Or he might unintentionally pick my brain," Ianto murmured. Aran Ford was an empath, which usually didn't bother Ianto; Aran was respectful of people's privacy. Though the Welshman found the alien fascinating with his insights into others, Ianto was clearly uncomfortable with being the subject that day. "Which I'm not interested in since all he'll sense is confusion surrounding a black hole of uncertainty. Take Gwen, she loves it there."

Jack grinned at her, knowing Ianto was teasing. "Guess it's a date then," he said. Gwen stood up and grumbled.

"Some date, being the last choice. And I like the Silos perfectly well," she told Ianto. Owen glanced up and laughed.

"Last time you went you were in a strop for the rest of the day," he said. "Something about wanting to shut them down for illegal alcohol."

"She was also hung over," Ianto pointed out. "Besides, it's not illegal since it's not in any legal code on the planet."

"Right," Owen drawled. "I meant alien alcohol."

"If you'd tried it, you would have been appalled, too," Gwen said. "It was vile and disgusting and just one drink is stronger than three down at the pub."

Jack wagged his eyebrows. "I think it's great!"

"I like it," Ianto said with a casual shrug.

"Me too," added Tosh.

"Just stay away from the bar this time," Owen told her. Gwen tossed her hands in the air.

"Fine, I'll go," she said, then turned back to Ianto. "If you don't need me?"

"I'll be fine," he said. "Only a few more files."

"What are you working on?" Jack asked curiously. "I thought we'd already gone through the files, records, and archives six times over."

"Different project," Ianto replied. "Tosh has us reading up on all our recent visitors to see if there's a connection there as well."

Jack glanced back at Tosh with a worried frown. "You really think something's going on?"

Tosh seemed uncertain. "I think it's worth examining. Rift activity is above average, with a higher than usual number of aliens, not to mention all the Weevil sightings. Besides, I can't do anything with these damn devices, so I may as well try to figure out something useful." She sounded both sheepish and frustrated by the end, though she stopped short of apologizing.

"Find anything yet?" Jack asked.

"Maybe," Ianto replied. "Still working on it, though. Might have something soon."

Jack nodded, wondering if there was something to their unusually busy schedule over the last several days, or if they were normal fluctuations in space and time. Sometimes the Rift was simply like that: it kept them off their feet for a week, and then didn't chirp for a month. Jack wasn't sure which he preferred, but he definitely did not want to worry about the Rift and the Weevils when he was busy trying to help Tosh, Ianto, and a dozen other civilians.

"Keep on doing what you're doing, then. Owen, any ideas about the Weevils?"

"Not one," the doctor answered without looking up.

"Work on it, Owen. We'll be back with our own report soon." He headed out with Gwen, half wishing he were with Ianto, but knowing that was because he felt their lack of closeness so keenly. It was not unusual for the team to pair up on different assignments, but Jack had already been out with Gwen several times over the weekend, and knew that at any moment she would start questioning him. Because that's what she always did.

It started out innocent enough when Gwen asked about Martha—how she was doing in London, how was her boyfriend, what was she going to New York for? As she had several times since Martha had first come to Torchwood, Gwen asked about how he had met her, and he told her what he'd told her before, that they'd met while traveling with the Doctor. But she knew now that he'd been gone far longer than he'd let on, and continued to ask questions until Jack put her off.

"Gwen, it's not something I want to talk about. It was a long year, but it's over, and I'm back. When will you accept that and stop prying?"

She did not reply immediately. "Did you talk to Ianto about it?" she asked, trying to sound curious and failing.

"That's none of your business either," he said, too weary to snap at her. "And he doesn't remember if I did or not. Where are you going with this?"

She huffed a little. "If you wanted to talk, Jack, I'm here to listen."

He tried not to roll his eyes. Maybe she was being honest and caring, like he knew she could, but sometimes he sensed an ulterior motive in her attempts to be closer. Most of the time it was easy to set aside and ignore, but every so often Gwen's possessiveness reared its head and wore him out.

"Thanks," he said, even though he wanted to tell her to leave him alone. "But I'm okay. Are you doing all right with all this?"

"What?" she glanced at him in surprise, which was exactly what he had been hoping for, to throw her off guard and change the subject.

"Tosh and Ianto," he said. "We're all worried."

"Of course," she said. "But I'm fine. I'm not the one who lost my memory."

He nodded and concentrated on the road, hoping that was the end of it.

"Do you think we'll find anything at the Silos?" she asked after a few blocks.

"No," Jack admitted. "When I was there, I didn't see anything. So unless they've somehow come across a third device in the last thirty-six hours, I doubt it. I'm just hoping Aran might know something about the device, or how we can get another."

"Does he know stuff like that?"

"He's the smartest alien crime lord in Cardiff," Jack told her, then laughed at the expression on her face. "I'm kidding, he's not a crime lord. But he is the de facto leader of the alien underground, and he's exceptionally intelligent and clever. If there's something like this out there, if there's any Datiran technology in Cardiff, he'll know."

Jack pulled the SUV into a parking space not far from the small storefront that masqueraded as the entrance to the Silos. They left the car and entered the building, offering the Torchwood password to the dull-eyed man sitting at the counter. He didn't even blink as he opened a secret passage for them that led down a dark set of stairs.

The Silos themselves were two circular rooms deep underground. One held a variety of unusual items from earth; behind it, by invitation only, was the room where all kinds of off-world goods were available for the right amount of money. It was usually simple stuff, like books and art and clothing, with the occasional weapons or recreational drugs that Torchwood usually confiscated. There were booths spaced along the walls for special requests and private conversation, with tables of goods interspersed throughout; in the center of the room, a man from 2898 served up futuristic versions of contemporary drinks at a small bar, with a few alien cocktails thrown in for the more adventurous customers.

A quick scan around the first room told them there was little of interest; they were admitted to the second room without question. Aran Ford noticed him almost immediately and waved them over to the bar.

"Jack!" Aran said as they shook hands. He had six fingers and double eyelids, the only outward signs of his off-world origins, and was dressed in his typical tie with a blue sweater vest. He frowned, obviously sensing some of Jack's disquiet, but Jack shook his head, and Aran turned to Gwen. "Ms. Cooper," he said, inclining his head. "Can I get you something to drink? Draconian brandy, perhaps?" Jack was sure the alien's eyes were twinkling. Gwen seemed torn between being annoyed and playing along; fortunately, she got over it and smiled as she shook her head.

"No thank you," she said. "I learned my lesson last time."

Aran laughed as he stood and led them toward an empty booth, where it was quiet; the place was only half full, but it was a Monday afternoon, and Jack knew it would be busy later that night. As soon as they sat down, two small glasses appeared almost immediately, with a bottle of water for Gwen. She laughed and finally relaxed.

"Thank you," she said. Aran held up his glass, filled with an electric blue liquid, and took a sip. Jack followed, enjoying the rare taste of Draconian brandy. It was potent, though, and his sip was small.

"All right Jack, what's wrong? I heard you were here the other night." Aran appeared concerned, and Jack knew he could trust the other man.

"And you weren't," Jack replied. "Hot date?"

Aran shook his head and chuckled. "Not exactly. I was settling a new friend from London. I'll have to introduce you once they're not terrified of you and your reputation. Paxon said you were looking for something, but didn't find what you were searching for."

"I know more now," Jack said. "I think it's Datiran technology. A small black sphere, possibly used as a medical device. Have you seen or heard anything about Datiran technology recently?"

Aran sat back, nodding slowly. "I haven't seen any Datiran tech come through in years, but I'm starting to understand why you're so upset. It can be dangerous" Jack bristled at being read again, and Aran touched his arm. "Jack, it's pouring off you—both of you. I could put up all my shields and still sense it. You're scared, worried, angry. Something's happened, and it has to do with this device."

"Yes," Jack said. "Do you know what it might be? Do you know anything about Datiran technology?"

"As a matter of fact, I do know what it is," Aran said, and Jack felt a soaring of hope. "The device you described is a Datiran transmutable memory device, or a TMD. It's from just before my time, mid to late 36th century."

"And it blocks selected memories before reintroducing them back in?" Jack asked.

"It started out as a memory wipe used by criminals on Datiris, but was quickly appropriated for the medical field. It was used for memory transmutation therapy—block a negative memory, process the objective reality surrounding it, then reprocess the memory to alter the emotions surrounding it. Have you found one?"

"We found two of them," Gwen told him, joining the conversation. "One on Friday, one this morning. In a park."

Aran gazed back and forth between them, clearly reading them. Jack rolled his eyes. "Stop it."

"Sorry," the alien murmured. "But it's taken someone's memory, hasn't it? And you're trying to figure out how to get it back." He took another sip of his drink, waiting for their answer.

Gwen glanced at Jack for confirmation. "Fourteen people were affected by it," she said.

"Including two of my own," Jack added.

"Oh no," Aran said. "That's what I sense, isn't it? Mr. Jones has been affected. I'm quite sorry Jack. I know how you feel about him."

"Yes, well," Jack said, wondering how Aran had known it was Ianto—and how he could possibly know anything about Jack's feelings for the Welshman since he rarely acknowledged them himself. He could feel Gwen giving him a curious look. "He's lost his memory, along with several others. We haven't found any more devices, and we've searched our records a dozen times for one, or anything remotely similar. But Torchwood's never come across it, so we don't know what we're dealing with. Can you tell us anything else about them?"

"Nothing that I haven't already told you," Aran said, sounding regretful. "I heard about them before I was lost, but I never saw or used one. I'm not sure how well they worked as I don't think they were around for long, and I have no idea how they would affect humans of this time. And I can't recall ever seeing one here at the Silos."

"So you have no idea how they work?" Gwen asked. He shook his head.

"Only what they do. What about Ms. Sato? She's quite brilliant at what she does, you know."

"She'd be thrilled you said that," Jack replied. "She's spent the entire weekend working on it, but the Rift damaged them too much. They're completely dead, which is why we could use another, or some other Datiran tech. Or even suggestions on how to bring back the memories another way, maybe with some other tech."

Aran was quiet for a moment, gazing steadily at Jack. He turned unexpectedly to Gwen. "Ms. Cooper, would you mind excusing us for a moment? I'd like to speak to Jack privately if you don't mind."

She seemed surprised, but stood up and nodded. "Of course," she said. "I'll walk around, see if there's anything interesting for Tosh and Owen."

"Thank you," he said, and watched her leave before leaning closer to Jack and lowering his voice. "Jack, I can tell you're exceptionally concerned, what aren't you telling me?"

"Toshiko lost her memories as well," Jack told him.

"But they are otherwise uninjured?"

"They're confused, upset, but all right. Dealing with it."

"And you?" Aran asked.

"I'm doing everything I can to help," Jack said. "To find another device, to learn about it, anything."

Aran leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. "I know you and Mr. Jones are close," he said. "It was fairly obvious last time you were here together. Is that why it's affected you so strongly?"

"I don't like my people walking around with a chunk of their lives missing!" Jack exclaimed. "They've forgotten large parts of their lives, and their brains are making things up to fill the holes."

"What don't they remember? If I may ask."

Jack took a deep sip of his brandy. He set it down, played with a napkin on the table before glancing up and meeting Aran's eyes. "They've forgotten their past relationships, all of them."

"I see," Aran murmured. "Jack, I am very sorry. I can only imagine how difficult this must be."

"For Tosh and Ianto and twelve others, yes. It is."

"I can sense how upset you are," Aran said. "Memory loss affects others involved as well, especially when they're the ones who have been forgotten. It's okay to be angry, to be scared."

"I don't want them to go through the rest of their lives with a hole in their past," Jack said. "I know what that's like." He was close to his breaking point, tired of people asking him about it, offering sympathy when he wasn't the one affected. Not like Ianto. He didn't want someone to offer cliché platitudes, he wanted someone to help. He sat back and took a deep breath. "Can you think of any way we can help them?"

"I'm not aware of other technologies that could reverse what this one has done. If the device itself cannot fix what's happened, I suspect all you can do is consult with a health care professional experienced in memory loss."

"We're already on it. Tosh saw him this morning."

"Good," Aran said. "Who did she see?"

Jack raised an eyebrow, wondering how much Aran knew about the health care community in Cardiff. "Benjamin Howell, former UNIT. Know him?"

"I've heard of him, yes," Aran said. "I hope he can help. Maybe you should talk to him, too."

"I don't need hypnosis," Jack told him.

"But you do need to talk about it," Aran said. "Your feelings, your concern."

"I'm fine."

"You're not," he insisted.

"Stop it!" Jack hissed. "What do you want me to say? That I'm terrified for them, for Ianto? That he'll never get his memory back, that he'll never remember anything about me, about us? And that I might lose him because of it? I'm not ready for that—I'm not going to lose him. I'm going to fix this, whether you help me or not!" Jack sat back with a frustrated sigh.

"Feel better?" Aran asked with a half-smile.

"Not really," Jack grumbled.

"Don't keep it bottled up, Jack, or you'll only feel worse," Aran said. "Have you talked to Ianto about this?"

"About what?" asked Jack. "About his memory? Of course I have. I had to tell him we were…well, about us, and he didn't take it well. Talk about a kick in the pants," he added under his breath. Aran sighed sadly.

"I see. You're worried that he'll not only fail to remember his relationship with you, but that he may not be interested in trying again."

Jack was silent. Of course that was what he was afraid of. Aran continued.

"I believe Mr. Jones cares for you a great deal," he said. "And if he did once, he will again."

"But he's different now!" Jack burst out. "There's no context—he doesn't remember anything from the beginning, when we first met. And he doesn't remember what it was like when I came back. I told him everything, and now…now…"  _It's over_ , he finished in his mind, though he knew it was his anxiety talking.

"You're not alone, Jack," Aran told him. "You have your team, and many people around the city who care about you and would help you. You have no reason to despair."

Jack closed his eyes as he shook his head. "I'm immortal, Aran," he said. "I despair every day."

Aran sighed and touched his hand. "I know. I'm sorry for your pain, Jack. If I see or hear anything about Datiran tech, I'll call you. But please let me know if there is anything else I can do." Jack nodded wordlessly, and Aran waved at Gwen to join them. "Find anything, Ms. Cooper?"

"Not today," she said. "Though Paxon said you've had a lot come through the past few days."

"He's right, the Rift has been busy. Have you noticed?"

She nodded. "Tosh is looking into it."

"The Weevils are growing agitated," he said. "My experience tells me something will happen soon."

"With the Rift?" Jack asked sharply. "It's been active, but we don't have anything big on the radar."

"It may be still building," Aran said. "It starts small, the Weevils begin act out, and then it explodes. You may be about to get even busier."

Jack rolled his neck with a sigh. "A major Rift event is the last thing we need right now."

"And yet somehow Torchwood always muddles through." Aran smiled. "As you will this time."

"I hope so." Jack stood and offered his hand. "Thank you, Aran. It's always good to see you."

"Come back anytime, Jack. For whatever you need." Aran walked them out, chatting about various topics, including the alien he'd recently helped settle in Cardiff. They got into the SUV and started back toward the Hub. Gwen was curiously quiet.

"You all right?" Jack asked, hoping he wouldn't regret it if she decided to unload some sort of personal problem on him. "Or did you sneak some of that brandy after all?"

She gave him a small smile, shaking her head. "Of course not. And I'm fine." She gazed out the window for a moment, then turned back to him. "I'm sorry about Ianto, Jack. I can't imagine what I'd do if Rhys forgot all about me and all we've been through."

"Yes, we'll that's completely different, isn't it?" he replied. "And I'm okay. We need to focus on helping Tosh and Ianto."

"We're doing everything we can," she said. "And we'll keep doing everything we can until they're better." She smiled. "Until Ianto remembers you."

"Thanks, Gwen."

Of course Jack would do whatever he had to do to help Ianto regain his memories. The only problem was he didn't have any more options.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll probably see Aran Ford again in another story someday as I rather like him and the haven the Silos offers Jack. As for Gwen, she drank her brandy too fast on her last visit and hasn't been back. Didn't think she was one to hold a grudge, but I suspect it was more embarrassment. Thank you for reading!


	11. Chapter 11

By dinner time they were running down more Weevils. Gwen went out to Roath with Ianto, while Jack and Owen chased two more back into the sewers in Butetown. Two more calls came in before they met back at the Hub, uninjured but exhausted. It was half nine and when Jack sent them home, no one argued, not even Owen. Jack cleaned up, went down to his bunk, and didn't fall asleep for three hours as he turned it all over in his mind—the memory loss, his conversations with Martha and Aran, the Rift, the Weevils. He was starting to agree with Tosh, that it was all somehow connected. Unfortunately, their work on finding that connection had been interrupted.

The next day started quiet, giving Tosh time to work on the unusual number of Rift alerts. Her algorithm connected all the recent Rift activity and predicted a busy week. Ianto's research seemed to indicate that an unusually large number of aliens that had come through or were acting up were thought to be time sensitive. Aran had talked about something building with the Rift, and Jack wondered if the Weevils in particular sensed it. He was not looking forward to whatever might be coming.

Tosh's prediction was proven true when the alarm went off and they spent the rest of the day identifying, tracking, capturing, and sedating a Jagaroth who had somehow landed in Splott (always Splott) and decided to make a profit. Able to disguise themselves, the alien evaded them for hours as it zeroed in on Cardiff's criminal community and moved in. Tosh did some of her best work tracking it through the city cameras, following it through every disguise.

When they finally corned it in a dingy underground bar that night, it escaped into the alley—where Jack and Owen were waiting with tranquilizer guns. Unsure what to do with the sentient but extremely dangerous alien, Jack called Aran, who suggested it be sent back home on the first ship heading out of the solar system. Jack wasn't careful dragging the unconscious creature back to the SUV, and thanked Aran profusely for taking it off their hands. He did not have any more information to share, but promised to keep listening.

It was another night of sleeping alone in the dark and cold. Jack almost chided himself for hating it so much, but knowing he was alone because Ianto had lost all memory of him still hurt. He wondered if perhaps Aran was right and he needed to talk to Dr. Howell himself. Tosh had been unable to see him thanks to the long Jagaroth chase, but was planning to see him on Wednesday to continue the hard work of recovering what she had lost. Maybe Jack should go. But if Tosh remembered her past, then perhaps Ianto and the twelve other innocent people affected could as well, and Jack wouldn't need to talk to anyone about his own issues.

Wednesday was surprisingly quiet, with only one call for Weevils and a quick stop in the Wetlands to pick up some more space junk the Rift seemed to think belonged there. Tosh worked with Dr. Howell again and said it went well, while Gwen talked to some of the other amnesia victims to see if any had regained their memories. None had.

Ianto spent the day cleaning, filing, and dealing with all the other minutiae that had been overlooked for the past several days. His headache still bothered him, and he said it was a good chance for him to take it easy in the Hub before the Rift started acting up again. Jack tried not to check up on him all the time, and had to force himself not to ask Ianto about seeing Dr. Howell. The Welshman had already expressed his reservations and said he would go if it proved helpful to Tosh. Jack knew he needed to demonstrate the patience he had promised.

The problem was that it was becoming harder and harder. He alternated between wanting to grab Ianto and snog him senseless, declaring feelings he couldn't quite put words to anyway in some grand romantic gesture to win Ianto back, and wondering if it would be better to distance himself and start accepting that it was over between them. Only then he'd glance up and see Ianto focused on something on his computer, or Ianto would bring him something to sign, and Jack knew he did not want to give up.

He climbed into bed that night feeling alone and resigned, wondering what the next day would bring and if either of their lives would go back to normal.

* * *

Things started to unravel on Thursday. Tosh went to Dr. Howell again, but was called back early when two Gargans, large reptilian creatures, splashed into the river. They strode out and attacked an older woman walking their dogs with her husband, who had stopped only a few paces behind to clean up after their pets. He somehow survived unscathed, but he had seen it all and was in complete shock, one of the worst cases Jack had seen.

He chased down the aliens with Gwen and Ianto while Owen did what he could for the man and his wife and Tosh started working on the cover-up. It did not take them long and neither Jack nor Ianto hesitated to shoot when the Gargans turned on them and charged. Gwen didn't appear happy—even after all she had seen, she still preferred to subdue and capture the rogue aliens who found themselves in Cardiff, even when they were violent—but Ianto snapped at her to leave it alone before she could even start. He was exceptionally on edge, and left Jack and Gwen to clean up the bodies while he hurried back to the park.

It turned out that he knew the couple. They lived down the street from his old flat in Radyr. He wasn't close with them, but knew them by name and had talked with them enough to know they were retired, with two dogs and grandchildren in Caerphily. He sat with the man as Jack and Gwen finished searching the area for any more aliens or witnesses, then walked the man home and stayed with him until family arrived. When he returned, he was tense and closed off, and retreated immediately to the archives to write his report in solitude.

Jack gave him some time before he went down to check on him, taking a cup of tea because he was better at making tea than coffee and wanted to offer something. He would have gone sooner if Ianto had remembered their relationship, but suspected it was better to wait rather than risk making the other man uncomfortable. When he entered the archives, they were dark, aside from a single light in a far corner, where Ianto was sitting on the floor, surrounded by files.

Jack approached slowly, making enough noise that Ianto would not be startled. He glanced up, his face unreadable, and barely nodded at Jack before returning to whatever it was he was working on. Jack wasn't sure what to say, how to start. He set the tea next to Ianto, waited, then sat down on the floor nearby.

"I brought you something warm to drink," he said, indicating the cup. "Since it's an icebox down here."

"Thank you," Ianto said, glancing at the cup with a small smile. "I appreciate it."

"What are you looking at?" Jack asked as unobtrusively as he could. His eyes skimmed over the files, but could not make out much. Ianto did not answer right away, and Jack frowned, wondering if he was being deliberately ignored. "Is everything all right?"

"I'm fine," Ianto told him, then closed the folder he was holding with a sigh. "I'm just sick of this."

Jack wasn't sure what he meant, and waited again before asking. "Sick of what? Aliens? Death? Torchwood?"

"It's all one and the same, isn't it?" Before Jack could reply, he waved it away. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

"On days like today, it's true. What's bothering you about today that's different than other days?"

Ianto stared at his hands for a long moment, then glanced up and met Jack's eyes. "Is this something we do often, talk like this? Because it keeps happening and it feels both strange and normal."

Jack leaned back against the wall. "When it's about a case, I talk with everyone. As for us…yes, we talk more. We're still working on it, though," he added with a smile. "If something about this case is bothering you, I can listen, try to help. But if you're uncomfortable, maybe you and Tosh could go out, pick up some food…" He left it hanging, knowing Ianto was close to Tosh, but hoping Ianto would talk to him.

"I don't want to bother her," Ianto said, shaking his head. "She's trying to get her memory back too, after all.

"What are you reading?" Jack asked. He made a motion toward the files, asking for permission, and Ianto nodded. He took a sip of tea as Jack picked up a folder. It was a file for Lisa Hallett.

"I wanted to know more about her," Ianto said quietly. "About me," he said, holding up another, thicker folder. "And about you." He pointed to a large pile of folders. "But it's only files, notes and random sick days, pay stubs and injury claims…nothing important, just a record of the job."

Jack flipped through Ianto's folder, nodding as he went, recognizing most of it. "What made you want to pull these up today? I thought maybe you were upset about what happened in Radyr."

"Oh, I am," Ianto said. He stretched his legs out in front of him and leaned his head against the wall, staring up in the darkness. "That's why I'm here. Huw was so devastated…I've retconned dozens of people, helped them forget the terrible things they've seen, but this was the first time I didn't want to. He begged me to help him forget what he saw, and I did, but Jack…I took his memory, when I'm trying to get back mine."

He blew out a long breath. "I've forgotten so much, yet I want to remember. Huw, however, wanted to forget. Do you see what I'm saying? He  _wanted_  to forget. I  _want_  to remember. How is it right, that we have this power over memory?"

Jack nodded as he started to understand. "So you came down here to try to jog your memory, to remember."

"I wrote my report first," Ianto replied. "And then I pulled the files. But even after everything you've told me, everything I read in my diary, everything in these files…I still don't remember. He wanted to forget, but I don't. How is that fair?"

"It's not," Jack said. "Almost nothing about Torchwood is fair. And it's a terrible price to pay, doing what we do. I'd understand if you wanted to walk away." As soon as he said it, he knew it would be received poorly. Ianto gave him a scathing look to go with his bitter words.

"I don't want to walk away, Jack. I want to remember what my life was like a week ago."

"It wasn't that different," Jack replied with a shrug. "Long hours chasing aliens, too much coffee…"

"And a past I no longer have," Ianto said. "A relationship I'm no longer a part of."

Jack didn't know what to say. That last statement tugged at his heart, that Ianto considered himself to be no longer a part of their relationship. But it was the truth, and even after a week, it still hurt. And worse was knowing how much Ianto was suffering.

"We'll keep working on the first," Jack said, then forced a smile. "And as for the second, someday I'll ask you out again, and hopefully you'll say yes, and eventually we'll get back to where we were last week."

"Trying interesting new things down in your room?" Ianto suggested.

"You remember?" Jack asked in surprise, optimism filling his chest.

"I remember you saying it," Ianto replied with a shrug. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize," Jack told him. "This isn't about me, it's about you and Tosh getting your memory back."

"Have you ever tried to get back your memories? The ones you said were taken from you?"

Jack tried not to cringe. He rarely talked about his own memory loss, though he had told Ianto about it in the past, as well as several days earlier. It was not something he thought about anymore, having set it behind him decades ago.

"They were erased, not blocked," he said. "And unlike most science fiction movies, they're not being stored in a vial somewhere for me to stick back in my head."

"How is that possible?" Ianto asked.

"It happened in the 51st century," Jack told him. "In my original timeline."

"Advanced tech?"

"So advanced I didn't even know it existed." Jack didn't bother hiding the bitterness in his voice. "Like I said the other night, I didn't have any files, or CCTV, or a diary to check, and I couldn't talk to anyone about it."

"Why not? Wouldn't someone who knew you have been able to help?"

"The people who erased my memory got to them as well," Jack told him.

"They erased all your friends and family's' memories?" Ianto sounded both incredulous and shocked.

"Not exactly," Jack said. "It was two years that they took. I worked for the Time Agency, and they placed every agent who had had contact with me during that time under a sort of…well, like a geas, I suppose. They couldn't talk to me about it without suffering great pain, and if they tried to push through it, they'd end up with an aneurism."

"Jesus," Ianto breathed. "That's awful. So you have no idea why they did it?"

"Not really."

"Do ever you wonder if it was trauma? That something terrible happened and you were better off without those memories, like Huw?"

Jack shook his head. "No, I think they were covering something up. Something I knew, or something I did. It took me a long time to let go of the guilt, and there's still some there, in the back of my mind—what could I have done that was so terrible it had to be wiped from existence? But I remember enough about the Time Agency to know whatever it might have been, they played an even bigger part in it. And since it's in the future, I don't have to worry about it yet, do I?" He offered a crooked grin, which Ianto returned.

"Time travel?"

"Time travel. It's a bitch."

Ianto was silent for a moment. He reached for the tea again and cupped his hands around it. "Are you really going to live forever?" he asked quietly.

"As far as I know." Seven months later and Jack tried not to think about it, because when he did, he still felt panic and despair.

"If you live until the 51st century, couldn't you change things? So that you don't lose your memory?" he asked, then shook his head. "Except if you change your past, you're changing your future as well and that would create a paradox. So when you catch up to your past self…"

"I'll have to make sure I'm on the other side of the galaxy," Jack finished for him. "The temptation to change history can be hard to resist."

"I just want to remember my past, not change it," Ianto murmured.

"You will," Jack said. "Maybe not tonight, but you will. Are you hungry? Gwen had a taste for chicken curry."

"Sounds good," Ianto replied. "Want me to call the Spicy Mango?"

"We'll get it—your usual?" Ianto nodded and Jack stood. "Did you want to come up and wait, or should we call you?"

Ianto picked up a folder. "I want to keep working until it arrives. You're next."

Jack snorted. "It's not as exciting as you may think. And heavily redacted."

"It's something," Ianto replied with a shrug. "It might be fun to fill in the missing words. Bit like a crossword."

"Have fun then. I'll call when the food is here."

"Thank you for the tea," Ianto told him.

"You're welcome." Jack hesitated. "Ianto, if there's anything you want to know, anything that's not in there…all you have to do is ask." The thought made his heart race, but he trusted Ianto. He'd told him so much already, he could tell him again.

"Will you answer?" Ianto asked dryly.

"I already have," Jack replied, because he had made such an effort to be more open and honest with Ianto. "And I will again."

Ianto was surprised. "Thank you." Jack nodded and started to leave.

"Make sure you take me up on it," he called over his shoulder. "Before I clam up like I usually do!"

"As long as it doesn't involve stories about sex with aliens, I might!" Ianto shouted back. Jack smiled. It was a light moment in an otherwise dark day, but he would take what he could.

* * *

Another retrieval took him and Tosh out after dinner, which gave Jack a chance to check up on his favorite tech specialist. Optimistic about recovering her memory, she was doing surprisingly well. She seemed more concerned about Ianto and his relationship with Jack than her own struggles.

"I don't know what I'm missing," she said on the drive back. "Ianto does. He sees you every day, and it's not hard to see how difficult it is for you both."

"I'm not trying to pressure him or anything," Jack said, his first reaction one of defense.

"I didn't say you were!" Tosh exclaimed. "And I know you wouldn't. You've already declared your intentions. I trust you, and I think Ianto does as well. Besides, if you did something to hurt him, you'd have to answer to us."

Jack laughed. "I'm glad you're watching out for each other. But you don't have to worry about me doing the wrong thing."

"I know," she said. "But I do worry about  _how_  you're doing. Don't lose hope, Jack. You'll get him back."

"You make it sound like he's mine."

Tosh glanced out the window before replying. "It's pretty clear how much you miss him, Jack. You two kept your cards close, but every so often there would be a look, a touch, a smile. The way he reacts when you die…the way you react when he's hurt, or even threatened." She turned back and smiled at him. "And the way you tuck it all away when someone is watching and deny everything. It's quite the television drama. You'd make lovely romantic leads on  _EastEnders_."

Jack laughed with her. As they pulled into the car park by the Hub, he admitted something he wouldn't admit to anyone else. "I miss him, Tosh," he said. "It's strange, because I know one day I'll be alone again. But I never expected it so soon. I wasn't ready."

"We're never ready for something like this, Jack," she offered soothingly.

"I feel lost," Jack continued. "Unsure. For some crazy reason, he believes in me, and with him, I feel like I actually know what I'm doing—why I'm here, what I can be. Now…I'm not so sure. I can't even get your memories back. And without his memory, how could he ever be interested in anything between us again?"

"He will," she said, sounding confident. Jack parked the SUV and turned to her.

"Why, did he say anything?"

"No, but I believe it. I can see it in his eyes, even if he can't remember." She patted his arm. "You will both be okay, because you're too good together to be apart."

Jack gave her a skeptical look. "I don't know about that, Tosh," he said. He keyed in the code to enter the Hub. "A good therapist might see us as more dysfunctional than anything."

"Well, not in Torchwood!" she laughed. "For Torchwood, it works."

He thanked her with a kiss at her temple, and they continued up to the main part of the Hub, where they found the others sitting quietly on the sofa, Gwen and Ianto half asleep. Jack sent everyone home and went to bed feeling somewhat better than he had for the last several nights. When it came to Torchwood and everything it threw at them, Jack and Ianto were good together. And if they had figured it once, then maybe they could again.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bit about the geas preventing anyone from talking to Jack about his lost years was also in my story Haunted, but I can't remember if it was my idea or if I picked it up from Big Finish. Thank you for reading!


	12. Chapter 12

Ianto spent the next morning visiting Huw Evans. When he returned, Jack turned him around before he even had a chance to take off his coat and took him out for an early lunch. He looked sad and upset, and though he didn't talk much, Jack tried to make up for it by keeping the conversation going about other things, hoping to distract the Welshman. As they walked back into the tourist office, Ianto turned and thanked him for lunch.

"You're welcome," Jack said. "I hope…well, I hope it took your mind off things for a while."

He nodded. "It did. I know we don't usually keep tabs on people, but I hope it's okay if attend the funeral next week. And I'd like to check in on Huw every once in a while."

"Of course," Jack said. "You knew him, however casually. That's fine with me." He couldn't help but place his hand on Ianto's shoulder. "You're a good man for wanting to help."

Ianto met his eyes, then shrugged and let them into the office. "I remember how hard it was for my gran when my grandfather died. And Huw…with the Retcon…" He trailed off, the unsaid words clear.

"You know it's safe," Jack said. "It's different than what's happened to you. He doesn't know that he's forgotten what actually happened, so his brain isn't fighting him. He remembers it, but he remembers it differently."

"I know," Ianto sighed. "But I want to watch out for him anyway." They took the lift downstairs, where Gwen and Tosh were sitting on the sofa talking with Owen as the girls ate sandwiches they'd picked up on their own.

"Oh look, they decided to join us," Owen drawled.

"I'll gladly turn around and leave, if you prefer," Ianto said, and he stopped in the middle of taking off his coat to raise a questioning eyebrow.

"Hell no, we need coffee," Owen replied, to which everyone turned and stared at him. "What, I still like the way it smells."

"We're fine, Ianto," Gwen said, raising a take-away cup. "But I wouldn't say no to a pick-me-up later."

"Naturally." He took off his coat and walked toward his station to hang it up. Jack threw his over an empty chair and slouched on top of it.

"We miss anything?" he asked.

"Sandwiches," Tosh laughed. "Otherwise it's been unusually quiet since you left."

"That's because I take the excitement with me," Jack replied.

"Good riddance," mumbled Owen, and everyone laughed.

"How's Mr. Evans doing?" asked Tosh when Ianto joined them. He shrugged.

"As well as can be expected," he said. "He's lost his wife of forty years. The good news is he doesn't remember that she was attacked by aliens, and he has a strong, supportive family. I think he'll be okay."

"Good," said Tosh. "That was nice of you to check on him."

"How did your appointment go with Dr. Howell?" Jack asked.

Tosh set down her sandwich and took a sip of her drink. "It was good. No major progress, but I'm not giving up hope. He said he'd see you anytime, Ianto."

Ianto nodded, but before he could answer, the phone in the Hub rang, startling them all. He jumped up to answer before anyone else, his face relaxing into a smile almost immediately. Turning away from the others, he spoke quietly so that they couldn't hear him, but there couldn't be many people calling on the Hub line that would make him smile like that. He talked for a short while before hanging up and joining them, still looking pleased.

"That was Martha Jones," he announced, sitting down next to Tosh. "She called to tell us that she did not find any information on our memory device."

"I figured she wouldn't," Jack said. "Since you already went through their files."

Ianto agreed and continued. "She asked about you, Tosh, and I told her we were doing all right. No change. She thought working with Dr. Howell was still our best option."

"You're awfully chipper for just having had bad news," Owen pointed out to Ianto. "No new leads, and another person telling you to see the shrink."

"It was good to talk to her," Ianto replied. not rising to the doctor's obvious bait. "She's one of the most optimistic people I've ever met, I think. And like her and Tosh, I'm not giving up hope."

He patted her knee, and Owen made a gagging noise that made them all laugh. They talked for several more minutes before heading off to their stations to go back to work. Knowing Ianto was still hopeful left Jack feeling the same, and he went to his office with a smile on his face, ready for whatever happened next.

* * *

Rift alerts took them out several times during the afternoon, and Tosh sprained her wrist chasing after a Weevil that pushed her into a wall. When they finally trooped back into the Hub to find pizza waiting for them outside the tourist office thanks to Ianto's call from the car, Jack literally whooped for joy and grabbed a piece before Gwen snatched the boxes away.

"Wash your hands," she said. "And share."

"I'll share," Jack said. "One for me and one for the rest of you."

"Share downstairs," Ianto said. "Let Tosh sit down to eat."

"I'm fine," she said, but she was holding her left arm to her chest with a pained expression.

"It needs ice and wrapping," the doctor said. "And then rest. So for once, I agree with teaboy—eat downstairs."

Jack groaned good naturedly and turned toward the lift…which was when his wrist strap beeped. They all stopped and stared at it, too tired to move. No one spoke, and Jack didn't move. It was Owen who rolled his eyes at them.

"Don't be a baby, check it," he said. "If there's another call, I'll get Tosh settled and hop on the computer."

"I can coordinate while Owen helps Tosh," said Gwen, clearly jumping at the chance to stay behind. "We'll save some pizza for you."

Jack shook his head. "I don't believe that for a second." He checked his wrist strap, punched a few buttons, and glanced up with a grin. "Ianto, we're up. Looks like we have another warehouse alien to run down."

Ianto didn't move to follow. "I could coordinate, if Gwen wanted to go—"

"I'm fine," she said. "You two go ahead, have fun. Relive old times and bring us another pet."

Ianto was confused, but didn't argue. "The meat feast is ours then. Enjoy your vegetables." He took an entire pizza box from her and walked back out of the tourist office.

"Jack," Owen said quietly. "He probably doesn't remember catching Myfanwy, you know. Those memories are wrapped up with Lisa and currently on hold. Be careful."

"I know," said Jack. "We'll be fine. And who knows, maybe it will jog his memory."

"Just don't come back with another dinosaur," Owen grumbled. "Unless you teach it to shit outside."

Jack laughed and dashed out after Ianto, who was still carrying a pizza box. They walked back to the SUV in silence and Ianto let himself into the passenger side, where he promptly took a slice of pizza from the box, offered one to Jack, and then placed it in the back seat.

"What did Gwen mean, you two can relive old times? Was she referring to something I don't remember?"

"That depends," Jack said carefully. "Do you remember how we found Myfanwy?"

"She was flying around when I started at the Hub. You said you'd found her in a warehouse the night before."

Jack tried not to sigh. It was yet another memory Jack held dear, but that was lost to Ianto. "Actually, we caught her together. You didn't walk up to the tourist office and get a job. You asked me several times, and I kept saying no."

Ianto stared at him in surprise. "You said no? Why? And if you didn't want me here, why did you change your mind?"

"You were persistent." Jack glanced over and saw Ianto watching him with an expression that said he knew there was more. "We never really talked about it, but you clearly knew what you were doing when it came to working in Cardiff. You tracked me down in a park and helped me catch a Weevil. Dressed to kill, I might add."

"Meaning?"

"You looked like a rent boy—but you knew what a Weevil was. So I checked your records, saw you were Torchwood One. The next day you made me a cup of coffee—in an even better outfit, I might add—and asked me for a job. We argued some, but I said no. I didn't want anything to do with Torchwood One. That night you stepped in front of my car wearing a suit. A suit! And said you needed help catching a pterodactyl."

"It's not a pterodactyl, it's a—"

"Pteranodon, I know," Jack said. "You figured that out the next day. Anyway, you'd tracked it to a warehouse and tamed it with some chocolate. We worked together to capture it—you distracted it while I tried to tranquilize it."

"Tried?"

"It flew off when I jabbed it," Jack admitted. "And I forgot to let go. Took me for a ride and then dropped me right on top of you. When it fell, you rolled me out of the way, and then you were on top of me." He gazed at Ianto fondly. "Best job interview ever."

Ianto rolled his eyes. "So you hired me because—what? A sharp suit? Some groping on the floor?"

"You helped capture a dinosaur," Jack said. "You kept your cool, even with an extinct reptile about to land on us. You proved you could do it."

Ianto was quiet as he peered out of the window. "If that happened, how come I was confined to the Hub when I started? Why didn't you send me out in the field more, if I helped with a Weevil and a dinosaur?"

"You offered to be our administrator," Jack said. "You didn't express any interest in going out in the field, except for clean-up. And you seemed rattled—I assumed it was Canary Wharf, so I talked to Owen, and we didn't push it. And then we got used to you being in the Hub."

"Hiding my cyber girlfriend in the basement," Ianto finished bitterly. "This is why I wonder if I should bother remembering."

Jack tried not to let his worry show. "It's up to you, of course, but there will always be things like this, things you don't remember but other people do. It might get frustrating after a while."

"I'm already frustrated!" Ianto burst out unexpectedly. He apologized immediately. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean—"

"It's okay," Jack assured him, surprised at the rare outburst, particularly when Ianto had been so positive earlier in the day. Then again, it had to be a constant rollercoaster for him, learning new things about his past while trying to remain optimistic. It was a testament to his strength that Ianto wasn't more angry at times. "I understand. You can shout at me all you want."

"I'm not shouting at you," Ianto said after a moment. "It's not your fault, that you remember our first meeting and I don't." He sighed and leaned back. "And I know it's hard for you, too, I do. I'm just getting sick of this."

"I know," Jack said softly, turning toward Ianto. He reached out and squeezed Ianto's hand, ignoring the look of surprise on Ianto's face and making it quick. "I wish there was something else I could do."

"I don't know what else there is," Ianto said, laying his hands back in his lap and staring at them. "You've been quite supportive, all things considered."

"You mean, considering my reputation as a cold, uncaring boss?"

"That too," Ianto laughed quietly. "But thank you for understanding, for sharing the things I've forgotten."

Jack didn't reply, but the silence was comfortable, like it used to be. They arrived at the warehouse a few minutes later. Ianto took out a scanner and frowned. "It's showing multiple lifeforms. Not large, but…" He glanced up. "Airborne."

"Well, that's quite a coincidence, since we were just talking about catching a flying dinosaur," Jack said cheerfully. "How big, and how many?"

"Hard to tell from the scanner, but five or six, probably about the size of a goose."

"Perfect, we can put them with the monster ducks." Jack went to the back to get the net he'd stored in the boot after Ianto had complained about it during Myfanwy's capture. They also took a collapsible cage, some tranquilizer spray, and anything else they could think of.

"I feel like I'm about to step into a video game," Ianto mutter, eyes on the scanner. "They're everywhere." He held it up, and Jack could see the red dots moving around the screen, disappearing and reappearing. "Should we think about calling the others?"

"We can handle it," Jack said. "Could be interesting."

"I'm not rolling around on the dirty ground with you."

"Then you'll miss all the fun," Jack replied, and was glad to hear Ianto laugh once more as they approached the warehouse.

It took several tries before they were able to capture the creatures. The six large peacock-like birds tended to startle easily and instantly transported themselves to the other side of the warehouse with a puff of feathers. Jack had once seen something similar traveling the galaxy, and suspected he could neutralize their ability to blink out of existence with an audio signal from his wrist strap. After he found the right frequency, it was easy to neutralize them and get them into the cage. It was crowded, but they seemed uninjured.

"They're quite beautiful," Ianto pointed out as they lugged the cage to the SUV. "Although I have no idea how we'll take care of them if they keep disappearing all the time."

"We'll rig something that emits the right frequency to keep them from transporting," Jack said. "And we'll check around, see if anyone knows what they are and if anything else can be done."

"Sometimes I think we should start an alien animal sanctuary," Ianto said, sounding thoughtful. "We could put it on Flat Holm, and maybe some of the residents could help take care of them."

He paused. "Assuming they're safe and don't eat people."

Jack glanced at him in surprise. "You remember Flat Holm?"

"Why would I forget it?" Ianto asked. They climbed into the SUV, where Ianto turned around and leaned over into the back seat. "Cold pizza?"

"No thanks," Jack said as he started the car. "I suppose I thought that maybe you would have forgotten about Flat Holm."

"It's not tied to you, though, is it?" Ianto asked, his mouth half full. "I found out about it while you were gone."

"And you were really angry with me," Jack murmured, remembering that conversation with a cringe. He hadn't told Ianto that he'd left his name and number with the Flat Holm staff in case of an emergency. When they'd called with an emergency, Ianto had been caught completely off guard and left to figure it out on his own. He'd been furious at Jack, and it had been one of several confrontations they'd had following Jack's return.

"Of course I was mad," Ianto replied with a shrug. "You didn't tell me about it, and I had to figure it out on my own. I'm not sure what that has to do with us having a relationship."

The word relationship felt odd, but that's what it was, and Jack nodded in reluctant agreement. "Right. Look, do you want to stop for something else to eat? Instead of cold pizza?"

"We can't leave the blinkers in the boot," Ianto pointed out. "They might hear a car horn and end up in the middle of a symphony concert. We need to get them secured in the Hub for the night."

"Okay," Jack said. "Then back to work it is." He tried not to sound disappointed, but sensed Ianto watching him.

"I appreciate the offer," he said. He paused and gazed out the window. "I enjoyed lunch today, and dinner last weekend. Thank you for everything."

Jack grinned. "So there's hope then? For me?"  _For us?_  he thought.

Ianto glanced sideways with a small, warm smile. "It might be the pizza and a successful alien roundup talking, but yes. I'd say so."

Jack was sure he saw Ianto's hand twitch, as if he wanted to reach for Jack, but he didn't, and they both grinned again before turning forward for the ride back to the Hub. Jack felt that spark of excitement in his chest, though, that someday they would be together again. He would still do anything he could to get Ianto's memories back, but at least now he could look forward to making new ones together.

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

As they returned to the Hub, Tosh called to inform them that the Rift prediction program had produced a code red alert. After getting the blinkers into a cell and rigging a speaker to play the right frequency to keep them there, they met in the conference room with coffee to go over her report.

"The last time we had a code red was with Abaddon," she said. Her tone was serious, and no one said anything. "Whatever's coming through is big, and it's predicted for this weekend."

"When?" asked Jack. First things first: map out the timeline, then prepare to meet it.

"Sunday night," she said. "I can't be any more specific yet. It could be early, it could be midnight."

"And how big is big?" Owen asked. "Are we talking another space-time fracture? Roman soldiers, bubonic plague, and the like?"

Tosh shrugged helplessly. "I don't know, but I doubt it. The predicted readings don't match what happened last year."

"Could it be another time shift?" Ianto suggested. "Like with Tommy?"

"No, it doesn't match that either." Tosh was clearly frustrated. "It's unlike anything else I've seen. I only know it's going to be a big spike." She paused and met Jack's eyes. "Both positive and negative."

"What?" asked Gwen, sitting up straighter as Owen swore under his breath and Ianto's eyes slipped closed. "What does that mean?"

"A negative spike means the Rift takes something," Jack said. "So something comes through Sunday, and something leaves."

"It doesn't make sense," Tosh said. "We've never predicted a negative spike. But as it gets nearer, I should be able to pinpoint a time and location."

"Jack, what do we do?" Gwen asked, turning toward him with wide eyes. "We need to warn people, evacuate the city, call—"

"Call who? The prime minister? The police? The media? We don't know enough right now to start a mass panic."

"If there's a negative spike, we have to make sure no one is taken!"

"We can't evacuate the entire city, but we can evacuate the location," Ianto stepped in. "Once we have one, we'll do what we usually do and have the area cordoned off."

"What if it's not enough?" she demanded. "We can't let innocent people die if we know something's going to happen!"

"And we will do our best to stop that, Gwen," Jack said. "Once we know where and when it's going to happen."

"Should we let UNIT know?" Ianto asked quietly. "That way they can be prepared to assist if necessary?"

"Prepared for what, an invading army?" Owen asked, then sat up when he realized the reality of what he'd said. "Shit, what if it's an invading army?"

Everyone was staring at him in fear; Jack wanted to panic himself. He took a deep breath, because he couldn't. He was the leader, the one who had to show strength and confidence. Yet the reminder of Abbadon and the prediction of a negative spike made it hard to remain calm. "Okay, let's let the general know. Ianto, I will fully admit you're much better at talking to UNIT, can you call him?"

"Absolutely. How much do you want me to tell him?"

"As little as you can get away with. They know we know more than them when it comes to the Rift, so they should be willing to cooperate on our word. Make sure they do."

"Yes, sir," Ianto murmured.

"Even if it means we offer some motivation," Jack said. "Whatever you feel is necessary but safe."

"Of course. Can I send them the duck monsters?"

Jack chuckled. "No, we'll keep them for our animal sanctuary."

"What animal sanctuary?" Gwen asked, while Owen swore again.

"It's those bloody birds you brought back, isn't it?" he asked. "Teaboy wants to open a zoo."

"Of course I don't," Ianto said. "I have enough people and aliens to feed here."

"I thought it was a good idea," Jack murmured, earning a look of surprise from Ianto—and dismay.

"It's a bloody lot of work, is what it is," he said. "Hire me an assistant and I'll gladly take it on, but not until then."

Jack exchanged smiles with the girls and tried not to laugh. Ianto did have a point, though, in that any additional projects would certainly require more team members. They barely had enough team members to cover their regular running around at times like this.

"I'm kidding," he said. "For now. Let's concentrate on the Rift. Tosh, when will you know more?"

"It should start firming up sometime tomorrow," she said. "I can get a location, and hopefully a time."

"And what about tonight? Tomorrow morning? Any Rift activity?"

"There's nothing predicted until late afternoon," she said. "It's not definite, but I think it will be quiet for at least the next eight to twelve hours."

"Then take the night off," Jack said, raising a hand when everyone opened their mouth to protest. "I'm serious. Go home, eat, sleep, and get ready for a busy forty-eight hours after that. I want everyone back for lunch tomorrow so we can start planning for Sunday. No protests. Scram."

"Scram?" Owen said. "That's a new one."

"As long as it works," Jack replied with forced levity. "We need to be on top form if we've got a code red coming in. So go do what you need to do to be ready."

Gwen was halfway out the door to the conference room, with Owen following, but Tosh and Ianto seemed confused. Gwen would go home to her husband, and Owen would…well, do whatever he did. Tosh and Ianto were often the ones who stayed late, working on their own projects, and now they seemed lost, something Jack had noticed even more that week. He tried to be gentle.

"Go home, Tosh. Rest your hand, have a glass of wine, and watch that documentary you've been wanting to see for so long."

"How did you know about that?" she asked in surprise.

"You told me about it two months ago," he said with a smile. "It sounds interesting, so go have a good night." She nodded and left the conference room. Ianto, however, did not. "Ianto, you too. There's nothing here that can't wait until tomorrow."

"Only tomorrow is going to be busy, so I may as well get it done today," he pointed out. Jack shook his head and stood up, indicating they should head upstairs.

"It can still wait," Jack said. "You know this job. Take the time when it comes. Enjoy a Friday night off."

Ianto seemed to hesitate. "I'm not sure what to do with a Friday night off. Would we…did we usually do something? Together?"

Jack tried not to sigh, as it still hurt to think of the many weekends they'd spent together over the months. "Yes, we often spend time together when we have a night off. Maybe see a movie, or watch telly. Try a new restaurant. There's a little jazz club in Grangetown we've been to several times, you even danced with me once…" Remembering how much Ianto had protested, and how flustered he had been afterward, brought a pang of sadness to Jack's chest.

"I danced?" Ianto asked, sounding thoroughly skeptical. "In public?"

"You were pretty tense," Jack laughed. "I thought you'd be a natural, but something was holding you back."

"I don't like dancing," Ianto said. "Not in public."

"That's what you said. So we danced back at your flat once or twice, and you were wonderful last month when—well. Last month." He didn't want to make Ianto uncomfortable by referring to their relationship so often. It felt like uninvited pressure.

"New Year's Eve?" Ianto asked.

"Yeah," Jack said. "It was amazing. We literally danced the night away."

Ianto was quiet as they walked into the main part of the Hub. Tosh called out a goodbye and left through the cog door. "I wrote about it, you know. In my diary. I wish I remembered."

"You will," Jack said. "And if not, I already have reservations for this year."

"You do?"

"I do. Now, go home and relax. Doesn't the Six Nations cup start soon?"

"Next month," Ianto said. He went to shut down his station, arranging his desk space before pulling on his coat. "I thought you didn't follow rugby?"

"I don't, but you do, so I now know the difference between a ruck and a maul."

"Wow, you're an expert," Ianto replied dryly. "If you know so much, I don't suppose you'd want to stop at my local, see if we can catch a match and find something to eat?"

Jack couldn't help but grin at the awkward invitation. And he wanted to, more than anything. "I'd love to," he said. "But I shouldn't. I've been there, with you, once or twice. It could be awkward if someone said something. About us."

"Oh." Ianto seemed genuinely disappointed, but recovered quickly. "I suppose you're right. What will you do?"

"Keep a quiet eye on things," Jack replied with a shrug. "I meant it when I said we need to be prepared for whatever's coming through. I'm going to take it easy, like I told the rest of you."

Ianto nodded. "I'm sorry," he said. "That you've been alone all week, when so many of your things are at my flat."

"Don't be sorry," Jack said. "I'm sorry you've lost so much of your memory. That's what's important here. Not me."

"If you need anything you're welcome to come by," Ianto offered. Jack shook his head.

"It's too soon," he said. "I'd like to, I would. But it doesn't feel right, not yet."

"I understand," Ianto said. "But I feel like..." He gave Jack a thoughtful look. "Like you're different. We're different. I can sense it, even though I don't remember." When Jack didn't say anything, Ianto continued. "I want to know more, do more, but knowing something used to be a certain way and actually going back to that are two different things."

"We'll get there. You don't have to worry about me," Jack said. "And try not to worry about the Rift opening. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yes, sir," Ianto murmured. "Good night, Jack."

Jack watched him leave, thinking about his own long and lonely night. As soon as Ianto left, Jack hurried to his office and grabbed his coat. He wasn't going to sit around the Hub feeling sorry for himself. He thought about going out to a bar, or even a quiet restaurant, and then finishing the night on his favorite rooftop, but instead he decided to head to the Silos.

Aran had sensed something with the Rift, and Jack could tell him to be prepared now that they knew for certain something was coming. He could also check in and see if anyone had any more insight in the Datiran device. And if not, Aran Ford always poured a good, strong glass of brandy.

* * *

Jack spent several hours at the Silos, though he mostly sat quietly and observed the crowd around him. He did talk to Aran, about the upcoming Rift opening and about Ianto. Aran was a good listener, and Jack was glad he went out rather than sit around the Hub moping. He was tired of sleeping by himself in his tiny room. He not only wanted Ianto, but suddenly wanted someplace bigger, more like home. Apparently, he'd got used to spending time away from the Hub at Ianto's flat, and being forced to live at the Hub all week had reminded him of that sense of normalcy he missed along with sharing it with Ianto.

Sitting on his favorite rooftop with a cup of hot coffee from an all-night diner, he contemplated how he might either spruce up his bunk, or move out completely. When it got too cold, he left and stopped at a twenty-four-hour ASDA and bought some food for the team to have over the weekend, mainly snacks and drinks. He also bought some pillows and a new blanket for his bed, thinking it might make it more cozy. It wouldn't be the same as Ianto's flat, but it was something.

Sleeping in after a late night, Jack got up, showered, had one of the bagels he'd picked up, and read through his emails. He fed their new residents, did some paperwork, and even tidied his office, while constantly checking the Rift monitor for any changes. He wasn't surprised when the entire team drifted in early; he was glad he'd got some food.

They'd all had a good night off and, for the most part, seemed recharged. Which was a good thing, because the Rift alert went off as soon as they'd finished eating lunch, and Jack took Gwen out to chase down a set of large marbles that had come through the Rift in the middle of one of the arcades. While they seemed innocuous enough, Jack couldn't be certain they were safe, and they spent two hours making sure no one in the area had pocketed one. Even then, Jack was fairly sure at least one or two would show up on the internet.

They returned to find Tosh and Ianto out on another alert. A third alarm took them all out to a local car park, where there were reports of a large wolf-like creature with glowing eyes prowling the area. CCTV showed them the creature, which Jack recognized as a hellhound from Bargest. He also knew they hunted in packs, which meant more could have been swept up by the Rift.

They split up, working their way down from the top: Gwen and Ianto started on the fourth level, and Jack and Tosh started on the second. It did not take long for Gwen and Ianto to corner one of the creatures, tranquilizing it before it could attack. While Owen pulled the car up to load it into the SUV, Jack heard Ianto exclaim something about another hound and run off. Alone.

"Ianto!" he shouted into his comm. "Where are you heading?"

"Third floor, northwest corner," Ianto said, out of breath from running. "Where are you? Maybe we can trap it between us."

"Second floor, but on our way. Be careful."

They sprinted toward the staircase, taking them two at a time. But as soon as they burst onto the next floor, they were confronted by a large black hound, hissing and growling at them. It couldn't have been the one Ianto was chasing because they were on the opposite end of the level from Ianto. And then he heard Ianto shout over the comms that the one he'd found was a large one.

"Gwen, help Ianto!" Jack told her, backing away from the slathering beast in front of them. "There's two of them on the third floor!"

"We're still on the fourth floor," Owen answered. "Loading the first one, and it's already waking up. Take two shots with the dart gun, they're gonna need it."

Jack glanced at Tosh, and she nodded to acknowledge she'd heard the doctor. "I'll distract it, you take the shots before it can rush you."

He moved to the right, and the animal tracked him with its eyes, but did not move away, still wary of Tosh. Jack yelled at it, waved his arms, and as soon as it moved toward him, she fired two darts into its hind legs. It collapsed, twitching on the ground as two more shots went off nearby. In his ear, he heard Ianto's voice in panic.

"I hit it with two, and it's still moving. Jack, I'm going to have to—"

He was cut off, and all Jack heard was a growl, a grunt, and a sound like someone hitting the pavement hard. He shouted for Ianto, but there was no answer. His heart racing in panic, he started toward the other end of the level.

"Tosh, stay with this one until you can get it into the SUV, then meet me in the northwest corner. Gwen, Owen—hurry up!"

He took off, turning another corner and seeing a shape on the ground, unmoving. A body. The hellhound was pacing nearby, waiting to attack. It was at least half as large as the other one, the clear alpha male of the pack.

"Hey!" Jack shouted, waving his arms. He didn't have the dart gun, Tosh did, so he pulled out his Webley. He doubted their tranquilizers would take it out anyway, even if Ianto had hit it twice already; it was monstrous. "Leave him alone!"

"We spotted another," Owen reported. "It's heading down to the second level."

"Go after it," Jack said, eyes still on the beast. "I'm with Ianto and Tosh is watching another."

The creature growled a warning, then moved toward Ianto. Jack shouted again and ran toward it. It leaned over Ianto, clearly intending to go in for the kill, one paw on Ianto's chest. Jack fired over its head, hoping to frighten it away from Ianto before getting close enough for a cleaner shot. But to his surprise, the beast jerked several times and collapsed. Jack rushed over and pushed it off Ianto; there was blood everywhere, but he didn't know whether it was the hellhound's or Ianto's.

Falling to his knees, Jack felt a dread deep in his gut: that Ianto was seriously, if not fatally injured. That he might be dead, or dying. That he might lose this man who was so important to him, without ever having the chance to tell him, to even kiss him again. Hands shaking, he ran his fingers gently over Ianto's face and neck, feeling for injuries and calling for him softly.

"Ianto?" he asked. "Ianto, can you hear me? Are you hurt? Please, don't do this, don't die, not now." He was babbling as his hands moved down Ianto's shoulders, his arms, across his chest. He was soon covered in blood, but as near as he could tell, it was not Ianto's. He could not see or feel any injury. "Ianto, wake up, please. It's gone, it's dead, you…" He noticed the Sig Sauer lying next to Ianto, inches from his right hand. "You shot it, you stopped it. You're okay, please wake up."

Jack bowed his head, trying not to let the tears fall as he listened for any sound of breathing. Which was when the Welshman groaned softly and his eyes gradually opened. He appeared unfocused, blinking several times until his gaze settled on Jack.

"I'm okay," he said, the words slightly slurred. "Knocked me over. Hit my head."

A laugh escaped Jack's lips that was also a relieved sob. Pulling Ianto into a sitting embrace, Jack couldn't help but hold tight.

"Thank god," he murmured. "I thought I'd lost you. There's so much blood."

"I had to shoot it," Ianto said. His voice was rough but clearer. "It would have ripped my throat out."

"You were brilliant," Jack said, pulling back. He kissed Ianto soundly on the lips before he realized what he doing, then almost dropped him when he did. Ianto was stunned, and Jack moved back, apologizing profusely.

"I'm sorry," he said, and then said it again. "I didn't mean to do that, I'm just so glad you're all right. You are all right, aren't you?"

Ianto glanced away, rubbing the back of his head. "Knot the size of a melon, and my suit is ruined, but I'm okay. What about the others?"

As if on cue, the SUV came roaring up then, the other three jumping out immediately.

"Ianto!" Gwen exclaimed, as Owen set down a bag and began examining him.

"Where are you hurt?" he demanded when he saw all the blood. "Where did it get you?"

"Nowhere," Ianto replied. "It knocked me over and I shot it. Hit my head."

Owen did a quick check before sitting back and nodding. "You must have hit the pavement hard. I'm not seeing signs of major head trauma, but you could still have a mild concussion. I want to get you back to the Hub, check you out, put some ice on it. Jack, help me with the damn dog. Tosh, help teaboy into the SUV and make sure he stays conscious."

Jack stood up, needing to put some distance between him and Ianto after what he'd done. He felt terrible about kissing the other man, but Jack couldn't help himself. He'd been so relieved to see him sit up, relatively uninjured. Jack had probably crossed a line, and hoped Ianto could forgive him for it.

The girls sat with Ianto on the ride back, while Jack was unusually quiet in the front. Owen took Ianto to the medical bay while Jack worked with Gwen and Tosh to get the hellhounds down to a holding cell. The dead body was tossed into the incinerator; Jack didn't care about putting it on ice for Owen to examine, he wanted it gone. They were going to be too busy anyway.

When they went upstairs, Owen was waiting for them.

"Ianto has a mild concussion, which is going to mean keeping an eye on him for the next several hours. Otherwise he's fine, just a few other scrapes and bruises." Jack could feel Gwen and Tosh's relief, but Owen wasn't finished. "Jack, can we talk in your office?"

The girls exchanged glances before moving to their stations. Owen followed Jack into his office and closed the door behind him. "What's wrong?" Jack asked. "What aren't you telling us?"

"Nothing," Owen said. "He'll be fine. I'm more worried about you. What the hell were you thinking?"

Jack crossed his arms over his chest, immediately defensive. He knew what he'd done was wrong, and he didn't need Owen telling him so. "What do you mean?"

"I know you kissed him," Owen said. "He was a bit loose-lipped downstairs and said something. But he doesn't remember shagging you, Jack. You can't go snogging him because you're glad he's alive."

Jack opened his mouth to retort, then shut it. "I know," he said, sinking into his chair in defeat. "I know it was wrong, but it was an honest, impulsive mistake. I was so…look, I apologized and it won't happen again."

Owen seemed to be studying him. "You really do care about him."

"Yes, I do," Jack snapped. "And I know I'm not always handling this well, but I'm doing the best I can!"

Owen sighed. "I know you are. It's damned strange for all of us. But we'll figure this out. We'll get their memory back. You have to give it time—and not scare him away."

"I know." Jack sat back and stared at the ceiling. "And you'd think it would be easy—all I have is time, after all. But it's not. It's not easy at all."

Owen was quiet until Jack looked up to see if he was even still there. "What?"

"I'm sorry this happened," Owen said, his voice quiet and emotional. "I'm sorry you both have to go through this."

"Not your fault," Jack said.

"I know, but I still wish there was something I could do. As a doctor, as a coworker…as a friend. Only there's not, we're doing all we can right now, so at the risk of sounding mawkish…I'm here if you need anything. Talk, or drink. Or shoot a few paper Weevils down on the range. Whatever."

Jack couldn't help but smile at the doctor's awkward offer. "Thanks, Owen. I appreciate it. And I'll do better. Did Ianto seem…upset? Angry?"

"Funny thing about that," Owen said, walking toward the door. "He really didn't. Just pleasantly surprised. I'd say if he doesn't remember anything, you might have a good chance at another go with him."

Jack nodded. He hoped it didn't come to that, but it was reassuring to think that Owen, of all people, was on their side. "Thanks, Owen. For helping him."

"Don't mention it," Owen said. "Seriously. I didn't talk to you about it, or teaboy might shoot me again. He's cleaning up downstairs, but should be back soon. We should probably—"

"Jack!" Tosh called, sounding urgent, and they both ran out to the Hub. Tosh wheeled her chair toward them. "I've got a time and location on the Rift event tomorrow."

"Great job," Jack said, hurrying over. "Let's have it."

"Energy peaks around six tomorrow night," she said, then pointed to the map of Cardiff in front of her. "In the same park where we lost our memories."

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens just as things change between Jack and Ianto as well. Finally! Next update probably this weekend as I have a concert to worry about this week. Thank you for reading!


	14. Chapter 14

"What does this mean?" asked Gwen. They were all standing around Tosh's computer station, as if staring at the screens with their mouths open would help them understand. "It can't be a coincidence."

"No, it can't," said Jack, tapping his thumb to his bottom lip as he tried to think straight. "But I also don't see how it can possibly be related."

"What if more of those devices come through?" asked Tosh. "Maybe the ones we found last week were…well, a test."

"A test for what?" asked Owen, his voice sharp.

"An attack," Ianto answered. "Send them through to see if they work, then send the rest."

"But that would mean whoever sent them through is watching us," Gwen pointed out. "That they know the devices worked."

"What's the point of an attack like this? Making people forget about their relationships?" Owen was clearly skeptical. "It's pointless, since someone who loses a few memories is still capable of fighting back against another attack. Send a few bombs through to get the job done."

"If it's a test, the next ones they send could be worse—maybe they won't take memories, but whole personalities," Ianto suggested. "It could leave people more vulnerable to attack. Or complete takeover."

Owen rolled his eyes; Gwen looked worried. Jack shook his head. "I'm with Owen on this—a test doesn't make sense. It alerts the enemy that something is coming and gives them time to prepare. Tosh, can you tell us anything else about this opening? How big will it be, what's coming through?"

"Only that it's big," she said. "And complicated. And it still has a negative spike."

"We need to close the park," Gwen said immediately. "Let the police and city officials know."

Ianto was nodding, and Jack reluctantly agreed. "Gwen, call them and set it up for tomorrow. Keep it calm, the usual stories, excuses, and procedures. Tosh, get in touch with the mayor and let them know we're on it. I'll—"

"I'll call UNIT," Ianto interrupted. "When I spoke to them earlier, they were willing to help. I told them I'd be in touch the moment we knew more."

"You're injured," Jack said. "I'll call them."

"My head has been sore all week, now I have a bump to go with it," Ianto said. "I can call them, Jack. I don't want to sit around all night with an ice pack."

Jack glanced at Owen, who gave him a small nod, barely noticeable. Of course, Ianto saw it and rolled his eyes at the exchange. "Thank you, doctor."

"Tosh, is there anything coming before the big one tomorrow?"

Tosh turned back to her computer and pulled up some readings. "Yes, there are a lot of smaller spikes predicted through mid-morning. Then it should be quiet—the calm before the storm."

Owen grumbled and Gwen sighed. Jack tried not to knock something off a nearby desk. This was when he needed more people. Ianto was injured and Owen was technically dead, which made him vulnerable in certain situations; Gwen needed to talk to the police and Tosh needed to stay on the monitors. But Jack could not run down every alert for the next twelve hours by himself and still be ready for whatever came through the next day.

"This is what we'll do. We're going to have to work in shifts. Ianto, I know you're not going to like this, but you hit your head and we need to make sure you're ready for tomorrow. Call UNIT and take a turn in the recovery room. Tosh, I need you on computers. Me, Gwen, and Owen will take any alerts for the next four hours, then we'll switch—Owen, you'll coordinate and Gwen and Tosh, you hit the recovery room. Ianto's with me as long as you're up for it by then. We'll switch off after that according to whomever needs it. Any questions?"

No one said anything. The tension in the air was tangible, the fear real. Anything could come through, from something dangerous to a basket of fluffy kittens. Knowing there was going to be a negative spike—the first time Jack could ever recall seeing it on the monitors ahead of time—made it that much worse. Something, or someone, was going to be taken, and it was up to Torchwood to stop it.

"Then let's get to it." Jack stood up, glanced around, and nodded as if to reassure them, though it was mostly for himself. "Tosh, Gwen, Ianto—make your calls. I'm going to check the armory. Owen, get the medical bay ready for anything and everything."

"I'm always ready for anything," the doctor grumbled. There was a snort and a nervous laugh, and Jack grinned to himself. Yes, his team could handle this. Because that's what they did.

* * *

Not long after getting in touch with the authorities and warning them of the upcoming Rift event (without actually mentioning the Rift, of course), Jack went out with Gwen and Owen to cover the first Rift alert of the night. It was a book of poetry from Vogon IV, but before Owen could even open it and make a joke, a Weevil decided to run through a crowd of Saturday night diners.

After that it was a busy four hours, and they trudged back to the Hub on the verge of exhaustion, but knowing there was still more to come. Owen checked on Ianto in the recovery room, and when Ianto came upstairs, Tosh and Gwen went to lie down for a few hours. Ianto still appeared tired and somewhat pale, but said his head felt better. He and Jack had something to eat and a twenty-minute break with Owen before the alert went off for a location in Penarth. Owen settled onto Tosh's computer while Jack and Ianto dashed out to the SUV.

Jack suddenly wondered if the kiss from earlier would come up now that they were alone, and if he should say something first and apologize again. He worried it would be distracting, that Ianto might be upset with him, and dreaded an awkward drive. Fortunately, the ride there was quick and Owen was on the comms the entire time, directing them to a location near the Marina as he read them alien poetry. Expecting the worst, they took out torches and weapons and moved carefully, but were startled instead to find a dead body.

It was a large feline of some sort, clearly alien even though its trip through the Rift had left it mangled beyond any other recognition. They bagged it carefully and quietly, since they couldn't have any locals coming across it, and returned to the Hub. The drive back was silent, and Jack hated it. He had to say something so the whole night wasn't as uncomfortable. He was so nervous, however, that it took him until they walked around to the back of the SUV to get the dead body.

"I'm sorry about earlier," he blurted out. "This afternoon, at the car park."

Ianto raised an eyebrow. "I know. You've already apologized several times."

"I still feel terrible about it," Jack went on. "It was out of place, given our situation, and unprofessional, and it's made things awkward, and I—"

"Jack, stop," Ianto said, holding up a hand. "You're babbling. It's all right."

Jack shook his head. "No, it's not. I said I'd be patient, and I've been anything but patient, I've been selfish and feeling sorry for myself. I really wanted to try this again, the right way, only now you must hate me for practically attacking you when you were on the ground, covered in blood."

Ianto laughed through his nose. "I don't hate you, Jack, and you didn't attack me. I may not remember everything about you, but I do know you can be impulsive." He was smiling, as if what had happened was a whim of Jack's, impulsive flirting taken to the next level.

"That's not it," Jack protested. "I mean, yes, I can be impulsive, but I was so relieved that you weren't dead, and I've missed you so much, that I couldn't help it, I had to—"

Ianto stepped forward and kissed him, stopping Jack from embarrassing himself any more than he already had. At first Jack was too shocked to respond, but Ianto was  _really_  kissing him, far more than earlier, and Jack's eyes closed as he moaned quietly and deepened the kiss, bringing his right hand up to caress Ianto's face. Ianto moved closer, one hand wrapping around Jack's waist as the other came up behind Jack's head, fingers running through his hair. It was as if Ianto remembered exactly how to kiss Jack—there was no hesitation, no awkwardness, no uncertainty. Jack pulled him closer and kissed him with all the feelings he'd built up during the long, hard week and could finally express in the way he knew best.

Until he remembered Ianto's condition, and a wave of guilt washed over him, that he was taking advantage of Ianto when he was most vulnerable. He started to move away, but Ianto brought his other hand up to cup Jack's face, and Jack felt it all the way down to his toes, melting into the kiss with renewed passion. God, he had missed this man.

It was Ianto who eventually stopped, pulling away with a reluctant pop, his eyes slightly wide, his lips red and swollen. "Wow," he said.

Jack couldn't help but smile crookedly. "Told you we were amazing."

Ianto shook his head. "There's so much about this, about us, that's hard to believe. But that…that was real."

"It's always been real," Jack murmured, then straightened up and stepped back. "But it's too soon, don't you think? It's only been a week, and you still don't have your memories back."

"I might not get them back," Ianto replied, brutally honest. "I know that. Just like I know that kiss was one of the only things that's felt right all week. Real."

Jack looked away and bit his lip. Right. Real. Two simple words to describe them together, against all the odds. "I really want to kiss you again right now," he said quietly before glancing up to see Ianto's face. He seemed conflicted as well, desire warring with self-control, and finally cleared his throat as if breaking a spell.

"We should get the body inside," Ianto said. "Before we…or I…well, you know. We probably should go."

Jack reluctantly agreed, and they reached into the back of the SUV to haul it out together. Their hands touched, and Jack held tight, needing to be sure of one thing. "That wasn't a mistake, was it?" he asked. "Because if it was, I'm sorry I keep screwing up—"

"It wasn't," Ianto stopped him. "It wasn't a mistake, Jack. And if it was, it was my mistake. I shouldn't lead you on if I'm not ready."

"Right." He let go and they pulled the body bag out and shut the door. "Let me know when you're ready?" he asked, trying to keep it light. Ianto smiled, a genuine warm smile.

"Absolutely," he said.

"I'll be patient," Jack said. "Promise."

Ianto laughed lightly. "Why do I suspect neither one of us is particularly good at that?"

"Well, you're normally a saint," Jack pointed out. "Except when you're with me." He grinned, and Ianto laughed again.

"I think I can understand why," he said slyly. "But enough about us, what about this poor thing?" He indicated the creature in the bag.

"I think the incinerator is the only way to go," Jack said. "We can't freeze every alien for Owen to poke around in, especially with a busy weekend ahead."

They took the alien inside and downstairs before returning to the sofa and sitting down for a short break. After which they spent the next four hours straight out on the streets, running down Weevils, picking up the pieces of an alien drone that had crashed on a nearby beach, and trapping another warehouse full of blinkers (still no rolling around on the floor), before returning to the Hub for their break. It was past two in the morning.

Gwen and Tosh were up and ready to switch. Owen insisted that Jack take a rest as well as Ianto.

"You look terrible," he said, wagging a finger at Ianto before turning to Jack. "And even you can't power through until morning without stopping," he said, then nailed it home. "Especially if you want to be ready for tomorrow."

"I can handle it," Jack told him.

"He's right," Ianto said quietly from beside him. "You need a break. You just did a double shift."

"I'm fine."

"Jack," said Gwen. "We need you in top form. Owen's going out with Tosh and I'll coordinate from here. If they need help, I'll wake you for computer duty, okay?"

"Gwen, I—"

"Jack!" they all exclaimed. Ianto grabbed his hand with a huff and began to pull him toward the recovery room, where they had four beds set up. He could feel the others watching them leave together, but then another alert went off. He stopped and tried to turn, but Ianto kept hold of him and they continued toward the room, leaving the others to deal with it.

Jack wondered if Ianto might kiss him again, but instead he pointed to a bed and literally pushed Jack toward it. "Rest," he said, taking off his own shoes. "It won't kill you, you know."

"Ha ha," said Jack. A jaw cracking yawn betrayed him, and Ianto looked triumphant as he settled down onto his own small, single cot. They were not the most comfortable, but there were soft pillows and warm blankets to make up for it. Jack thought about going to his own bunker instead, and even glanced over his shoulder, contemplating what to say, but Ianto shook his head.

"You don't have to leave," Ianto said. "I don't bite."

"Oh, I know better," Jack said. Ianto rolled his eyes.

"I knew you were going to say that." He laid down, folding his hands over his stomach. "Lay down."

Jack's bed was across from Ianto, which was probably a good thing. If he'd been any closer, it would have been almost impossible to resist going to Ianto. He wondered if the Welshman had any idea how hard it was for Jack to be so close and yet so far, particularly after that earlier kiss.

Jack took his boots off, pulled his braces down, then turned off the light before settling onto his own bed. He closed his eyes and would have drifted off immediately if Ianto hadn't spoken.

"What do you think is going to happen tomorrow?" Ianto asked quietly.

Jack did not answer right away. "I don't know," he admitted.

"It's related, though," Ianto continued. "All of this. The devices that appeared in the park, the constant Rift alerts ever since. The Weevils. The prediction for tomorrow. It has to be."

"I don't know how, but I think you're right." Jack thought about it some more. "What worries me more is not what comes through, but what—"

"What we lose," Ianto finished. "The negative spike."

"It could be nothing," Jack said. "Maybe the Rift will snatch up a rubbish bin and dump it in the middle of the fifteenth century. No big deal."

"Unless it happens to be in the middle of Leonardo da Vinci's studio," Ianto said. "I'd hate to see  _The Last Supper_  with a rubbish bin in the corner."

They laughed quietly together, and it felt good.

"We'll do our best to preserve art history," Jack said.

They were silent for a long moment. Jack was sure Ianto was asleep and started to drift off himself.

"Why did you ask me out when you got back?" Ianto asked. "What changed?"

"What do you mean?" Jack asked, understanding the question perfectly but needing to stall his answer.

"You said we slept together for release. Did we keep sleeping together until you left?"

"We said it was going to be one night, but yes. We did." Instead of dissipating the sexual tension between them, it had only increased, and they'd fallen into bed again within days. It had been heady and confusing and yet amazing at the same time. He wished Ianto remembered.

"And then you left," Ianto said, but there was no accusation to his words. "And when you came back, we started dating. Why?"

"I don't understand," Jack said. He wasn't sure where Ianto was going with his questions.

"Neither do I," Ianto told him. "What changed that we went from sleeping together to dating? To dinner and dancing, cooking dinner together and spending nights at my flat watching movies? How does that happen with two people like us?"

"What do you mean, like us?" Jack asked, not sure whether to laugh or panic. It was an excellent question, though, one he often struggled to answer.

"We have a complicated history, even if I don't remember half of it. We're from different worlds, different times. And you're immortal. How does any of that lend itself to a relationship? Especially in Torchwood?"

Jack had no idea what to say, and he was terrified that he'd either ruin everything with Ianto by not saying anything at all, or by saying the wrong thing. So he tried to pull his thoughts together and answer the question as honestly as he could. He'd been talking around it for days, now it was time to lay it all on the table.

"While I was gone, things changed for me. I learned what I was, and I started to see things differently. I had a lot of time to think, and I thought about you. It's as simple as that." He wished he were lying next to Ianto, that he could lean over and kiss him, stroke his chest as they talked. Instead, he put his hands behind his head and stared up at the dark ceiling. "I came back because wanted to be with you, and I still do, because I care about you. Is that really so hard to believe?"

"Yes, it was," Ianto replied quietly. "Until that kiss. Did I know all this before I lost my memory?"

Jack sucked in a breath in surprise, then shook his head at Ianto's uncanny perception. "I don't know," he answered honestly. "We both hold our cards pretty close, so I doubt it. We sort of are what we are."

Ianto was quiet for so long that Jack was sure he had fallen asleep. He sighed and turned over on his side. He needed sleep as well, but now his mind was racing, bouncing back and forth between hope that he would have another chance to be with Ianto, and the despondent belief that he had ruined everything by saying too much. He couldn't get comfortable, and knowing Ianto was so close and yet so far made everything that much harder.

Until he felt a warm arm tentatively encircle his waist, coming to rest on his chest. "Go to sleep, Jack," said Ianto, pulling the blanket over them both. "We'll be okay."

For the first time, Jack believed him. His body relaxed and he fell asleep almost instantly, safe and warm in the arms of the man he loved.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, finally! :)  
> Yes, this chapter was done earlier than expected. It seemed a better place to wait a few extra days for the next chapter (I've been trying to stick to an every other day schedule of posting but am quite busy the next few days.) Things really pick up from here on out, and hopefully in both expected and unexpected ways. Next update this weekend - thanks for reading!


	15. Chapter 15

Four hours later, Jack woke up, warm and comfortable, with his arm resting lightly on Ianto's hip. He smiled and leaned forward to kiss the back of Ianto's neck, to tease him into waking up, until he remembered where he was and what was happening: Ianto didn't remember their relationship, didn't know that that they had spent many nights like this at his flat, or in Jack's bunker, waking up tangled together.

With a sigh, Jack pulled his hand back and moved away, but Ianto was a light sleeper and woke immediately, turning over with a puzzled expression.

"What's going on—" he started, then stopped, wide-eyed, when he realized where he was and saw Jack beside him.

"Sorry, sorry," Jack babbled, starting to sit up. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, it's just how we sleep, especially when we stay here because my bed is so much smaller than yours. I hope I didn't—"

And once again Ianto stopped him, this time by reaching up and pulling him down for a heated kiss. Too startled to initially protest, Jack pulled back when Ianto's hand moved toward the buttons on Jack's shirt.

"We shouldn't," he murmured, running his hand along Ianto's jaw to soften the rejection.

"Why not?" Ianto asked, completely serious and throwing Jack for a loop.

"Because…well, someone might walk in on us, for one," Jack replied. "And you usually hate that."

"Owen said they'd all seen us at one point or another," Ianto reminded him. "So, it's not like it would be a surprise."

"Only it would," Jack said. "Because it's so soon. You said you'd tell me when you were ready, but that was only a few hours ago! You can't possibly be ready!"

Ianto sighed and ran a hand through his hair, trying to tame it back into shape. "Probably not," he admitted. "At least, not when I stop to think about it."

"And when you don't stop to think about it?"

"I want it," Ianto said quietly. "I don't know exactly what I'm missing, but I miss it, somehow. I can't explain it."

Jack resisted the urge to take Ianto's hand and caress it. "Do you think…have you remembered something, anything at all?"

Ianto met his eyes and shook his head. "No, I haven't. I only have stories and pictures in my mind of things that you've told me, of what the others have said. But I think…" He trailed off, unsure. This time Jack did reach out and take his hand, concerned.

"What is it?" he asked. "Is everything all right?"

"My head feels better," Ianto finally confessed. "A lot better, and not from sleep, or anything Owen gave me. I think it's because my memories aren't fighting each other so much. I don't remember my past, but I can accept that what I do remember is wrong, and that what I've been told, what I've read in my own diary, is right. Because it  _feels_ right."

"And that's why you don't have a headache anymore," Jack said. "But that's amazing! That's a good thing, isn't it?"

"I still want to remember everything," said Ianto.

"You will," Jack assured him. "We'll do whatever we need to do so you remember."

"We?" Ianto teased as he inched closer. "I like the sound of that."

"Ianto," Jack started, but Ianto cut him off.

"Jack," he parroted, his hands coming up to Jack's shoulders and wrapping around his neck. Jack smiled at him, unable to resist but determined to take it slow as they came together. Yet their kiss was cut short by an exclamation from the doorway.

"Jack, it's almost time to—oh my god!"

Ianto almost fell off the bed backing away, while Jack stumbled as he tried to stand. At least they weren't pulling their pants on, but Gwen's timing couldn't have been worse.

"Ianto, hi," stuttered Gwen, almost as red as Ianto. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize—"

"Doesn't matter," Ianto murmured, throwing his legs over the side of the bed and trying to straighten his clothes without meeting her eyes.

"I wouldn't have come in if I'd known, if I'd thought you—" She stopped and stared at them, then grinned. "Wait, does this mean you remember?"

"Ah no," Ianto said. "Still working on it."

"Interesting way of working on it," she teased. Any other day, and Jack might have appreciated the humor, but not that day.

"Gwen," he warned, but Ianto shook his head.

"It's fine," he said. "She's right, after all." He met Gwen's teasing with a grin of his own. "Much better than psychotherapy, though."

"I bet it is!" she laughed. "Sorry to interrupt your therapy session, then, but it's time for the next shift. How do you want to split up?"

Jack ended up sending Tosh and Owen down to the recovery room, Owen making dry comments about meditating instead of sleeping. He took Gwen on the next alert while Ianto coordinated from the computer. They traded off—mostly space junk with a few Weevil calls— until Ianto informed them mid-morning that aside from any more Weevils roaming the streets, the Rift appeared quiet as it built toward whatever was going to happen that night. They returned to the Hub tired and hungry and found Tosh and Owen already up, Tosh standing impatiently behind Ianto, as if itching to get back on the computers after her brief rest.

Gwen dragged herself downstairs to shower and sleep, and Jack insisted Ianto do the same since he had done a double shift as well, and with a concussion. Owen asked how Ianto was feeling.

"My head feels fine," Ianto said as he stood to let Tosh have her station back. "It's actually strange, not having the same, dull headache I've had all week."

"Downstairs, teaboy," Owen said, striding toward the medical bay.

"I said I felt better, Owen," Ianto pointed out.

"And I want to make sure," Owen replied. "After that, Jack's right—kip for a few, we won't start the party without you."

Ianto rolled his eyes before exchanging a smile with Jack as he walked down to the medical bay with Owen. Jack watched Tosh at her station for a moment before laying a hand on her shoulder. "How are you? Did you get enough sleep?"

She shook her head. "Of course not," she replied. "None of us have. Fortunately, Ianto was right—it looks quiet for the next six or eight hours."

"Let's hope the Weevils cooperate," Jack muttered.

"Maybe if the Rift is quiet, they'll be quiet too," she said. "Assuming it's the Rift that's agitating them."

"Let's take a break while we can," Jack told her. "There's food in the kitchen, if you're hungry. I think I'll get cleaned up and have something to eat."

She nodded absently, and Jack left her studying the computers and went down to his bunk to shower and change. When he came back up, Ianto had made coffee and the team was sitting around the table by the sofa eating a late breakfast. Talk was quiet, and everyone was moving slower; Jack wondered who would be the first to nod off.

Gwen went first, pulling her legs up and curling in on herself on the chair instead of heading downstairs to the bed she'd been desperate for earlier. Tosh's head soon fell to Owen's shoulder, while Ianto simply put his feet up and his head back and fell asleep with his hands crossed over his chest. Jack watched them fondly for a few minutes, checked the monitors, and went to his desk to prepare for the Rift opening. Only he couldn't concentrate and ended up leaning back and closing his eyes as well. They'd had a busy night, with another one soon to come. Everyone needed a break, even him.

As he closed his eyes, he thought about his last kiss with Ianto, and how they would move forward from there. He fell asleep with a smile on his face.

* * *

Jack woke after an hour, checked on the monitors and the rest of his team, then settled back to wait. After another hour, he woke the others and they had something to eat. Two hours before the Rift was due to open, they packed as much as they could into the SUV and set out, leaving Tosh behind at the Hub to monitor the Rift. The police had closed the park, and UNIT was there as well, parked around the perimeter in several unmarked white vans that stood out even more for trying not to stand out.

"Gwen, I want you with the police," Jack said, directing his team after checking in with the other officials. "Owen, with UNIT. Ianto, with me."

Ianto glanced at Owen in surprise. "Are you sure you don't want me with UNIT, sir? I have talked with them several times this week already."

"And he can play nice with them much better than I can," Owen added.

Jack shook his head. "We keep wondering if this is connected to what happened last week. If it is, I want Ianto with me. They don't know about the devices that came through, remember, and I don't want any surprises."

Owen grumbled and moved off toward UNIT, but Ianto looked troubled. As he and Jack walked toward the center of the park, he spoke up.

"You're not trying to protect me, are you, sir?" he asked. "Because I don't need you to protect me."

"I'm not," Jack told him, though he understood why Ianto would say that. "I meant what I said. If there is a connection to your memory loss, I want you in front, not in back."

"Why?" asked Ianto.

"In case something happens up front that can help us get your memory back," Jack pointed out. Ianto stopped walking, and Jack turned to find the Welshman staring at him.

"You think that might happen?" he asked. "That I'm going to somehow get my memory back because of whatever comes—or goes—through the Rift tonight? That's ridiculous!"

"I know it is," Jack snapped. "But why this park? It could connect everything—your memory loss, all the activity this past week, and now a major Rift opening. Something is going to happen and my gut tells me you need to be here for it."

Ianto pursed his lips and moved closer. "What if the connection is me? I was here, I lost my memory—what if the Rift takes  _me,_ Jack?"

"Not going to happen," Jack said firmly.

"We can't stop it," Ianto told him. "We both know that."

"Then I will find you," Jack snapped. "No matter what happens. But you're not going anywhere. We're going to stop whatever's going on here, we're going to get your memory back, and we are going to go on with our lives."

Ianto stared at him, his face both surprised at Jack's passionate outburst and determined. He strode up to Jack and shook a finger in his face. "No sacrifices, Jack. Don't let it take  _you_. I wouldn't have any idea how to find you, and I'd kill you when I did."

He strode past Jack toward the center of the park. Owen's voice crackled over the comms as Jack hurried to catch up.

"Nice little domestic there, Harkness," he drawled. "Way to win him back."

"Sod off, Owen," came Ianto's voice over the line. "It's none of your business."

"No, but it was entertaining. And for the record, that Rift better not take either one of you, because there is no way in hell I'm traipsing across the galaxy to bring you back!"

Jack caught up to Ianto, who gave Jack a sheepish look before turning off his earpiece. "Sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to snap at you. Or threaten to kill you."

"I'm used to it," Jack replied. "I think everyone wants to kill me at some point or another."

Ianto smiled. "Good thing it hasn't stuck then."

Jack nodded in agreement. "I'm not trying to keep an eye on you, I promise. But I do think whatever happens is something we both need to be here for."

"Fair enough." Ianto tucked his hands into his pockets as he turned around and studied the empty park. It was cold and wet and growing dark, though the sky was clear of earlier clouds and rain. "Seems so quiet," he said. "Maybe we'll both get whisked off to someplace warm and sunny. Wouldn't mind that."

"Wouldn't be able to complain about the weather then," Jack pointed out.

"I'm Welsh, I'd find something else," Ianto replied, and they laughed lightly. Jack checked in with the others, but nothing was happening yet. There was a bench nearby, and Jack motioned toward it, so that he and Ianto could sit and keep an eye on the area. They sat side by side, tense and alert, but not uncomfortable, and Jack was glad that the silence was not awkward after everything that had happened between them over the last three hours.

"Where did we go?" Ianto asked out of the blue, gazing around the park, watching for the Rift opening. "On our first date, after you came back?"

Jack smiled as he remembered. "Rosso," he said. "Dinner, dessert, lots of wine. Candles." He smiled at how much the candles had thrown Ianto. Jack had been hoping for a romantic evening, and Ianto had pushed back most of the night.

"Rosso?" Ianto asked in surprise. "The Italian restaurant? That's posh."

"I wanted something special," Jack told him. "Romantic."

"Seems a bit much," Ianto mused, eyeing him sideways. "At least, for us."

"That's what you thought," Jack admitted. "We saw a movie after, but it was so bad we left."

"Science fiction?" Ianto asked, and Jack nodded with a laugh.

"Bad science fiction."

"That's because we live the real thing," Ianto pointed out. "If we left the movie, then what?"

"We went to the beach and almost got arrested for public indecency." Jack waited for it.

"What?" Ianto exclaimed. "You're joking. Our first date almost ended in jail time?"

"I'm exaggerating," Jack admitted. "We weren't indecent at all, it was only a grouchy copper that found us kissing on the beach and told us off."

"Kissing on the beach." Ianto nodded as he swept his eyes across the park again. "So we left the bad movie and went to the beach to snog instead?"

"To talk," Jack told him. "And we did, which was how we ended up kissing."

"Naturally," Ianto murmured. "And after the copper chased us off?"

"We had a drink at your local," Jack told him. He turned toward Ianto, elbow leaning on the back of the bench. "We played pool, you beat me easily, and we talked some more. Ended the night at your place."

"Ah." Ianto turned toward him with a smile. "And did you stay?"

Jack smiled back. "I did," he answered. "At your invitation, I might add." He had tried to leave, but Ianto had convinced him to stay, and they'd had an amazing night getting reacquainted.

Ianto did not respond for several minutes. "Don't you need advance reservations for Rosso?" he asked.

"Yes, usually three months out," Jack replied. "I pulled some strings, though."

"Of course you did," Ianto murmured. He glanced up and met Jack's eyes. "I don't need a posh dinner, or a bad movie, or beach front snogging. It sounds like an episode of Hollyoaks. But I was thinking, maybe we could, when this is all done… go for a drink? Another game of pool?

"Are you asking me out on a date?" Jack replied, thinking of his own nervous invitation so many months ago in the office block.

"Seems more like a thing we'd do," Ianto said. He sounded less nervous and more uncertain about his suggestion. "Still interested?"

"You know I am," Jack murmured. "And if we weren't in the middle of a park waiting for the Rift to open, I'd kiss you again."

"I'd like that," Ianto grinned. "If we weren't in the middle of a park waiting for the Rift to open. The world could be ending, after all."

"The world's always ending," Jack said. "But you're right. Time and place and all that."

"Strange place for the world to end," Ianto remarked. "Maybe the rest of the blinkers will come through instead and we can start that animal sanctuary."

"It's never that easy," Jack laughed. He touched his earpiece and called the Hub. "All right Tosh, what are monitors saying?" he asked. "Because we've got lots of nothing here so far. Park is empty, sky is clear, no aliens, no…" He trailed off as a well-remembered sound began to whine nearby.

"Jack?" asked Tosh. "What's happening? I'm getting some strange readings for the park right now."

Jack turned and saw it, the shape something very familiar materializing by the swings. He shook his head and tried not to grin. "It's fine, Tosh. This isn't the big one, though, is it?"

"No, the monitors are still predicting something else. What's going on?"

"We have company," Jack said, and switched off his earpiece as he strode toward the blue police box now parked in the middle of the park. He called to Ianto, who turned and joined him with a look of disbelief.

"This is it, then?" he asked, gazing at the blue box. "Tosh picked up the Doctor?"

"No, she said there's still something incoming."

Ianto was clearly skeptical. "Something's coming through the Rift, and the Doctor is here first. That's not a good sign."

"Or maybe it is," Jack said. "Maybe he knows what's coming and can help." He felt his own stomach tighten with nerves, however, because in a way, Ianto was right: the Doctor tended to show up for the big fires, the end-of-the-world scenarios, and if he was there, it didn't look good.

Ianto shook his head. "This has been a long week that's only about to get longer."

Jack was about to answer when the door to the TARDIS opened. Half expecting to see the same floppy-haired man in a brown suit he'd left on the Plass seven months ago, Jack was completely taken aback when a short, blond-haired woman appeared instead.

She glanced around with keen eyes that stopped immediately on Jack and Ianto. "Jack!" she exclaimed in a thick northern accent, hurrying over and embracing him. Jack looked at Ianto in surprise, which only increased when she turned to Ianto with a broad smile. "And Ianto!" She pulled him into a hug as well, and the expression of baffled dismay on Ianto's face was priceless.

Jack was just as confused. Was this a new regeneration of the Doctor? Why had she appeared now, as the Rift was about to open—and how did she know Ianto?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was over 5K and I am not always a fan of those long chapters. I've written longer ones, but they are such a bear to edit! Therefore I split it, which usually means getting it sooner, even if it literally ends with a bunch of questions. Enjoy and thank you for reading!


	16. Chapter 16

 

"Have we met before?" Ianto asked when the blond woman stepped away. Her eyes flickered to Jack and then back to Ianto, and she shook her head as if remembering something. She was dressed in short pants, boots, and a long grey coat, with a black bag flung over one shoulder. Though she looked nothing like the men he had known as the Doctor, Jack sensed this was, indeed, the Doctor. He was surprised to see a new regeneration so soon, even though he knew it could have been centuries for the Doctor since they'd parted ways on the Plass.

"Of course not," she said. "Or rather—not yet. My past, your future and all that. It's the fun part of time travel, keeping your timelines—and your grammar—straight. How are you?" She didn't even give him a chance to answer. "Right—not well. Long week, from what I've heard."

"What you've heard?" Jack asked, finally getting in a word. "Doctor, what are you doing here?"

"Oh, well, you know," she said, hands fidgeting behind her back. "Bit of this and a bit of that. The TARDIS thought it might be good to stop by, see what's going on."

"Really?" he asked dryly. He almost rolled his eyes; Ianto didn't hold back. "We're waiting for a major Rift opening and the TARDIS brings you right to it?"

"She's got a mind of her own sometimes," the Doctor replied with a not-so-innocent shrug. "You know that."

"What really brought you here?" Jack asked, piercing her with a serious look; it was odd, being so much taller. She met his gaze, once again confirming that this was his Doctor. There was an endless sadness in her eyes that he suspected would be reflected in his own all too soon.

"If you must know, you did," she replied, her eyes flickering briefly to Ianto again. "You asked me to bring you something."

"I did?" Jack asked.

"Well, you and—"

Ianto stepped forward. "Is it a small black sphere? A Datiran memory device?"

She turned toward him, her expression sad and sympathetic. "I did," she said. "I'm sorry about your memory."

"If it brings it back, we'll love you forever," Jack replied. "But what do you mean, I asked you bring me something? I've never met this regeneration."

"Future you, of course," she said, then waited. When Jack didn't reply, she huffed. "Come on, Jack. Figure it out."

"Causal loop," Ianto replied immediately. "Your future self must have remembered meeting her in the park today, so he told her to come back to the park today."

She grinned broadly, almost reaching out to embrace him once more. "And that is why I adore you, Mr. Jones. Got it in one."

"Future me from when?" Jack asked. If his future self met the Doctor again, how far in the future was it? How long did he survive?

"Oh, a good few years," she answered vaguely. "Not sure you want the details—future knowledge and all that."

"How far in the future do we meet?" he asked. "Please, I need to know if I'm going to send you back."

She pursed her lips and looked away, squinting at something only she could see. When she turned back toward him, her voice was quieter. "A thousand years, give or take."

Jack dropped his head and closed his eyes. A thousand years in the future, and he was still alive. While it was comforting to know that the Doctor was still around, and that Jack still carried his memories of Ianto through the centuries, the thought was staggering, that one day he would be a thousand years old.

"I'm sorry," she said gently. "I know it's hard, but you're doing brilliant. If anyone can do what you do, it's you."

Which didn't make much sense, but sounded exactly like something the Doctor would say. He swallowed his fear and terror of the endless future before him and concentrated on the present. "While I'd love to know whether my hair turns grey, what did I say? How did we meet so far in the future?"

"Well, you were traveling with me, you and—" She stopped herself, glancing at Ianto again with a smile. "Sorry, future knowledge. Anyway, the TARDIS jumped to Datiris, where we stopped some minor unpleasantness. And that's where we found two TMDs, and you realized that I needed to bring them back in time."

Ianto's eyes were wide and skeptical.

"I couldn't make it up if I tried," the Doctor said. "Causal loops are crazy, remarkable things. You were quite shocked too, before you gave me the short version of the story, but it made sense, and here I am."

"Am I still inside the TARDIS?" Jack asked sharply, watching the ship with new reservations. He did not want to meet himself from a thousand years in the future. The thought was too much.

"No, I dropped you two off at Aldebaran, you said it was complicated enough without your future self hanging around to watch."

"Watch what?" Ianto asked.

"You two?" Jack added.

"Oh, you and…er, your companion. Seems the older we get, the less we like to be alone." She gazed into the distance somewhat sadly, then forced a smile before looking back at them. "Me, I'm on my own at the moment. Had some lovely companions from Sheffield, but they've gone home for a bit, back to their real lives. As they should."

"What didn't Jack want to watch?" Ianto asked again. "What's going to happen in the park?"

"Well, I'm not actually sure," she admitted. "You didn't say, only that I'd know when it happens."

"We're expecting a Rift opening," Jack told her. "Maybe something comes through?"

"Or it could be the other way around," she said, far too cheerful at the thought of the Rift taking someone. "But in the meantime, one special delivery, from Jack Harkness to Jack Harkness via TARDIS post."

She held out the bag and Jack took it, his hands almost starting to shake. He opened the flap and saw two black spheres. Taking one out, he examined it nervously. It looked exactly like the one they had found, only it was warm and clearly still working. He handed it to Ianto, who appeared both hopeful and afraid as he examined it.

"Do you know how it works?" Jack asked. "How to reverse memory loss?"

The Doctor nodded. "As a matter of fact, I do. You open the control compartment and tap the red and blue buttons to change the setting before hitting the black button. Always black. It reverses the memory loss by reopening the neural connections with a targeted pulse of energy. Should be perfectly safe."

"Should be?" Ianto asked sharply. "Is there some risk?"

"Other than the fact that it messes with your brain chemistry," the Doctor replied. "And it wasn't designed for current human physiology, but if you lost your memory, I suspect it will work in restoring it. For the most part."

"For the most part." Ianto turned to Jack. "If this is why you ran off, I can see why you came back!"

Jack agreed, for Ianto was right about the Doctor's more exasperating qualities. "We can take it back to the Hub and let Tosh and Owen examine it first," he said.

Ianto frowned, gazing down at the sphere in his hand. "Do you trust her?"

Jack nodded. "I always have, from the moment I met him. Her. The Doctor."

"It works," the Doctor said. "I'm from the future, remember?"

Ianto seemed even more conflicted, then nodded and pushed open one side of the sphere. Before Jack could stop him, or even ask if he was sure, Ianto touched the red and blue buttons and activated the device. There was a flash of bright light, and he collapsed immediately, sinking to the ground before Jack could catch him.

He swore as he knelt down, pulling Ianto from the cold grass onto his lap and glaring angrily at the Doctor.

"You could have warned him," he snapped. Ianto was already coming to.

"I didn't know he was going to do it right now!" she exclaimed. "Much more impulsive than he usually is."

"And you know him that well?" Jack demanded. "He's been dealing with this for a week, of course he wanted to try it."

"Stop yelling," Ianto murmured, pushing himself up and out of Jack's lap. "It was my choice, and I'm fine."

Jack helped him to stand. "How's your head?" he asked, wanting to ask if Ianto remembered his past now, but not wanting to upset him if it hadn't worked.

"Headache, like the first time," Ianto replied with a grimace. "But Jack…I think…I think things are coming back. I think I remember."

"You think?"

"It's fuzzy," Ianto replied. "Like a dream, or déjà vu. There but not quite there."

"The connections should have been restored, but I suspect you have to use them to remember what you forgot," the Doctor offered. "Everything should come back with time, you just have to flex those mental muscles to stretch them out again."

"Do you still remember the past week?" Jack asked.

Ianto nodded. "I do, and I'm so sorry, I know it's been awful for you—"

Jack stopped him. "It's not your fault. I'm glad it's over for you."

Ianto glanced sideways at the Doctor, then stepped forward, took Jack's face in his hands, and kissed him long and hard. Jack felt it down to his toes; it had only been a week, but it had been a lonely week. He had missed Ianto more than he'd ever thought he could, and at that moment, he rejoiced in the feel of Ianto's hands, of his lips, of his body clinging to Jack almost as desperately as Jack was holding him, knowing that Ianto remembered him now.

There was a cough from nearby, and they both turned to find the Doctor watching them with a combination of amusement, embarrassment, and curiosity. "So it definitely worked, then?"

Ianto stepped back, straightening his coat and obviously self-conscious. "Thank you," he said. "I…I don't know what we would have done if you hadn't brought these back."

"Just following orders," she said. "Though that was an easy one. Sometimes causal loops can be quite messy. Now, what about that Rift opening? I'd like to see that before I go. Any idea of when? Or what might happen?"

Jack shook his head. "Should be soon, though we don't usually know the exact details. We usually wait and see what happens. It's been a busy week, though. The Rift has been more active."

"Is that normal?" the Doctor asked. "For your Rift, that is?"

"When it's working up to a big opening, yes," Jack said.

The Doctor nodded and took out a small tool; Jack assumed it was her new sonic screwdriver. She started running it through the air, as if taking measurements of the park, but before Jack could ask her about any readings she might have found, Tosh clicked through on the comms.

"Jack, Ianto—it's starting. Check the southwest corner of the park."

"This way," Jack said, and jogged across the park to where a small pinprick of light was growing larger by the second. It was about five feet off the ground, a dazzling display of color with bolts of lightning flickering across the opening. They stopped far enough away that they weren't in danger, but could still hear the crackling and feel the heat radiating from the breach. Jack's hand went to his Webley, while Ianto, holding the sphere protectively in one hand, stood to Jack's right with his own weapon by his side.

The Doctor stepped forward, still waving her sonic screwdriver and taking measurements, oblivious to any danger, just like Jack remembered. "I'm not picking up any lifeforms," she called back. "But I think I can…oh no."

"What's wrong?" Jack asked.

"I think I know why I'm here," the Doctor replied, turning toward them in clear alarm. "And you're not going to like it."

"Why not?" Ianto asked sharply, but was interrupted by Tosh again.

"Jack, are you still there?"

"Yes, I'm standing right in front of it," Jack told her. "Nothing's come through yet."

"It's the negative spike," Tosh said. "Which means it's going to take something! Be careful!"

"Back up!" Jack shouted to the others, and they all scurried back, even the Doctor. "Tosh, tell me more."

"That's all I have, I—wait. Jack, I'm starting to pick up some strange readings from other parts of town. I don't understand them, though!"

"Hang on, Tosh, we might have some answers here." He clicked his earpiece off and turned toward the Doctor. "What do you mean, we might not like it? Tosh said it's a negative spike, and she's starting to pick up other readings around Cardiff. What's going on?"

She waved her screwdriver at the opening, which was still crackling and flashing, though it had not grown in size. "Yes, I think that's why I'm here. That's a portal—and it leads to last week, right here in this park."

"What?" Jack asked. Ianto stared at her, down at the sphere, then back at the Doctor.

"That's when we found the sphere, a week ago," he said. "In this park. That's when I lost my memory."

Jack's eyes went wide as something terrible occurred to him. "No," he said, shaking his head. "No, that's not possible. That can't be why you're here."

"I think it is," she said quietly, her voice very serious.

"These can't possibly be the same ones!" Jack exclaimed. Ianto swore and looked down at the sphere he was holding, then grabbed the bag from Jack and examined the other one while Jack watched, hoping he was wrong. God, he hated time travel sometimes…

"They must be," the Doctor said. "You have to send them back in time. Throw them through the Rift."

Ianto stepped away, clutching it tight. "We can't," he said. "Tosh needs her memory back, and all those people at the hospitals."

"I'm sorry," she said, and she sounded like she regretted nothing more. "You won't be able to help them right now. You have to throw those spheres into the Rift."

"No!" Ianto stepped back again, his eyes wide and panicked. Jack moved closer, to calm and protect him, but pressed the Doctor. There had to be another way.

"Why did you bring them back if we can't use them?" Jack said. "Why not take them directly back to last week?"

"Because that's not how you found them, is it? With me hanging around?" Jack shook his head, and she continued. "The Rift spit them out in the park, and they shorted out, and took your memories. That's how it  _has_  to go, because it already  _has."_

"How do you know that?" Ianto asked.

"Because you told me," she snapped, then waved her sonic screwdriver at them. "And because right now a paradox is growing around us, getting ready to rip the fabric of space time if that doesn't happen. Any moment the Reapers will show up and start devouring everything that's not right anymore."

"Shit," said Jack, and his heart dropped in his chest at the implications.

"Jack, Ianto…You have to do it. You have to throw them into the Rift." The Doctor gazed at them with infinite sadness in her eyes. "Before we all die."

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this during Thirteen's run and am pretty happy at being able to include her. Of course, had I got to this when I originally started the story, it would have been done long before we even met Thirteen. And I think I had something else planned instead. Guess that's the good thing about it taking so long to come together. Hope you enjoyed it. I do love my time loops, you know! And now the summary should make much more sense. Thanks for reading!


	17. Chapter 17

No one moved. They were literally staring at the end of the world, and all because of two small devices falling through the Rift and setting in motion an impossible time loop. It made a terrifying sense, but he was cut off from understanding it completely by several voices on the comms.

"Jack?" called Tosh, her voice panicked. "These readings are off the charts, and I don't understand them. What's going on there?"

"We've got Weevils coming out in droves, Jack," Owen said. "Whatever this is, they don't like it at all, and we can't wait until it's over to round them up."

"Get on it with the UNIT team," Jack said. "Gwen, are you hearing anything on your end?"

"Emergency services is starting to get calls," Gwen reported from where she was stationed with the police on the edge of the park. "But some of them don't make sense."

"Like what?" Jack asked, holding the Doctor's eyes. Beside him, he could feel the tension radiating from Ianto. And before them, the Rift continued to sparkle and flash, as Jack felt a growing malevolence flowing from it and surrounding them.

"People are disappearing," she said. "My god, what's happening? It's not Abaddon, is it?"

"Abaddon?" the Doctor asked. "You met Abaddon?"

"Killed him seven months ago," said Jack. "The Rift let him out and people started vanishing. But that's not what's happening, is it?"

"It's the Reapers," she said. "They're beginning to clean up the paradox."

"Are you telling me that if I don't throw these back to last week, the world is going to end?" Ianto demanded.

"Yes," she said. "It will."

"Jack?" Ianto turned toward him, his eyes desperate. "She can't be serious. We need them!"

Jack rarely felt so helpless, because he knew the Doctor was right, just as he knew Ianto was right. They needed those spheres to help Tosh and the twelve other people who had lost their memory; yet they also needed to send the spheres back in time, so that they could lose their memories in the first place and prevent a catastrophic paradox. It was a no-win scenario, unless sacrificing thirteen innocents to save the world was considered a win.

It brought back strong memories for Jack, and he shuddered as he remembered his own terrible choice decades ago. Taking a deep breath to stave off his feelings of never-ending guilt, he switched off his earpiece and turned to Ianto.

"I think she's right," he said quietly. He reached out toward Ianto, but the other man stepped away, putting both devices back in the bag as if to protect them. "If we don't get rid of those now, the Reapers will destroy everything to erase the mess we create. That's their job, to maintain the balance of time. If we don't send the devices through the Rift, then they won't land in the park, you won't lose your memory, and we wouldn't be here right now holding them."

"Paradox." Ianto's eyes closed as he swore softly. Then his eyes flashed open, determined. "No, I won't sacrifice Tosh. Call her here. We'll get her memories back and then send them through."

"There's not enough time," the Doctor said. "She'll be gone before she gets here, and so will you. Devoured by the Reapers, along with hundreds if not thousands of others. You have to do it now."

"Why?" Ianto demanded. "Because you said so? What if you're wrong? Why can't we open the Rift ourselves, after we've saved Tosh?"

"We can't always control it, you know that," Jack told him, as gently as he could.

"Send the Doctor back then. After we use them."

"It wouldn't work," she said. "That's not how you found them, and it will still be too late."

"I won't do this to her—to all of them!" Ianto shouted at her. He clutched the bag tight, unwilling to let go, to believe. Jack knew this would devastate Ianto, but what else could they do? It was the only way. He'd been through it before, had made terrible sacrifices to save others, and he still lived with the guilt. He would carry it with him for the rest of his life, and now Ianto would as well.

"There's no choice," the Doctor said. "Ianto, I know you want to help your friends and all those other people who've lost their memories, but if you don't send those devices back in time right now, the paradox will destroy everything you're trying to save. Their memories are a small price to pay for their lives."

"Their memories  _are_  their lives," Ianto snapped. "Don't you understand? They've forgotten everyone they've ever loved! How am I supposed to condemn them to that life, if I can help them?"

"Because you're Torchwood," the Doctor said, but her voice was surprisingly gentle. "You make the hard choices, the impossible sacrifices."

"I'm not sacrificing them," Ianto insisted.

"You have to," the Doctor said. "I know it's a terrible burden to bear, but you can—you must."

"Jack?" Gwen interrupted. "The police received a report of a mass disappearance at one of the hospitals. Whatever's happening, it's spreading. How do we stop it?"

"We're on it," Jack said, his voice tight. "Tosh, what are you reading?"

There was no reply, and he tried again. It was Owen's voice he heard instead.

"She's not answering, Jack," Owen said. "I lost her several minutes ago. What the hell is going on?"

"Get to the Hub," Jack told him. "Check on her, make sure she's still there."

"Still there?" Owen asked. "Where else would she be?"

"Just do it!" Jack told him. "Send UNIT after the Weevils." He clicked off the comms again. "Ianto…"

Ianto was staring into the Rift, his face twisted by pain and heartache. He turned when Jack called his name.

"She's gone, isn't she?" he said, his voice so quiet Jack almost didn't hear him. "Tosh. Tosh is gone."

"We don't know that for sure," Jack told him. "But she will be if we don't do this."

"You mean, if I don't do this," Ianto said, turning away. "Because it's up to me now. I used it, but she can't. None of them will ever remember."

"We can find another way to restore their memories," Jack told him. "But not if they're dead!"

"Jack?" It was Gwen on the comms. "Jack, one of the police vans disappeared, it's gone. They're all gone. What—"

She was cut off in mid-sentence.

"No," Jack whispered.

"I'm sorry," the Doctor said. "But soon it will be too late to stop it."

Ianto's shoulders slumped, then straightened as he walked toward the Rift opening. Jack moved toward him, but the Doctor held him back.

"Let him go," she said. "He can do it."

"I know he can," Jack snapped at her. "That doesn't mean he should have to do it alone."

"Be there when it's over," she told him. "He'll need you more."

"He'll hate me," Jack whispered.

"No, he may hate himself for a while," she said, her voice also quiet and subdued. "But he'll get through this. You both will."

"And Tosh?" Jack asked.

The Doctor did not answer, but inclined her head toward where Ianto stood in front the crackling energy of the Rift. He held both black spheres, staring down at them before turning to glance at Jack over his shoulder. Jack nodded, Ianto nodded back, and without a word he threw them into the swirling vortex of time and space.

It exploded soundlessly, heat and light and color knocking them all off their feet as a wave of energy blew through the park. Jack felt a strange sensation deep in his gut, like something wrong was trying to right itself, time twisting and turning around him. He shut his eyes against the bright light and a horrible feeling of nausea, trying to catch his breath. When he opened them, he was still on his back, gazing at the dark sky. Then a hand appeared, and Ianto hauled him to his feet, his other hand clicking on his earpiece. The Rift opening was gone.

"Tosh?" said Ianto. "Tosh, are you there? Are you all right?" He seemed weak as well, pale and unsteady on his feet.

"Ianto?" she said, sounding confused. "I'm fine, what's going on? All of the sudden the readings disappeared. What happened with the negative spike?"

Ianto looked at Jack, his eyes sad and angry at the same time. He was clearly devastated. Jack nodded in support, knowing that Ianto needed work through what had happened in the park in his own way. The Welshman began to walk away.

"It's over. The Rift is closed. I'm coming back to the Hub, I'll explain everything there."

"I don't understand," she said. "What do you mean you're coming back? What about the others? Are they okay?"

Ianto stopped, his head dropping slightly before he turned toward Jack. "They're fine. We're all fine, no one is injured. I need to talk to you." He clicked off his comm and walked back to Jack.

"I have to see her," he said quietly. "I have to tell her, explain what happened."

"I understand," Jack said. "Go ahead, we'll sort things here. Have one of the police cars take you back in case we need the SUV."

Ianto nodded, walked away, then stopped again. "I would thank you for your help, Doctor, but like London, it's come with a high price." He left, jogging over to a nearby police car to ask for a ride to the Hub. They drove away with sirens flashing, and Jack watched them until they were out of sight before turning toward the Doctor.

She seemed wary of his reaction. "The time loop wasn't my doing, Jack. There was no other choice."

"I know," Jack said with a sigh. "But he's right, the price is high."

"I forgot he was at Canary Wharf," she murmured. Jack crossed his arms over his chest and gave her a hard glare. It was time for some answers. She'd been enigmatic since the moment she'd stepped out of the TARDIS, and Jack was tired of it.

"Now how did you know that? How do you know  _him_?"

"I told you—my past, his future," she said.

"You meet Ianto again in the future?" She nodded. "When?"

"Spoilers," she said, tapping the side of her nose. "We'll meet again, Jack. And it's nothing to be worried about."

"I will anyway," Jack grumbled. He was interrupted from any more questions by Owen on his earpiece.

"What the hell is going on, Jack?" he demanded. "Teaboy took off in a strop while the rest of us sit here twiddling our thumbs waiting for the Rift to do something interesting."

"It's over, Owen," Jack said wearily. "Send UNIT home. Gwen, tell the police they can reopen the park in an hour."

"What's going on?" she asked. "What about the Rift opening?"

"We sorted it," Jack said. "Meet me at the SUV in ten." He wasn't sure what to tell them, however.

He switched off their protests and turned back to the Doctor, feeling an urgent need to see his team, to get back to the Hub and make sure Tosh and especially Ianto were okay. "It was good to see you, Doctor," he said. "But I need to make sure my team is all right."

"You mean Ianto," she said.

"I mean all of them, but yes, especially Ianto," Jack said. He felt the anger over their overwhelming choice beginning to grow. "Do you realize what he had to do tonight? What he had to sacrifice?"

"Yes." Her voice was too quiet, too matter of fact.

"I don't think so!" he snapped. "He's spent the entire week fighting a false set of memories. You brought us a way to fix that, and Ianto got his memories back, but before he could help Tosh and all the others, he had to sacrifice their memories to stop a paradox. Tosh won't remember, but he will. And he will always believe that's his fault."

"It's not," she said quietly.

"I know that!" Jack exclaimed. "It's the universe kicking him down right when he was about to stand up. He should be glad to have his memory back, but I know him—he won't be. Maybe not ever."

"He'll get through this, Jack," she said, with more sympathy than Jack ever remembered from the Doctor. It deflated his anger, leaving him weary. "I know he will, because I've seen it. You both will, together."

Jack toed the ground, wanting to hold on to his fury and lash out more, but instead he felt nothing but concern for Ianto. He motioned at the TARDIS, and they started walking toward the ship. Something occurred to him.

"Why didn't you know about the paradox? About the Reapers?" he asked. "What if you could have prevented this?"

"You didn't tell me," she said. "You said there was a Rift opening, and I'd know it when I saw it. So the question is why didn't you tell me?"

Jack gazed at the empty air where the Rift opening had closed after swallowing the memory devices. He turned it over in his head until he finally sighed with the answer. "Because you might have prevented it."

"A paradox within a paradox," she agreed. "Much harder to untangle."

"Then I didn't trust you?" Jack asked. "Is that what happens to us in the future?"

"I wouldn't say that," she replied. "I'll ask next time I see you, but my guess is that your future self understood that I couldn't change the past, but worried that I might try anyway if I knew."

"The needs of the few, Doctor?" Jack asked, pretending surprise. "So you do have a heart." Though he'd once had his doubts, deep down he knew the Doctor cared—sometimes too much.

"Just like you have one, Jack," she said. "Though technically I have two. It's hard being us, sometimes. Doing the things we do, making the sacrifices no one else ever has to make. I would have been tempted."

"To change the past? Why?"

"Sometimes we need a win once in a while, however small. I could sense something had happened, something that weighed on both you and Ianto. But you didn't say anything. If I'd known, I might have tried for a bigger win."

"This wasn't a win," Jack said. "Not really."

"For all the people the Reapers took it was," she pointed out. "For Cardiff, and quite possibly the rest of the planet. For everyone that's lost their memory, and for Ianto…no, it's not. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," Jack murmured. "You're right about needing a win sometimes. Guess today wasn't the day."

She smiled. "It will be, another day." She stepped forward and held out her hand. "Go back to your team, Jack. And take care."

Jack took her hand and held tight. "I appreciate the help, Doctor. I only wish it had been under better circumstances."

This time she winked, and repeated her earlier words. "It will be, another day."

"Future knowledge?"

" _Major_  spoilers!" she laughed.

"You'd better leave before I demand answers, then," he said, stepping back with a fond yet exasperated shake of his head. "Safe travels, doc."

"Good-bye, Jack. See you in the future." She stepped into the TARDIS and waved once before shutting the door. Jack waited until the ship dematerialized, then made his way across the park toward the SUV, where Gwen and Owen were waiting. He walked slowly, thinking about how it had all ended, his feelings conflicted.

He was annoyed that the Doctor had arrived to save the day, and even more irritated that it was his future self who had sent her back—particularly since his future self had known about the paradox, and then not told her for fear of changing the past. Yet Jack knew the nature of time, and of paradoxes, and knew that there was no changing the past. Not a thousand years in the future.

He was annoyed, yet ultimately glad the Doctor had come, because she had helped restore Ianto's memories. Which was even more complicated than his feelings about the Doctor: Ianto had recovered and remembered his relationship with Jack. The long week apart was over and they could go back to the way things were. He was thankful and relived and yet…how could he be happy when Tosh and twelve other civilians bad been so close to regaining their memories, and now they never would? It felt wrong to be happy, yet he wanted to be with Ianto again more than anything.

"Jack?" Ianto's voice was quiet and subdued in his ear.

"Ianto!" he exclaimed in surprise, stopping before he reached the SUV. "Is everything okay? Where are you?"

There was a pause before Ianto spoke. "I'm fine, Jack," he said. He sounded exhausted, though, the anger from earlier dissipated much like Jack's. "The police dropped me off on the Plass. I wanted to say that…well…you should tell Gwen and Owen what happened. We can't keep it from them, and I don't think I can face them once I talk to Tosh."

"If you're sure." Jack was worried by the defeated tone of Ianto's voice and wished he had gone with the Welshman.

"No, but tell them anyway." He heard Ianto sigh. "Now that I'm here, I don't know what to say."

"You can wait," Jack said. "We'll be back soon, if you want me to be there."

He could imagine Ianto shaking his head. "I have to do this on my own, Jack. I want to be happy…I have my memories, and apparently we saved the world…but knowing Tosh won't remember…it doesn't feel right."

"I know," Jack said quietly. "It doesn't, but you did the right thing, what you had to do. And I think Tosh will understand that."

"When it comes to temporal physics and causal loops, probably better than any of us," Ianto said. "But understanding isn't the same as accepting. And it doesn't mean she won't be upset."

"We'll get through this," Jack said. "All of us, together."

There was silence on the other end of the line. "I know, but right now…" He heard Ianto take a deep breath. "I should go inside. I'll see you back here."

He clicked off before Jack could reply. He sighed and continued toward the SUV, wondering how to explain everything to Gwen and Owen. He thought about Tosh and how her friendship with Ianto might be affected. He thought about the twelve other people who had lost their memories.

And he thought about Ianto, hoping he would recover from the sacrifice he'd been forced to make that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got nothing, sorry. This wiped me out. Final chapter next weekend. Thanks for reading!


	18. Chapter 18

The trip back to the Hub took much longer than expected after Ianto phoned to tell them several Weevils were still causing problems near the docks. He sounded exhausted but offered to meet them there; Jack told him to stay at the Hub and let them know if anything else came up. He did not ask how things had gone with Tosh.

It was over an hour before they made it back to the Hub, relatively unscathed. Jack explained what happened in the park on the ride back, and by the time they reached the Hub, both Gwen and Owen were silent. Jack could sense Owen's growing anger, but Gwen seemed torn between her disappointment for Tosh and her concern for Ianto.

The Hub was dim when they walked in, and Jack's hand immediately went to his hip for his weapon, instincts flaring as he searched for danger. But then he noticed Ianto lying on the sofa, left arm thrown over his eyes. He did not speak, though he must have heard the alarm on the cog door blaring.

"Ianto?" Jack asked softly, kneeling next to him. "Everything okay here?"

"No more Weevils, no more Rift alerts," Ianto murmured without moving or opening his eyes. "Everything seems quiet for the night."

"Tosh?"

"She left a few minutes ago. I told her she could go and I'd keep an eye on things until you got back."

Jack smiled. "With your eyes closed?" he asked.

"I can still hear the alarms." Ianto opened his eyes, but he was squinting even in the dim light and shut them again with a frustrated groan.

"You feel all right?" Jack asked, worried about Ianto's sudden malaise.

"Head hurts," he muttered. "Worse than before. Got sick and had to lay down."

"You should have gone home too," Jack said. "Or gone down to the recovery room."

"Someone needed to be up here in case there were more alerts," Ianto said. "And I didn't want to make Tosh stay. Seemed the least I could do, cover for her."

"Damn right," said Owen from behind Jack. "Considering what you did."

"Owen," warned Jack.

"I know it was the end of the world and all that," Owen continued, ignoring Jack, "but somehow you get your memory back and she doesn't? That's not fair. That's bullshit."

"No, it's not fair," Ianto said, his voice cracking. "It never will be."

"I told you in the car, we had to send the devices back in time," Jack snapped at Owen. "We didn't know we weren't going to be able to bring them here, to use them on everyone else. We had to stop the paradox."

"I had to stop the paradox," Ianto corrected him, his voice heavy with bitterness. "By sacrificing them, all of them. I didn't want to, Owen, but I didn't have a choice."

No one said anything, and Ianto closed his eyes again. He was clearly in pain—physical and emotional. After a minute, Ianto spoke again.

"You should talk to Tosh," he said quietly. "She went out through the tourist office not more than ten minutes ago."

Jack was reluctant to leave Ianto, but he also knew Tosh would be hurting as well. He kissed Ianto on the forehead, so glad he could do so again, even if they usually kept any public displays from the others.

"And you should go downstairs. Or use my bed if you want, and I can take you home in a little while."

Ianto sighed and sat up, moving slow. He was pale and clammy, and as soon as he was up, he leaned over to vomit into the rubbish bin he'd pulled over. Owen swore under his breath and stomped toward the medical bay, calling for Ianto.

"Downstairs, now. I should make sure that damn thing didn't scramble your brains in your skull."

Ianto spit into the bin and wiped his mouth. "Wouldn't think you'd care."

"I don't, except for the mess," Owen said over his shoulder. "Gwen, help him up. Jack, talk to Tosh and tell her I'll come by to check on her in a while."

Jack handed Ianto over to Gwen. "I can stay," he said quietly, but Ianto shook his head.

"Talk to her. Make sure she's okay." He offered a crooked smile. "Let her hate me if she needs to, I just want her to understand what happened."

Jack nodded and left him with Gwen and Owen, hoping the doctor wasn't too hard on Ianto. Hurrying upstairs and out through the tourist office, he hoped he could catch up with Tosh, but to his surprise, she was standing at the railing in the dark, gazing out across the water. He slowed down and walked over quietly, standing next to her for several minutes before he spoke.

"You talked to Ianto," he started, then waited. She nodded and he continued. "How are you doing?"

Staring out at the black water, she did not answer immediately, and shook her head when she did. "I don't know. Disappointed, more than anything." She turned and met his eyes. "I'm not mad at him, or at you," she said. "I know there was no choice."

"There's always a choice," Jack said quietly. "We just had to make the hard one today."

There was another pause. "Ianto said there wasn't time for anyone else to use the devices, that a paradox was destroying Cardiff."

"He's right," Jack said. "There are creatures called Reapers. They live in the time vortex and when they find a paradox, they destroy everything around it to maintain the balance of time. After Ianto used one of the devices the Doctor brought, the Rift opened. The Doctor realized it was a portal to last week, to the moment the memory spheres came through the Rift and landed in the park. If we…if Ianto didn't throw them into the Rift and back to last week, then none of this would have ever happened."

She nodded. "I know, but maybe all those people who lost their memories would still have them."

"The Reapers were already beginning to clean up the paradox. People were disappearing…you went off comms, there was a mass disappearance at one of the hospitals, and then Gwen was lost…we were out of time. Even with a time portal and a time machine right there," he added bitterly.

"Why both spheres?" she asked. "Why couldn't we have kept one and sent the other back later? We didn't find it until Monday, after all."

"But you said it probably came through with the first one," Jack pointed out. "We didn't pick up any other Rift readings at the park, so a second Rift opening might have created another paradox—a smaller one, but still a paradox."

She sighed again. "I understand…I certainly know what a paradox is, and I believe you when you say the world would have been destroyed. But…" She turned toward him again. "It's still hard, knowing I could have had my memories back, coming so close to regaining what I lost."

"I'm sorry," Jack whispered, staring at his hands on the railing. "If there was any more time, any other way…"

"You would have found it," she said, her voice small. "I just wish I'd been there—that I could have used it before you had to send it back."

Jack moved closer and put his arm around her shoulder. She leaned against him and he rested his chin on her head. "We won't stop working on it," he told her. "We'll keep searching for another device, you can continue seeing Dr. Howell if you're up for it—I won't give up on you. I promise."

She glanced up at him with a watery smile. "I know. And maybe I'll remember, someday. If not…well, I'm glad Ianto got his memory back. I don't have anyone right now, but he does. I don't hate him, if he thinks I do."

"He's too busy throwing up at the moment," Jack said without thinking.

"What?" she exclaimed, stepping away. "What's wrong? He was fine when I left!"

"He was probably hiding it—you know he can hide pain better than anyone. He collapsed when he used the device and said his head hurt. Seems worse that the first time. Owen is looking him over." He paused. "Assuming he doesn't kill him first."

Tosh sighed. "I should go see him, make sure Owen doesn't do anything stupid. He doesn't deserve it. He had to make an awful decision!"

"That affected you even more than him. Go home," Jack told her. "We've had a long couple of days."

"We've had a long week," she reminded him. "I'm glad it's over."

"Owen said he'd check on you later, if you're up for it," Jack said. She smiled and nodded.

"Okay," she replied. "Tell him I'll be at the Dockside then, I'm starving. And tell Ianto…tell him we'll be fine. I tried, but I was upset and I know he was too, and he probably doesn't believe me."

"He feels terrible about it," Jack told her quietly. "But I'll tell him, and I'll try to convince him. And I'll—"

"You'll watch out for him tonight? Make sure he's all right too?"

"Of course," Jack smiled. "You couldn't hold me back."

Tosh rolled her eyes. "You said he's not feeling well, Jack. Give him a chance to recover before you jump on him!"

"I wasn't planning to jump him," Jack protested, although he was certainly hoping to reconnect with Ianto soon. "I want to make sure he's okay."

"I know," she said. "We all saw how much you missed him this week. And even better—I think he knows it now too." She reached up and pecked him on the cheek. "Thank you for coming out. See you tomorrow."

"Don't worry about coming in," Jack told her as she stepped away. "Unless the world decides to end again. Then I'll text you."

She laughed. "One day off from saving the world would be nice, you know!"

"It would. So stay home and enjoy it while you can. Hopefully we'll have at least twenty-fours before the next crisis."

"I won't cross my fingers," she said as she turned and walked away, heading toward the small pub a few blocks away where they often had dinner or drinks. Jack watched her go, surprised at how calm she was, and yet so proud at how she was handling the disappointment of a difficult night. Sometimes he thought Tosh was the strongest of them all.

He took a moment for himself before heading back inside, where he could immediately hear Owen and Ianto shouting at one another down in the medical bay. Gwen was sitting on the sofa with her elbows on her knees and her head down. She jumped up when she saw him.

"How's Tosh?" she asked immediately, cringing when Owen dropped a particularly virulent curse.

"She'll be okay," Jack told her. "We're going to keep working on this, you know. It's not over."

Gwen nodded in agreement. "Of course. We'll find something, Jack. Someday."

"She's off for the night if you want to go home too," Jack told her. He inclined his head toward the argument from down below. "I'll take care of them."

Gwen sagged in relief. "Thank god," she said. "I didn't want to have to pull them apart, but they've been shouting for the last ten minutes!"

"Blowing off steam," Jack said. "They probably need it."

She nodded and went to get her coat, stopping before she left. "Will he be all right?" she asked quietly. "Ianto? I can't imagine how he must be feeling…"

"He's upset and angry, guilty and disappointed, but yes, he'll be all right. It'll take time, though. It's never easy, being forced to make decisions like this."

"I don't know if I could have done it," she said.

He walked over and started guiding her toward the cog door. "Someday you might have to. Go home, Gwen. Be grateful it's all over."

"Not for Tosh," she reminded him. "Or Ianto." She kissed him on the cheek as if to soften the blow. "Take care of him. Good night, Jack."

"Good night, Gwen."

As soon as she left, Owen came stomping up the stairs and grabbed his coat. He stopped in front of Jack, remarkably composed.

"I got him to shout at me some, let it out," he told Jack in a low voice. "But we already know he has a guilt complex a mile wide, and this is only going to make it worse."

"Wait, that was all an act?" Jack asked in surprise. Owen shrugged.

"Not really," he said. "I'm pissed as hell. But I'm also rational enough to realize it wasn't his fault—and know how much this is going to affect him."

"And the headache?"

Owen shrugged. "His brain is lit up like a Christmas tree—thousands of neurons are refiring after doing nothing for a week. I gave him something for the pain, a mild sedative, and an antiemetic. He needs to sleep it off, that's how the brain heals."

He continued toward the door until Jack called to him. "Thanks, Owen. Tosh is at the Dockside. I think she's waiting for you."

Owen turned slowly. "She doesn't deserve this, you know," he said, his voice hard yet sad. "She deserves so much more."

"Yes, she does," Jack agreed. "Which is why we don't give up on her. She's strong, she'll get through this—but we will get her memory back."

"Right." Owen nodded. "Keep an eye on him tonight, Jack. He's got a lot to work through, too."

"I will," Jack told him. "Good night, Owen."

Owen waved over his shoulder before he left. Jack went down to the medical bay, only to find it was empty. Suspecting Ianto had gone to the recovery room, he found the other man on the bed they had shared, his back to the doorway. Ianto's shoulders were shaking silently, but stopped as soon as Jack stepped into the room. He walked over to the bed and laid down behind Ianto, wrapping his arms around the Welshman as Ianto had done earlier.

"I'm sorry," Ianto whispered after several minutes of simply laying together in silence.

"For what?" Jack asked. "Stopping a time-twisting paradox and saving the world? There's nothing to apologize for."

Ianto did not reply right away. "How is Tosh?"

Jack thought about what to say. "She said to tell you things will be okay between you. That she doesn't hate you. She understands what happened and why."

"Doesn't make it right," Ianto murmured. "And it doesn't make it easier."

"No, it doesn't, but we'll get through this too." They were silent once more. "How's your head? Do you want to go home?" He hoped he could take Ianto home and stay with him, but he didn't want to presume. Ianto was not only dealing with the physical and emotional consequences of having his memories back, but with the fact that one of his closest friends did not.

Ianto turned around, his face drawn and haggard. "Getting better. Owen gave me lots of drugs and told me to sleep it off. But I probably shouldn't drive."

"Come on, I'll take you home." Jack sat up and pulled Ianto with him, then kissed him gently. "And I'll stay if you don't mind the company."

Ianto nodded. "I might not be up for a big reunion." There was a pause and a small smile. "At least not 'till morning."

Jack laughed as he stood up and offered Ianto a hand. "I think I can be patient a little longer."

They went upstairs, where Jack started shutting down the Hub as Ianto went to his station and pulled on his coat. When Jack came out of his office, Ianto was still standing by his desk, a distant look of sadness on his face that he tried to hide when Jack approached.

"Let's go," Jack said softly placing his hand at the small of Ianto's back in support. Ianto moved slowly, until he pulled Jack to a stop, gripping his hand tightly as he stared down at the floor. It seemed he wanted to say something, but was clearly having trouble expressing himself.

"Thank you," he finally said, his voice hoarse. "For everything you did this week, when I know it was hard for you too. You were…." He took a deep breath and met Jack's eyes. "A lot of the things I used to think…about this, about us…well, I don't know that I can keep thinking them anymore. Something feels different. And it's…" He blew out his breath with a soft laugh. "It is so strange, and so unexpected, but it's…well, it's good. I'm glad—not glad that I lost my memory for a week, of course, but glad it's back. That we…that we're back. If any of that makes sense." He shook his head, winced, then brought his other hand up to the back of Jack's head and pulled him forward, stopping before their lips met. "Thank you for not giving up on me."

"Never could," Jack replied, his voice catching. Their eyes met before they kissed, tentatively at first. Jack knew Ianto didn't feel well, but the Welshman kissed him fervently, and Jack gave in to his own feelings and kissed him back, pulling him close. He thought he knew what Ianto was trying to say without coming right out and saying it, and he was relieved the words remained unspoken. This was how they communicated best.

Ianto wrapped both arms around Jack's waist, under his coat, his hands moving and caressing. Jack in turn let his hands roam along Ianto's jaw and down his arms, around his back to hold Ianto tight. He wished they were already back at Ianto's flat, that they could tumble into bed, skin touching skin…which was when he remembered that Ianto was exhausted and upset and not feeling well. He needed to go home to rest, not satisfy Jack's desperate desire to reconnect physically. After one more kiss, he stepped away.

"We should go," he said.

"And continue this at home?" Ianto asked with a spark of his normal teasing.

"I know you don't feel well," Jack started, leading the way out, but Ianto interrupted him with a quiet laugh.

"My head feels much better," he said. "I don't know if it's the medication, or…" He shrugged, apparently embarrassed. "Or remembering you."

"I'll take the credit," Jack laughed. "Especially if we get to continue back at yours."

"It has been a while," Ianto replied thoughtfully. "Ten days is a long time."

"Yes, it is," Jack murmured, thinking of the long week behind them. "I'm just glad you remember." He meant it, and not because Ianto remembered their physical relationship. He missed being together, talking and laughing, eating and sleeping together, and simply enjoying the chance to be normal. It was something he hadn't realized was so important until it was gone, but now he knew. And like Ianto had said, something was different. It was strange, and unexpected, and more than a little scary, but it was good.

Jack took Ianto's hand and brought it to his lips, ignoring the look of surprise on the other man's face. "I'm glad you remember, because I will never forget you." It was overdramatic and completely soppy, but it was true. Jack knew what it was like to be forgotten, and he pledged to himself that he would never forget the people who meant so much to him. He would never forget Ianto Jones.

Not in a thousand years.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end! A quiet conclusion for a more introspective story. There may or may not be a short epilogue. Thank you for reading and for all the comments and reviews. It makes me so happy to know there are still people out there reading Torchwood fanfiction.


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